Not the post people are waiting for . . .

. . . It is coming though guys this will explain my lack of effort . . .

I'm not one to moan, but I have just about recovered from the worst illness I can remember in my adult life!! I have been back in work since Monday due to us being short in the office (Not one of us taller than 5'11") but still not 100%. I had had the whole of last week off in bed!!

Basically, I was on call the Fiday night of the weekend before last, left work, had felt a bit meh all day really went and met a few of the lads for a pint (Standard start to the weekend) the phone was non stop so the one hour drink equated to 10 mins banter with the lads, 50mins sat in my car sorting pre-menstral staff out!! Got home managed half me tea, the on-call phone was busier than usual, which I put my developing headache down to. Anyways got to bed, slept right through to 9am before the phone started again. (good lie in when on-call) Luckily no one had gone off sick so I was running good, although felt like I'd done 10 rounds with Tyson when I got out of bed, proper achey and stiff (Not the morning glory type!) Had to get back to work to hand over On-Call at 11am. Usually 2pm but had arranged to go the G Casino to play the Sat £15, 1x re-buy + 1 add on, 4k starting stack, with my mate T.

Arrived at th G early doors for a bite, they only had cold sandwiches FML, felt like shit and no hot food. Couldn't be arsed going out for food so settled for the bargain £4 Beef salad and english mustard. (2 slices of bread, the afforementioned beef and EM, salad on the side so you have a DIY butty basically!!) Plus some dodgy vegetable crisp type things made out of beetroot and swede and similar, these are usually prolly nice but they tasted funky, so I left em and just nailed the sandwich, washed down with a pint of wife beater. We we're far to early to reg so we just sat reading Pker Player and waffling shit. TBH after my 2nd wife beater, I started to feel a little bit better . . . hmmmmm. ;o)

By the time the tourney started there were 15 runners!! Fucking 15 lol, apparently according to the TD, the smallest field he'd ever had for any tourney there! The smallest by a mile for me anyway. By late reg finishing we had 18 whoopey fucking dooo. Played my usual game and actually had a really good laugh me and my mate on seperate tarbs, which was probs for the best cos we play sick against each other given the chance lol. Had a late regger, internet lad to my left who was really on my wavelength so had plenty of banter, a loaded couple (Fella dealt, as self deal tourney) who were from Notts and DtD regs up for a saucy weekend (Both had wedding bands, but weren't married to each other!! She was a hot MILF to, in the mid/late 40's) They were a good laugh and obv seasoned players, the rest of the tarb was young or old crusty reg's = Donks, as well as a few lads from Leicester up for the weekend one on my tarb others on my mates. So me n the lad to the left ran the table over pretty much and gave respect to each other and chipped up nicely, curised through break getting the add on. (Haven't had re-buy in all the time I've played these tourneys.)kept running comfortabley until I took a bad beat and dropped two thirds of my stack to Nott's Dealer. I had JJ on BB 5/8 limped to me I re popped it x 6BB (Allowing for all limpers) He flat called as did an old guy who was playing every hand, flop 23J rambow, nice. I c-bet 2/3rds pot as it had been my default play. Milf hunter calls, old geezer folds, turn A, I trap check he fires out half pot I shove over he snaps me with AJo guess what the river was . . .

Got moved shortly after, my mate had bust his table, was full of local "good" regs and although he's exceptional at the pub pokes, being the tight arsed accountant he is, he struggles to forget the buy in at the Casino and play his natural game and when he loses a hand thinks the whole world and poker gods are against him!! Basically tilts far to easily.

Anyways I move and sit down short stack with 11 left 9 peep final table, paid top 3 £250, £160, £100 and just start blasting with half decent hands on the old reg's who half know me as an ok player (I think lol) as they let me take a few blinds during the two circuits and played the chip leader off a pot at one stage with flopped mid pair to chip me up a few thou in chips. The other table loses the young good lad and an old timer and we hit final tarb. I'm 2nd shortest stack still though!! I FINALLY GET TO WEAR MY GIRLY HOLIDAY SHADES OF DOOM!! No Cash got the pleasure of seeing these shades when I drove us to Notts the other week, I bought them in the airport before me t'gypt holiday, FROM THE GENTS SECTION!! Although they are just big cover my eyes completly and eyebrows I've tried them at a couple of homegames with great success (and much piss taking) and have took them to all my local casino trips recently, promising only to wear them once hitting a final tarb!! (They were also great on hols, hassle free perving as she couldn't see where I was looking!) I had done it final tabled, epic achievment against 18 lol, so following a break and having a redic'll sick convo with some Brummie, Blackpool property owning/letting gambling degen in the smokers area (the guy was so sick it was untrue! I'll save the stories for another time!) We wandered back in to find that we had no dealers to deal final tarb, my mate offered as he had dealt when he got knocked out of the tourney, everyone was fine with this put NOOOO we had to wait as it was the rules all final tarbs had a casino dealer!! Three dealers had rang in sick, FML, 45 mins later a female dealer's pulled out the pit when a Blackjack tarb had ran out of customers and we get going. I pop on the shades and felt the magic work all these people who I had been bantering with looked on in awe as my eyes and majoriy of my face vanished, I saw one young lad from Leicester visibly gulp!!


I felt like Sly Stallone when he turned his hat back to front in OVER THE TOP!! LOVE THIS FILM LOL.





Obv this is the reaction I expected! So I started off doing what I do best . . . I ordered a pint!!!


I settled in as I had a bit of play in my stack, my earlier ill feeling had all but vanished as I set about my fourth pint, had layed of the Stella and started on Carling as was due out with the lads once we'd finished although it was getting late as it was 6.30pm, the final tarbs a blur TBH as was a bit way and a bit woo (But in total contol!) I remember going to the toilet and sitting down to a few comments about the shades (Jealous obv!) I got a pure double through thanks to the chippie calling my 66 AIP shove with a very reluctant AKo caLL, I then went into overtime stealing and restrealing with slightly tipsy abandon, then my play of the day (I felt) The couple from Notts were on the tarb, Milf opposite, Fella to my left, with the dealer in between (So he wasn't facing the power of the Girlie shades of Doom!) it folded to me in the SB, now he was the only one really playing back at me and the young guy at the start of the tourney, so I expected his play here and did a Hellmuth, I thought for a few seconds with 106o called, he insta re-popped it x4 I grabbed both my stacks and stuck em right in his eye as fast as lightening!! It looked sooo strong lol. He instantly started bitching and after 30 secs tossed Snakes (RtR) fave hand face up! COCK
. . . .

I mucked my 106 and said "IF YOU HADN'T INSULTED ME BY RAISING WITH THAT SHIT I WOULD OF SHOWN!!" lol . . . Well I enjoyed it.

So after out playing the hammer weilding beaaaitch, next hand I got involved in was blind vs blind again I limp again he shoves this time ha ha, I fold whatever rags I have, I steal his missus's BB again then on SB again a reg called Ron raises button I shove AK, he calls and we split as he has same. We lose a couple then down to six I pick up AQs UTG+1 raise my standard 2.5bb, Notts guy insta shoves, like way to quick, folds back to me I snap call I'm ahead by about a third in chips, he tables A7o!! Flop 1092 rambo turn 8, river J, he dives up banging table (DtD reg did I mention) "Got the straight get in!!!" My mate who's railing for his 10% starts laughing as does the rest of the table!! I haul the chips in and he goes bright red, his missus hangs her head with a shake!! PRICELESS.

We get down to 5 way I'm cut in half when I double Ron the Reg up, my 1010 no good against his K3s SB shove to my BB. He proceeds to lose alot of them to chippo before I start running the table over again (No Cash styley) all this time its getting to 7.30pm and people are on about deals as the next tourney starts at 8pm and three are playing it. I keep refusing as its all going good. I get back to comfortable 2nd in chips, no one wants to dance in any hand I get involved in, or overbet me to get me out of the hand, so I know it's just a matter of time before I trap someone. Eventually an exasperated chip leader offers the following and I'm getting the guilt trip from young Leicester lad about having a good afty all played well blah blah and want to get into Bpool for the night, shame any of us have to go home empty handed etc etc. . . so I get offered £130 for taking 2nd, chippo £140, other 3 £80 each. I agree as it sees a pretty good deal for me really. Plus T badgering as we already late for everyone at the pub!! . . .

Happy days and to be fair a big up to Raise the River and the lads who I feel have really elevated my game and approach hugely, a big erection on Full Tilt sharkscope is testament to this since I started suffering with the new software on there. It's very big boys and girls, well for a fish like me :o)

Anyways went out got smashed had a good night met the bird around 3am.

(My Honeymoon pics on Raise the River btw http://www.raisetheriver.com/discuss/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8978 . . . )

Woke up and was just fucked, like proper ill!!! She blamed a hangover, but I knew it was more than that. Woke Monday even worse . . . Just ill all week horrible, played a bit of pokes but my heart wasn't in it, couldn't read much as headaches, so just downloaded shit loads of films and dozed in and out of those most of the week (Twilight I'm embarrassed to say is really good!) so a week of being achey sneezey, not allowed to docs due to symptoms etc. . . led to me having to sell my Spurs ticket (Not overly gutted following result) although always a good craic . . . Got up Sunday properly for the first time all week. I wouldn't wish the way I felt on anyone though!! So tough week, following a couple of cracking weekends!! VARIANCE, SUCKS HAIRY UNEMPTIED FAT DANGLY NADGERS!!!!!

You asleep yet . . .

Ends