Vegas one day baby . . .

Q & A with Jared Tendler author of The Mental Game of Poker

2011-09-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

Raise the River has acheived a massive coup this week, with big thanks to RtR reg and general degen/writer/blogger Yorkie Pud aka Matt Pitt, The Incred book The Mental Game of Poker written by Jared Tendler, is a must read for any serious player and following Hutch bumming n blurting tadpoles all over its pages for weeks on RtR, intigued by this fanboyjism I picked a copy up and to say I'm thoroughly impressed is a mahoosive understatement, not in a stick the pages together way though!!

The Q & A session with Jared pictured above is here on Raise the River and here too he will pop by to answer questions posted this week. CHECK IT OUT!!!!

The title itself is clever in my opinion as it can be taken multiple ways . . . A bit like Amatay!

Ends

Las Vegas - Trip Report

2011-07-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

I should really make a start on it!

Instead I'm waiting for my mates to come round n start a Saturday afty session . . . I'm a couple of Buds in, the missus is in Liverpool with her mates staying over and I'm spending my time amusing myself on Raise the River , with a host of video posts I find comedy, I stumbled across these by accident in the hunt for Amatays perfect porn star! (found here)

(Bored and itching to hit town obv!)

Report is getting there Rubbish. . . in my head.

Ends

Start of an old unpublished/finished post . . . ahh memories

2011-07-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

Just tidying and deleting old shyte in my blog and I start reading this . . .Wish I wasn't such a lazy shit and got these things finished . . . ahh good times

A Weekend in Newcastle (NPF) - Part 1

Waking up to the smell and sizzle of bacon and your girlfriend bouncing into the room in her little cut off vest top and skin tight hot pant pj's, jumping on you with a good morning kiss and for a farewell "snuggle" in a morning, is a perfect way to start any Saturday, especially when that Saturday happens to be Day 1 of the NPF team event. . . . This is pretty much the only time I ran well that day and after unloading a batch of tadpoles and finishing my full Anglettere, I hopped in the shower. I was "organised" for once and packed the night before, after a day at the Lakes appeasing the missus for my forthcoming weekend away. So out the door we went aiming to meet up at 8.45am with NoCash, Rubbish and Mr Oriagmi who was running a "little" late. It's literally 5 mins from my gaff to the meet and 25 minutes later I arrive thanks to a couple of tractors doing a modest 5mph down a back lane and with the gf driving her little toy car over taking was never an option! We pull up to NoCashes motor, finding him slumped in the drivers seat looking tbh a little better than expected (He'd text to tell me he got a good kicking the night before.) and shake hands with a hung over looking Rubbish finishing off a greasy breakfast of some sort. I unload my bags and dump them by Daves motor as I introduce the ball n chain to the guys, Rubbish takes a second to appraise her from head to foot, before sidling over and going into auto pilot patter "Nice to meet you, well I'm suprised you look so normal, going out with him!" . . . lol charmer. After being bowled over by Rubbishes lines, a goodbye hug and off she goes, leaving me to listen to the breakdown of the previous evenings comedy and inspect NoCashes war wounds. As they get to the point of Rubbish attempting to enter the G Blackpool on all fours, I suddenly wonder if I brought my G membership card and pat my pockets looking for my wallet! Erm which I left on the side at home FML!!! . . . This starts the trend for the day!!!
We arrive at mine after Mr.O (arrived 9.20am, 50 mins late) agreed to run me home to grab my wallet to find a group of the Welsh regiment queuing at my front door! WTF . . . I tie one arm behind my back and kick the fuck out of the lot of em (Such soft cunts the Welsh, if you can find them when a fight breaks out that is eh Rubbish!!) Anyways grab my wallet, nip in the bathroom to give the missus a kiss bye again, as she slowly soaps her body in the shower!! Dragging myself away I run down the stairs and out the car with a final hollered goodbye, crank up the volume on the Country and Western Mr.O's got playing (Yeaaah ha) and we're away, I open the case of Bud I kindly brought along for the journey, Dave mumbled something about taking the game seriously and not drinking till 8, or something equally as offenssive to my ears, I point out, apart from being regarded as seriously homosexual, a couple of beers would level him out, he was soon supping a cold one. (Didn't hear the same reluctance from Rubbish strangely ;o) so Dolly Parton blaring we hit the M55, leaving Blackpool in our wake.
After the guys have stopped giving me shit for slowing us down by 20 mins and Mr.O firmly refusing to drink and drive (Faggot) we set about our 2nd bottle, I decide to do us a favour, due to Walletgate fiasco, I'll shave some time off the journey I think and avoid the long treck up to Carlisle, we will go across the tops, much quicker I say, trust me I used to Manage a National and International transport team . . . .

The regiment bit was something to do with Rubbishes recounting of the weekend I think??? Also the fact he went missing in the pub as Dave got filled in and unceremoniously dumped out the front door lol!!! Cracking weekend that, not much sleep as I remember.

Just had my tea . . . Fuck me!

Ends. (Parp)

On-Line Blackjack!!!! Say wha . . .

2011-06-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

Never like to gamble, but got a real taste for blackjack in Vegas, being a few hundo $ up helped obv, espeh in the Paris casino one night, playing for an hour prior to hitting Chateau for Industry night. The tarbs right by the night club have the female dealers in lingerie!!

Soooo hot, you can see the thonged asses of the ones to your left, right and str ahead as the tarbs are in a circle and pure cleavage from your own dealer, as a side note, later on once in the club we ended up having a few free drinkies courtesy of and with the Mizrachi brothers, whilst enjoying a bikini contest, really nice chaps, but that's another story!!

Blackjack, never really learned the game as I have an aversion to pit games, but as my mate seemed to want to throw tons away on craps, I had to find something to keep me occupied and in cheap drinks, I also found in Vegas the dealers tell u what to do all the time and why! So now I have a real handle on the game and won a fair bit, playing one deck games (counting cards FTW)

So had my first dabble on good old Billy Hills today 50p min hands . . . LMAO . . . Do u really always hit 21 most hands dealer or hit 20 when showing a 10 . . . so FUCKING UNREAL YOU CONNING BASTARDS. GG $5 . . . . sigh

OBV HANDS ABOVE I DOUBLE BOTH!!

Ends.

p.s. AMATAY and Greekfish enjoy your 6 month love in over in Thai land, obv can't get enough of those laydeeeeboi's eh Si?!! (obv I retract statement if invited over for a week or three! To erm . . . grind??)

Dreams come true!!!

2011-05-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

In less than a week I hit Vegas baby!!! I can't wait and with all my life shit atm it couldn't come at a better time.

Details: Fly 10am, 31st May land (after change in Atlanta) in Vegas at 7pm, should be in one of MGM Grands (Our hotel) bars by 9pm latest if we have no delays! Then it's 10 days of soaking up Vegas in all it's glitzy filthay glory. I've split my money into cash dollars and one of those pre paid card things for a bit security. So alls gravy there. Had to give up the NPF so it didn't affect my spends for Vegas unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances.

Before Vegas though I have a mates stag do to get out of the way, 18 of us on coach two nights in Nottingham setting off at 9.30am this Friday morning (Tomoz) so a visit to DtD will be on the cards methinks, as well as having go ape booked Saturday! How that will go down after an all day sesh in Notts on the Friday I really don't know!!! lol should be good though? We then have Sat night in Notts n a coach trip back Sunday, n Blackpool bank hols Sunday afty and night arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't do this all before Vegas, as I don't want to start off needing a kip!!!

ADVICE NEEDED

Ends

Rough sessions, on and off the felt!!

2011-03-29T14:00:00.001-07:00

Had my roughest few playing days since I started using HEM, (I have bought the Pro version), this started with me peaking last Tuesday night at just over $3.2k profit, 10 days into the HEM trial, during the session I made a $2k withdrawal, a wage if you will, I was +$370 at this point, I finished the session +$65 after some sick sick beats and two redic coolers. (so nearly a $300 loss from that point)

Weds am: -$280 session, trying to get to grip two tarbing effectively, I noticed my session VPIP/PFR was 28/21 which is alot higher than usual and very fishy, with my post flop passivity literally burning money, my opponents also couldn't miss!! Weds afternoon, 2 tarbed and stopped making as many notes, as I found this was making me frustrated trying to keep on top of it. Managed a +$225 session happy days. Finished early n took the evening off.

Thursday: had a couple of mini sessions booking a small win on each for a couple of hundred hands.

Friday evening/Sat early hours - Missus fell asleep by 11pm during P.S. I love you, I'd love to put it down to me wearing her out but I'd be lying, I fire Full Tilt up as I now have a little peace and quiet to play, maybe I was to eager, but within an hour n half I was $400 down ARRRGHHH all pretty much down to bad play, SUCH AN UNFORGIVING GAME!!! Apart from a set over set hand, the rest was avoidable, open blasting a 3bet pot with 88 on a 10 high board, obv he had 3bet me with 1010. YET . . . even when we know we are playing bad we'll still be rationalising our "genius" bluffs/plays and berating the donks, in our head full of red rage and my overthunk marginal call on the river etc . . . At 2am I just decided to nit up and was going over hands on HEM and actually found it amusing how terribad I had played certain spots. So went back to basics, fucked the FPS off (fancy play syndrome) that seemed to have infected me, (brought on a small part by trying to interpret stats imho) and proceeded to two tarbs nit grind, at 5.15am I logged off 2380 hand session +$18.90 it felt like I'd won the lottery, I felt I could do it and I did, if I could get my head on, as it's just full and I mean FULL of awful players at that time of night and I refused to give up even at 4.30am when back up to just $10 down I ran AK into AA on an AKx flop after I'd flatted in the blinds, I managed to grind my $120 deficit in the aftermath of that cold flop into a minor winning session! I was so happy I couldn't sleep for about n hour lol. Not good when I'm meeting the lads at 1pm for the England game.

I just put it down to variance, but since I withdrew it's been a very rocky few sessions and with a two day hang over I've avoided any major sessions until today, I have always held with the old withdrawal curse mythology, this though is the first time I can really analyse my play and see if I am adjusting my play in an attempt to speed up "getting back to where I belong" roll wise. It does seem Doomswitch (RtR reg) is right to a degree my VPIP/PFR have significantly risen over the last few sessions. It has hurt me significantly IMO, I have discussed certain things on Raise the River as to how I find the 6 max $100nl tarbs, a big issue is this, the average $100nl Full Tilt fish DO have a very solid pre flop game, so my range opening up is a glaring problem that will get punished. Now this is all well and good, but throw in the standard downswong I was probably due and it isn't pretty. As seen in this session thread from today on RtR:

SESSION FROM HELL . . .

This left me with my biggest single session loss of -$335 in just 400 hands!!! Which is redic, again breaking my stop loss rule AGAIN here, it was car crash really, but running two tarbs of Rush you do lose track occasionally of how you are truly faring and my "non-standard" play's really hurt me today, although the perfect cards for me and my opponents certainly helped!! But I want to write about it to boot me up the ass! I can't afford to be dropping 5.5 buy ins. If I can get back to where I was at the beginning of last week, more controlled and observant and STOP the graph zig zagging I'll be happy, even some solid smaller sessions will be better than the crap today, YES I had the beats and coolers but I played two or three hands in such a destructive way, that I deserved it. I'm of the opinion usually if I'm running bad consistently and the villains seem to always have it, it's time to take a break close Full Tilt down. Today I went back to my beginner days and tilted off 2+ buy ins because "IT WASN'T FAIR!!" Get a grip DoV.

It's now Tuesday evening and I still am shaking off my hangover from Saturday, woke up on the bathroom floor at 10am Sunday morning, cleaned the puke up, cleaned me up, crawled into bed next to my thankfully zonked out missus, I got in at redic o'clock . . .

. . . missus had been to Liverpool for her mates birthday and still beat me home!! I decided a night in Blackpool was in order, AFTER an afternoon sesh in the pub, where I watched in fascination, the worst international team I've seen in ages, beat by England. Liked the look of our midfield, but as usual the press go overboard not taking the opposition in to account, Wales were dire, wp Gary Speed for setting up to attack England, simply lol, this left David Vaughan on the bench!! Defied belief. So Sunday and most of Monday were a miserable, depressing, write off.

I need to build my drinking stamina up seriously, got the NPF coming up!! OH YES!!! Then Notts for a 2 night stag do and 3 days after that . . . the dream will become reality as I travel to . . .

VEGAS BABY . . . where all poker tables look this good . . .

I cannot wait, 10 nights in the MGM Grand lads only ahem "Poker" break, arrive May 31st for the start of the WSOP . . . will I play, no way, not by todays standards I won't!! Although the $1k buy in is very tempting, just to say I have been and played the WSOP!! (. . . and you just never know!)

Read today; Manchester United have been voted the most hated "company" in the country, even more hated than the big banks, I lol'd!!

Ends.

A Day Off with Poker, Cricket n Dexter

2011-03-17T03:21:00.001-07:00

Dexter: The show that makes you crave fried egg and gammon breakfast, with freshly squeezed orange juice!!

Took today off, so far it's been a good day, I got up at 6.30 went to the gym (WTF!!) Did an upper body session (Not Amatays morning upper body work out!) before 50 lengths of the pool, back before the missus went to work. Read a bit of a book I'm currently into, realised I wasn't getting back to sleep, fired up an hours session at the tarbs Kerching, if I could earn that much every hour I'd retire in a few years!! More of the Pokes later. Watched an Ep of Dexter whilst playing . . .

Got right back into DEXTER this last week, watched season four over again, setting me up nicely for season 5! Love the program, as in, I can't think of a single show better, EVER!! I had been waiting to watch season 5 for a while, but as I do when eating food, like to leave the best til last, so have been watching everything else out there atm, during which I have unearthed some real gems, Breaking Bad being the cream of the crop (you must see this program genius). Dexter shades them all though, perfect casting, tight intense plot, great writing, some obligatory sexy time and lots of murder! Perfick! It also has one of my all time favorite ladies in it! The first time I laid eyes on this girl I was in lust, she was the first girl to appear in Buffy the t.v. series and she's so hot, more recently appearing in Rambo, Boondock Saints II (class couple of films! Must watch people), Desperate Housewives as a hot sexy lesbian and in Dexter she's his other half . . . Julie Benz!!!! (Not obsessed honest . . . that's reserved for Jessica Alba!)

So today, amongst other things, I plan to crack an Old Jamaica ginger beer (got right into this recently) get stuck into season 5, although season 4 left me a little heart broken . . sniff and lets see what's happening with Dex on the streets of Miami, as I play more pokes, bliss!! Prior to all this going my bro's for n hour to watch some cricket (he's obsessed with the sport) and scan my passport and drivers licence at his, I need these to send to get my free PS3 I'm still waiting for since I got my new phone, total joke, they'll happily give me the phone BUT need proof of i.d. to get the free gift with it!! Wankers, apparently this was in the small print.

Before I go, quick recap since my last post on the poker front.

Off line: Managed to start winning at my Omaha Hi Lo home game! Thanks for this must go to Rubbish, who offered to send me a book on the subject! (Must have got lost in the post!) also played and failed to cash in 3 live tourneys, including Bolton team event, where I played for Raise the River, although came 40th for a few points and 2nd out the team, run bad city for the boys!!! Had a quality time as always, had the pleasure of sitting most of the day to the left of Mike Saban and after an unlucky hand in which I knocked Mike out, Mark Trett sat down FML, although had a good laugh with both and knew both previously from other events so was pretty com tbh espesh as I got more n more mullered, didn't sleep due to playing 1/2 cash til 10am and drove home Sunday pretty much wasted, (Not Big or Clever) with a few hundred quid for my efforts though. I may get round to a write up on one of these things, one day. Highlight of the weekend, managing not to get our heads kicked in when we hit the town, talk about the unfriendliest scary bastards in the world!! I'm from Doncaster originally to!!!

Online pokes: Now then as we know, your hero has been doing rather well at the $100nl Rush games, very well infact, this is without a HUD, tracking software or any formal training! (So clearly on an insanely hot streak) I ended up taking a break (literally) following me snapping my laptop in half trying to pick it up by the monitor end, gg lappie, wp DoV you dick! It'll be fixed in a week says the techsperts, 3 and half weeks later it returns, good as new, wankers! Sigh, so feeling a little rusty I start back the Rush with a little $10nl, which I crush obv . . . then step up to my usual $100nl and am back in the groove, yet regs are really looking me up and although I'm winning I do feel a little exposed. So last week I bit the bullet and attempted for the 3rd time to get to grips with HEM and it's HUD!! Hallelujah . . . Got it working some how. Someone really should do a complete Dummies guide to this bit of kit, it'd sell by the bucket load. Righty so 5 days into my trial today, just over 8200 hands played, pretty much one tarbing as I get used to it on zee Rush and as I have said on Raise the River , just for the blind steals and re-stealing alone, it will more than pay for the purchase of the whole program. I can't believe I left it this long to get a HUD. Apart from the very odd bad beat and coolers (all in two sessions it seemed) I am just winning and winning. I am running good obv and am awaiting my inevitable downswong. I am contemplating training videos more seriously to, but as I seem to have a winning game plan of sorts, I'm not sure it's a good Idea . . . meh I dunno???

Anyways, off to my bros then Dexter n the pokes this avo prior to some Brewskies and Braga bashing later. (Please God!!!) COME ON THE BOYS!!!! (Not in a Catholic priest kinda way)

Ends

Simply WOW . . .

2011-03-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

Got my comp back last week after a 3 and a bit week repair, following a mishap. So back to the tarbs, missed it more than I imagined . . .

Just played this hand, got to love the 6 max Rush!!!

WTF HAND!!

Enjoy.

Ends.

I almost don't want to play

2011-01-24T02:25:00.000-08:00

cos I never want this heater to stop!

Yet I guess it has to a some point. Last Friday night and Saturday were the most profitable in my poker life. I ran well, avoided many tough/marginal spots and have cut out what I think are my biggest leaks. I have had a few downswongs the last two months since I started grinding the cash, the worst being a -$690 day but those few aside, I have just seemed to win, win and win a bit more. It's a little bit redic and sureal tbh.

Although I'm not complaining. I think my run good is boring the pants off a few on RtR, with no doubt a few waiting in anticipation for the inevitable, "Its all gone tits up post". But without the great advice I have got off some of the RtR regs, I can be certain I would be not even playing at the stakes I am and doing so well, not that me jumping from $10NL to $100NL following my initial heater was condoned by a long stretch, but individual hand advice and bollockings for shyte play have been invaluable. The irony is I still don't play with a HUD or tracking software, which is not the done thing in cash games, so really need to pull my finger out in that regard, I do take tons of notes though which are really needed. I don't think Friday and Sat were a coincidence though, apart from the obv run good and hands holding, I had watched a few training video's on Thursday which really cleared up certain grey areas I had and helped no end in certain tough spots I get in alot and invariably play badly. I'm hoping to watch more this week and have another profitable week. Fingers crossed.

Saturday night!

Went out for a "few" locally with the lads, but ended up in Blackpool, finally trudging in at around 6am according to the missus!!

I have very little memory of it although reliably informed it was a good night from the lads and was pleasantly surprised to find 30 quid upon emptying my pockets when I got up. She had been out herself for her mates birthday till 4am, but still wasn't overly impressed. I finally woke up around 4pm Sunday properly hung over, it wasn't funny, head pounding lips stuck to my teeth, the works, not felt that ill for a long time, I'm still suffering now!!

I sat zombiefied through dancing on ice, trying to enjoy the clams on show, I bet there alot of lads out there have that recorded and the pause button on there controller worn to a nub lol. I'm right behind Jennifer Metcalf to win. Fell asleep on the couch at some point waking around 3am this morning freezing my moobs off!!

The week ahead: Hopefully getting to the G one night to warm up for this weekends APAT team event. I will be representing Raise the River again and am looking forward to a good craic, with plenty of beer and laughs, hoping Mr O and Rubbish get up for a bit of drunken railage before we hit the town and see what Bolton has to offer.

Used to love work . . . Sigh!

2011-01-13T06:33:00.000-08:00

Following this thread on Raise the River, Work blocking some internet sites, I started to reply to a humorous post by Yorky Pud, but it was getting to long, so I pinched it for le'blog.

As a background I'm an office manager and as such had it great at work, delegated alot of work out whilst spending my day playing poker etc, profits and growth at work were booming and I had a good team, Head Office was based in Nottingham and the small I.T. team who looked after us were based in Warrington so never had to much pressure, I was good mates with the I.T. lads and they gave me a heads up if anything was a problem or checks were being made etc so all was gravy . . .

Well my first run in with work came a few years ago, on the back of me playing day in day out online in the office, I used to get in early for 7.20am (made me look good to my staff who when on call started at 7.30) play the full Ladbrokes daily MTT schedule and finish with the 14.45 turbo, sometimes the 15.15 $20 shorthander, as well as dippin my toes in the bigger sites. Well this one fateful day I had 4 games running, was typing an email to a mate on hotmail and looking at facebook at 3 in the afternoon and got a phone call from my MD asking me to check a few things on the system, whilst he stayed on the phone. I did as he asked as I continued playing the games with HM and FB minimised and off he went seemingly happy.

The next day the North West area manager dropped in (He happens to be the Father of the M.D and runs the Southport branch) asks me to have a private chat. Nothing unusual and didn't worry in anyway for the impromptu visit, he then asks how things are going etc. Brings up my chat with the MD and then congratulates me on a tourney win and a 3rd place on the poker from the day before (at least I ran well)!! lol hmmmm I'm sat there stunned and burning. It turns out whilst visiting the I.T. offices the day before he had asked for demonstrations of there tinternet and branch monitoring techniques and how they track internet usage etc. WHOOOPS, Ste head of I.T. had a new guy training who like the good boy scout he should be notices the mutiple conections from my branch! They pinpoint the i.p. addy and then satelite view my screen, after 20 mins ring me and watch me beaver away at the tasks given me by the MD on screen as I continue to talk to the MD and still manage four games of our favorite past time. Following the call, they then get a round of brews in and whilst discussing other things sit and watch for an hour and a half my progress in said games and are I'd like to believe suitably impressed with my mad skillz!!!!! Multi tasking FTW . . . .

I apologise profusely, take my bollocking, happy in the knowledge it wasn't official, no note taker or correct disciplinary procedure followed and promise to never play poker or any online games at work again, they are to be fair a good bunch and take it light heartedly (with the underlying menace of repercussions should I let them down again). This was around 3 years ago, subsequently we have been absorbed by a bigger company, my M.D. and his father bought the Southport branch out, as it was there's originally and have been quietly forced out of there roles at my company, both leading to substantial tribunal payouts.

Fast forward to July 2010, out of the blue I get a phone call from H.R. in Nottingham, the girl who I liaise with and assists me on my day to day basis with staff issues and legal bits and bobs. On the phone she asks me if I am alone , tells me I am suspended and to go home immediately, our area manager was on her way to oversee my branch in my absence and I would be contacted following a full investigation with the details soon and not to discuss it with anyone, they would inform my staff I was ill!!! WTF!!! Talk about heavy handed.

I do as I am bid and tbh am quietly shitting it, as I really had know Idea what was going on. So obv you think the worst. Three days I'm left wondering, I couldn't relax and didn't even tell the missus the full situ, just said I'd fucked my back and couldn't go to work, in case it was to do with an indiscretion from some staff I've had dalliances with in the past, this was strangely my worry and only thing I could think of tbh, that I'd pissed someone off when I'd lost interest in them following a bit of fun or summat. Stupid really, as I had always remained on good terms and was quite clear in what the situ was with any of the girls I got involved with, they were always as discreet as me, buuuuut in this day and age you never know.

I finally get called in for an investigation hearing and have over 500 double sided sheets of A4 paper thunked down in front of me!!! MY INTERNET USAGE FOR TWO WEEKS!!!! Times logged in out, sites I was on total hours on line etc (which equated to way beyond my working time.) It turns out the new company had done a full internal audit of all branches internet usage. Luckily I'm not stupid enough to look at instant sack able sites, porn, Amatays blog etc. So we sit in this meeting for over four hours as we discuss all sites involved at some stages I have over 20 sites open at once, which I don't get. It turns out they must be pop ups as I look on various sites. Raise the River was a biggy and the two weeks worth they had scanned was just prior to the NPF event!! So I was on loads at that point, my argument was I opened MSN, Facebook, RtR and just left them minimised all day and click refresh ever so often for a look, the probs was with RtR and other Forums too, RAOTL for instance, after a few mins you frustratingly get logged off, hence the high levels of log ins. My own blog was there to, luckily I have never slated work on it although not 100% sure they realised it was mine anyways and Facebook was classed as a dating site FFS!!! lololol. I end up being reinstated following the meeting pending the disciplinary decision which was a worry as, as the staff handbook states (which I had never really read!! Although used to bollock my staff for not reading and following!) excessive internet use can be classed as gross misconduct, i.e. sackable. So travel to Nottingham for my hearing and am simply given a written warning after pleading ignorance to the hand book and lack of training in regard internet usage etc. I am offered a counsellor, for they are concerned I may have a gambling problem as the number of poker related sites I went on was astronomical, as they put it!! (I hate gambling tbh bar poker as I naively feel I am in control) Deeply Offended by this turn of events, I upon returning to my office proceed to write a statement roughly 1500 words on why Poker isn't gambling and sent it to H.R and the company Ops board. I got a firmly worded response that to your average non poker playing person any game played for money is gambling!! Fucking philistines!!!

It seems I am not the only one in the company in trouble and following this sweep, the internet at works virtually locked down now sigh!!!

Right enough of that shyte, to much more important things . . . .

URGENT URGENT ISSUE NEEDS RESOLVING . . . . IT IS A MUST WE FIND THE GIRL BELOW. SHE HAS BEEN PRESENTED TO US ON RAISE THE RIVER BY BUSTER AS SHE (WE SHALL CALL HER PERFECTION) IS HIS NEW AVATAR. IT IS ESSENTIAL PERFECTION IS FOUND AND FURTHER PICS ARE MADE AVAILABLE TO OUR COMMUNITY, NOT JUST FOR OUR RABID SANITY, BUT TO ASSIST IN ALL CARPAL TUNNEL EXERCISE RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your time on this. We pray to god she is found soon!

Ends.

WTF d'ya mean, where've I been . . .

2011-01-11T06:56:00.001-08:00

Had a strange second half of the year, even by my standards, I might get round to posting about some of it, I may not, we'll see.

Where was I last time I posted properly . . . Ahhhh the NPF, probs my highlight of the year. (half written post about it sat in my drafts) It was also around that time, I was offered a small amount of regular money to write the shit I do in this blog, excited by this turn of events I obv stopped blogging, sigh such is my way it seems, as my HH's will tell you on Raise the River, I don't do things quite by he book!! I'm not sure why I stopped, just lost my taste for blogging I guess, couldn't get on the tinternet at work any more and couldn't be arsed when I was at home. I won't do an apology I'm back and won't let you down post, (Moorman styly) for the simple reason, I'm not remotely sorry guys, tis my blog after all and I doubt I have been overly missed, nice to be back writing and diarying again though, nice to be feeling the itch!! (Must get to the clinic!).

I have gone through a shed loads of life ups and downs in these last few months culminating in the death of my father on November the 4th 2010 aged 69, after only finding out how ill he was in June, he lived in Derby and I didn't see as much of him as I wished these last few years. The whole situation was humbling, crushing and put a lot in perspective. He was a good man, with a loving family, a huge circle of friends, colleagues and such a remarkable and inspiring career. He worked all over the world running a team of technical engineers, right up to two years ago, he was contracted to write the technical manuals for the last 25 years of his life on some of the Military and Navy's biggest projects, his most recent work was with the Type 45 Destroyers. He lived as far a field as Brazil, Singapore to closer to home in Germany and the the Isle of White. He still advised on various things from home up to the last 6 months of his life. He died of lung fibrosis, which made him strangely a kind of a celeb at the hospital, as doctors came from all over the country to try to diagnose what was happening and ultimatley fruitlessly tried to save him, as he only had it in one lung and usually it attacks both. The cause of this is hard to pin point, heavy smoker in his younger days, he's almost positive he worked with asbestos in his early career with BAe, in Saudi Arabia. Meh we'll never know for sure, but his wife involved me and my brother in the decision to take him off the oxygen, there was nothing more that could be done, the doctors and hospital staff were fantastic, we all stood hand in hand in the hospital room with him as he left this world to start on the road to his next adventure. He was with it and fully aware and involved in proceedings, right up to the very day before he slipped into a coma. We all felt he'd pull through the week before, he knew different and the morning he went to hospital three weeks prior to his death, he spent 4 hours getting ready before he allowed his wife to phone for an ambulance, struggling for breath, he always had to look his best before he left the house, shaved, smartly dressed, shoes etc, 2 hours he spent on the computer and internet during this time, getting info and writing instructions, describing what his wife and family would have to face with his condition and not to be alarmed, to be prepared and know that he was ready for the worst and that he loved her and his adopted family and sons dearly. They had been together 16 years and never argued once, had such an amazing life together, I could sit all day listening to her stories of there time together. The funeral although a bit of an emotional blur was fantastic and absolutely packed. The fond memories of peoples time spent working with and socialising with my dad made me realise life's to short to wallow or dwell on past mistakes, or what may have been and not get out there and make the most of what you have and abilities you have. R I P Dad, you we're a great man and an inspiration to me in so many ways.

I'm on a serious heater atm and went on a mad spin up at the Rush poker, from $10NL SH Rush to $100NL SH Rush in one "easy" step. I had a big spin up at the $10NL and thought to myself, "You know what DoV, pokers poker, you get two cards and so do your opponents, your game is crushing at the $10NL, how much different can it be at $100NL" . . . Not much apart from I win more!!! ALOT MORE . . . . . I won't curse it to much and obv have had a few swings, including getting burnt at $600NL lolololol but fingers crossed, no ones sussed I'm a clueless donk on there yet! I'm not proud either and if/when it does start to go belly up, I'll happily drop down again.

Looking forward to 2011, hey fuck it, can't be much worse than last year, can it!!!

ENDS. ;o)

Plan B

2010-09-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

Is the Shizzle, album of the year IMHO.

Ends.

NPF . . . The Aftermath!!!

2010-05-05T02:33:00.000-07:00

. . . Still.

This isn't a write up; I don't have the mental faculty’s atm to remotely do last weekend any kind of justice!!!

I'm slowly plotting from memories various parts of the weekend and trying to put them in cohesive order.

Here are 3 undeniable facts of the weekend though.

1. Never listen to me if driving somewhere and I insist I know a "quicker" way, EVER!!!

2. Trying to chat a pretty hot lesbian up by insisting you’re a lesbian to, doesn't work at all!!!

3. Double bacon, cheese burgers with onions and what passes for relish from a dodgy burger van do not, I repeat do not help in any way to cure 2 day hangover!!! Although they will give you your weekly calorie allowance in one heart stopping shot!!!

And always abide by the following . . .

Ends.

NEWCASTLE POKER FORUM TEAM EVENT!!!

2010-04-28T06:30:00.001-07:00

. . . hear we come.

As part of Team Raise the River, I will be flying the flag in my second event of the year, the much anticipated NPF Team Event. A two day event over the May bank hols weekend. Our team is made up of various infamous bloggers and regulars all, of Raise the River forum.

Burnley Mik (c)

Snake Eyes

No Cash (aka No Shoes)

Hammerheid

Dream of Vegas (Your hero)

dD

Rubbish

Mr.Origami

1Tripz1

Yorkshire Pudding

Looking at the line up we may as well be given the trophy now IMO.

A few notable absentee's though in Ant66, Cogs, Krons (APAT Hero) and the globe trotting nit. Ant unfortunately is on his hols, Cogs and Amatay still haven't recovered from there nose bleeds caused by the last Newcastle event and Krons?? I'm not to sure why Krons is unable to attend. Although he will be missed, as will they all.

Plan of action can't be put any better than No Cashes latest post although he missed the "Sized" off the Super "" Models rolling out of bed comment. The Friday night warm up is scuppered for me, as I'm on keep the girlfriend sweet duty all day and night as recompense for my trip away. So I'll no doubt be far to enthusiastic for No Cash and Rubbish on the Saturday morning as they nurse hang overs from there Friday night sesh.

We're having our usual £10 last longer bet and all going to plan we should hopefully be hitting the Toon hard after shipping the event on the Sunday night. Looking at the Newcastle Poker Forum, it looks a very well put together event, with good live coverage and alot of thought and effort put in to make it a well structured, smooth running tourney. They have also managed to shoe horn 6 of there own teams in! Geordies are always good for a laugh so I'm expecting it to be a quality weekend!

I haven't been playing much live pokes recently on any front, so in fairness to the team I have dragged my sorry ass away from the online poker and played last Thursday night at the G Casino Blackpool £40+£5 triple chance. I came 14/68, played okish, to tight really, ran well early on got to the break with 13k + the 7k for my two unused 2nd/3rd chance markers. Once back into the action a few hands in I lost half my stack to a blind on blind cooler QQ v AA, built back up again then another hand folded to me in the SB with 66 I limp knowing BB (Aggro gobshite) would raise, he min pops it I ship having him well covered he snaps with QQ FML!!! Door cards a Q . . . so I end up nursing a short stack of around 10BB's from 26 people out pinching blinds with any two, positional open shoves any chance I got etc. I ended up moved to the last two tables with a couple of huge stacks on mine, who were calling with pretty much any two cards pre and the cards were hitting them in the face each and every time they were involved, cracking superior hands right n left. Recently I wrote about On-Line pokes being rigged, what I saw throughout this Thursday night proves ALL POKERS RIGGED!!! . . .

My last hand I finally picked up 1010 UTG shoved 20k 2k/4k seven handed, BB wakes up with AKo Flop AK3 turn J and I miss my 6 outs on the river. GG me, nice to be back playing live I have really missed it. I also realised, I personally need to mix up live and online otherwise I find I'm losing love for the game.

I might be heading up again tonight for the £20 + 1 re buy OR Add On. Or not, see how I feel after work today. Weathers turned and my hay fevers starting early FML! To top it I woke up sneezing me moobs off the other night and got up in the morning to find I'd burst a vessel in my left eye!! Hmmm

"Hello Newcastle ladies, how you doin . . ."

"Fuck off you red eye'd freak! AND take your hands off ma tits!!"

Buffalo Joes awaits us . . . Ahhh Newcastle the best night out ever . . .

Ends.

Ohh my NGOG . . . he can score!!

2010-04-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Just had my idiot Chelski mate, boring me about how us Northern teams have an edge evey year due to a lack of Derbies! Whatever . . . Oh he's never watched them play live suprise suprise, why are such distant supporters always the loudest, have the most tunnel vision and clueless parroted opinions, based on what they have read in the tabloids!

[ ] His arm chair opinion matters.

Although in a week or so I hope we've secured a Europa spot and Chelski beat us at Anfield and it seals the title for them! Hate to feel that way, but can't bare scum winning it again! Especially with such a mediocre team, I think this season has shown Rudolfs true management ability (Not that it was ever in question) also circumstances with other teams have worked in Utd's favour (Ourselves blowing up, the faltering Gooners youth policy etc) . . . But in general I think this is on paper the weakest Utd team in a long time with some pretty average players, yet, they are pulling the results out of the bag. Sad but true!

Anyway another step in the right direction last night for us, we managed to score for a start, after destroying Fulham the week before but not managing to get the ball in the net, it was nice to see!Well we're at least battling for pride and a Europa place if nothing else last night, obv disappointed to be in this situ, but the fans and team were amazing last night, showing real passion. Unlike the West Ham team, talk about giving up the ghost! Zola tried to put a positive spin on it apparently post match! HOW!!! Your team had zero fight and were generally shocking, I never felt Zola was right for the West Ham post, to much to soon for him, he's just to nice a guy IMO, they needed a manager who would give the players a kick up the arse and be able to drag the best out of them. Must say the Hammers fans were a different gravy, never stopped singing all game, plenty of amusing banter and behind the team right to the end, "we're gonna win 4-3, we're gonna win 4-3" really tickled me with 5 mins left. Always a great bunch of supporters, with the right attitude.In the face of adversity, ultimatley you have to get behind your team.

@ Greg (Seo) following your comments in a previous post, I'm not deluded mate, I know exactly where we are at as a club. As I said it was a post to celebrate a quality performance and victory nothing more nothing less.

Also an oppurtunity to demonstrate how to hold a 3 - 0 lead at home in Europe. ;o)

I also have no delusions about our season either, we are well below par, as I said injuries and behind the scenes politics has really rocked us this season. I will however make the most of the positives and I'm sorry no matter what competion you are in it is an acheivement to win it. The calibre of teams we will have to overcome "if" we get to the final can't be denied. It's a prestigious trophy, obv the Champs league's a better trophy, but who remembers 2nd place? Apart from Utd fans, with there back to back finals!! We made two finals in 3 years? But you don't hear us harping on about how we were the better team in our 2nd final and were very unlucky . . . well 'til now lol.

To be fair with Torres out and West Ham result aside, I struggle to see where the goals are coming from on Thursday, unless Gerrard gets on his game. Which to be fair he looked good at Anfield last night. The team seemed to pull together last night, although obv West Ham were dire and didn't show any fight. To add to it, the team set off today with a gruelling coach/train/coach/flight trip to Madrid! Not ideal preperation.

Despite the dip in form, I'm behind my club, always will be and I'm behind Benitez and the players. David Moores has a lot to answer for IMO, if he had done his homework he would have been fully aware of the shocking track record Hicks and Gillett have with American sporting institutions, that have gone under in the following them buying them out, yet they buy the clubs/teams by getting loans secured against the club , so they have zero liability and in each and every case have come out personally in profit, our main problems lie with those greedy Yanks! £800 million!!! Get real you stupid bankrupting cunts. . .

The Poker Front. . .

A resounding "opps" in regards to bad decision I made last week. I haven't really kept up to date on here, basically I have shifted a wedge to Purple Lounge with a sweet rakeback deal, they seemed to not realise I had this and after 1300 raked hands accumulated (6k hands total I think?) at $10NL and $20NL and a nice $230 profit to show for it I got $0.72 rakeback! WTF . . . I don't have tracking software to evidence this, yet P.L. do have records to view your raked hands, so one day I may see whats owed? It knocked the wind out of my sails a bit, I did a withdrawl to use to sign up for another site and since then as described in a link on a previous post my doomswitch was jammed on!!!!! . . .

I decided I would take a break from cash last week as it was becoming painful, tedious and frustrating. You grind for three hours play well. Then two or three shocking beats put you in the red in like 2 or 3 minutes. I never seem to have spells of winning so much so quickly strangely!!!

. . . Anyway I decided to punish myself on the extreme 5 seaters and wow fun and shocking at the same time! I dropped $60 quite quickly playing the 10 Euro games. Then got to grips with them and finished the night $136 up. I then decided to have a bash on these for the last few days! WHY!!! I am going to trawl my HH tonight. The beats began and oh how they hurt, these pay top three, 10/15/25, so 3/5 of cashing, last night in 22 games I mangaged 1 win and four 3rds!! WTF, total BS, It is alot of push fold poker later on, but quite tactical, my early success was decimated and more.

It reminded me of playing in my Laddies days when @ cash tables, chips seemed to be pushed around from one player to another, with no real big winners (apart from the site itself) and the STT's seem to dish bad beats out to spead the games along. Oh hang on Purple lounge is on Microgaming and so is Ladbrokes!! I don't believe this is natural variance. Not to this extent. Has my really good rake back deal got me graded down on the alledged smaller sites mythical player grading system. i.e. New players have a boom switch to get them going and hooked and it disappears after a time etc. Players winning/withdrawing are graded down and the beats follow. As alleged by an ex Bulldog poker employee.

I got my money in good 80% last night . . .. . .not slight faves, crushing faves, sets being called by gut shots flopped str's called by overs that become sets then full boats by river etc. I kept playing and playing fine. Yet it just kept happening! 4th place 5th place etc. I'd be chip leader and in two big hands out, to button rags who shove my blind but miraculously hit there hands, not critisising the play just the way the cards see to land so perfectly every time! I'm sorry I left Laddies a couple of years ago for the same reason. It seems it hasn't changed. People will read this and think "Stop whining, variance, obv tilted etc." It simply wasn't the case. Due to it being extreme (Blinds go up every two hands) It really magnified how obviously engineered the beats are! 3 way all in's get common due to blinds when last three, 4 in 5 are won by the big stack!! Why, so then the little box says "PLAY ANOTHER" and you become addicted to the, surely I can't really run that bad again and 83o can't crack my over pair again!!!

Ends.

Oh dear, one has just farted!

2010-04-19T06:43:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh cracked me up!!

But not as much as this . . .

My first blogged ROYAL, FLUSH!

Ends.

Inspired by Rubbish.

2010-04-16T02:33:00.000-07:00

Following the latest post by my Welsh friend Rubbish. I was halfway through a mahoosive reply on his comments, when I though bollox I'll put it in a post.

Why oh why, do they remake so many classic films!?? It takes the magic away from the original films and in some cases ruins the memories of films that to this day are still great to watch, there are some amazing books out there that could be converted into amazing films, original stuff rather than rehashed legendary flix, also there is a wealth of quality screen play writers, with original idea's that never see the light of day, due to the glut of re-makes, examples of success with recent original films, District 9, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Sin City, 300 and even Harry Potter etc. The problem is Hollywood are playing things safe at the moment due to the world wide recession. Hence a rash of remakes, some good, some truly awful yet they see them as guaranteeing bums on seats and nailed on box office hits.

A good example is Robin Hood, I mentioned Gladiator above it is "probably" depending on my mood my all time favorite film. It's just such a good story and so well made, it really lets you lose yourself in another time, a true epic. Now the latest Robin Hood is due out this summer and it has the same collaboration that created the magic that is Gladiator. Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe!! They have become a bit like Scorsese/De Niro or later day Scorsese/Di Caprio in the sense they are always mentioned in the same breath as the films made are usually massive hits and classed as classics. I'm really looking forward to seeing this as they team up to do another historical fiction film. YET my issue, why call it Robin Hood?? The story allegedly bares little resemblance to the classic story the only parity is the time it is set and the names of the main protagonists. Yet the story is completely re-worked. SOOOO the only reason for this is to again guarantee bums on seats! Robin Hood is known by all and everyone has fond memories of the earlier re-telling, I still love the Kevin Costner version to this and his oh so "British" American accent, it was Hollywooded up but stuck to the general premise of the story. Why not make the film and call it something else rather than rip off the name of a Legendary English mythical figure and present it with a totally different story. For some reason I find it really irritating. No doubt it will be a good film but still.

Also in relation to the the post that inspired this mini rant . . . NEVER, ever, apologise for what you read as a yooof either, 2000AD was my staple weekly read up into my late teens. Transformers before that and Beano as a child lol. I'm proud of it to. Still got my comic collections boxed in my old dears loft!!! Along with Beano annuals from the 60's thru to the naughties. (these I continued to collect.) These things are childhood things that help define your memories and fuel your imagination, to reflect on them as sad is a shame.

Talking of original ideas 2000AD has so many amazing characters and stories! I'm amazed people haven't attempted to convert them in the way they were intended. Some really bad attempts have really missed the mark, Judge Dread, Tank Girl etc. Tank girl was a big missed opportunity really as she always struck me as a hot futuristic Avril Lavigne type young sexy and full of attitude, they managed to cast a less than sexy, lesbian man hating clone, such a shame!!!

. . . As for whats still unmade that would be pure class, if pitched at the adult market rather than trying to make it child friendly as the other two were. Some of my faves, Rogue Trooper, ABC Warriors, (One of which makes a brief appearance in the Stallone debacle) Nicolae Dante, a swashbuckling top shagger, Judge Death (Dreads nemesis) and the Dark Judges, SLAINE! Would be great a Celtic psycho lord from the dark ages! Durham Red, the sexiest of all art work ever, I'm not ashamed to say I cracked the odd one out to some of her pics lol!!! Sinister Dexter, a futurist far more violent Crocket an Tubbs!! I could imagine Depp and Snipes in the leads. In fact if Tim Burton got hold of any of the above or the guys who did 300/Sin City I would imagine they would be incredible!!!

So what fucking what if I'm a geek at heart!!! . . . Right got my Live fantasy RPG weekend to get ready for, should be good and I'll look mint!!! . .

opps wrong pic!! . . . Here we are

Ends.

JUMP ABOARD THE CHAIRIDEE EXPRESS MATES!!!!

2010-04-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

LETS ALL DO OUR BIT FOR A GREAT CAUSE AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN WITH OUR FAVORITE PASS TIME . . . .

. . . . Raise the River have arranged a special Charity Poker game for this Sunday 18th April. With a couple of special donations to the prize pool. It is an opportunity to support Mair an avid poker player and highly respected APAT enthusiast (Live Gold medalist to boot) and RtR member, in her hard work in raising money for Cancer research.

You can see more details here:viewtopic.php?f=18&t=10128&start=0

Raise the River are planning a game for Sunday 18th April at 8.30 ET (to run alongside the prestigious Bloggerment).

It's will be a $10 Entry fee and all winnings to be shipped to Mary upon completion.

For every entry into the game, RTR will donate $5 to Mary's cause. So 10 players would be $50 etc.We will also donate a 3 month membership to GrinderSchool's Poker Training site.If anyone else wishes to donate prizes then please feel free.

It would be appreicated if you could put this up on your blogs and get it some publicity for Mary, as it's a wondeful cause.

Game Details:

Pokerstars

Sunday 18th April

8.30pm

$10 Buy In

password: Mair38 (it's a capital "M")

Tourney Number: 261128458

Registration Open now!!

ALL CASH PRIZES TO BE SHIPPED TO MAIR38 UPON COMPLETION.

This is a special event and gives people chance to show there support and appreciation for Mair and others in similar situations who have been working so hard to assist Cancer research and have lost loved ones to this horrible illness.

Also you obviously you get the opportunity to play some legends of poker (In there own minds) in a friendly, online, banter filled, enviroment. Bragging rights will be a massive draw to!

Must give a big shout to Raise the River and Grinder School for there additional contributions.

Ends.

This is how you do it Scum fans!!

2010-04-09T02:14:00.000-07:00

Let me re-live a rather special result! Benfica are flying in the Portugese league and destroyed Everton in the previous round, they are the team we most feared to get before the draw, a class side, full of top internationals and we made them look ordinary last night, they had a good spell in the first 20 mins. . . . Then

1 - 0 and fuck off you cheating bastard Manc linesman!! Nice to see a ref making correct, tough decisions!!

2 - 0 Tried his best to miss bless him, but great run!!

3 - 0 Goal of the game, perfect counter, then Yossi's vision to pick Kuyt out when Torres was the easier but probably least productive option at that point was genius! Perfect first time cross and a tidy bink from El' Nino!

3 -1 It wasn't long before our wall decided to jump over a free kick giving Reina no chance and started to have visions of Utd's hilarious exit from the Champs League!

4 - 1 BUUUUUUUT NO . . . A Messiesque dink over the keeper following a perfect through ball and we're home and dry. Torres is God!!!

A special mention must got to my Hero of the week . . .

"Hey zis itz ezzzzay ezzzzzay ezzzzzzzay!"

Bayern, Robben Fergie and Utd . . . PRICELESS. Poor Wayne rushed back because they are a one man team now Ronaldo has gone!

At least when playing for England this summer, he'll be surrounded by class and be alot happier!

Also congrats to Fulham, knocking the German champions out, winning both legs to! That boy Zamora is on fire and has got to be considered for England, certainly ahead of Heskey!! . . . Just hope they don't carry this hot streak to Anfield this Sunday! Could be a rehersal for a Europa final, although Athletico Madrid are tough, tough proposition. Torres will be so up for those two legs though can't wait!!

Enough of Liverpools greatness . . . A load of my mates have gone to Ladies Day at Aintree today lucky fooks! As such it is the National tomoz and not being one for the Nags, I have abs no idea what to go for, so any tips would be appreciated thanks! (Except off Richeh, think his last tip's still running! ;o)

Ends

Post Easter weekend blues!

2010-04-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

Me dressed up with, a couple of my missus's dildo's to play with! Oh she loves the role play!!!

Just had a fantastic weekend away with the ball n chain! Really enjoyed it, Stayed in a gorgeous Hotel, full spa, pool, sauna, gym etc, four poster room, with jacuzzi bath that could fit three (If only!) I was a bit gutted, as I missed the annual summer season opener down the prom at Blackpool with the lads. I did make up for it the week before I guess. But after giving them a day to recover I hear they had a quality 18 hour session!!

I persuaded my girlfriend to watch Kick Ass on the Friday of our weekend away, after a little local sight seeing, which she was desperate not to watch as it "isn't her thing", it was the only film on at the flix after we had missed her preferred choice Alice in Wonderland 3D. She loved it and so did I, I had read it was good, but was suprised at just how good and the level of emotions and excitement it created. Basically it Kicked Ass . . . . . . EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THIS!!! Even if it isn't your cup o' tea. [Verdict: Kicks Ass!]

. . . . . To my point. On the Sunday, we again attemtped Alice in Wonderland 3D to find it was only in 2D which was a big disappointment, so she persuaded me to watch Bounty Hunter instead, Gerrard Butler and Jennifer "plays Rachel from Friends in every role" Aniston. I like both actors and have always had a thing for Ms Aniston. I have never walked out of a film, I lasted about 45 minutes and following my 3rd this is awful to my other half, we both got up and walked out, we weren't the first. 3 lads and a lass had walked out before us! There was no chemistry, a shocking story and the worst dialogue ever! Listening to Leonidas from 300, say in whiny way " I wouldn't feel sorry for you if you were a baby sea turtle crossing the baking hot sand miles from sea with loads of seagulls circling overhead!" . . . was painful, shocking AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!! The only redeeming feature, Anistons over tanned legs and cleavage on display, almost popping out and bouncing regularly, let down by her pretty yet so obviously botoxed, plastic face. In the back of my mind I'm thinking your ten years to old for these types of roles now. It's a shame she's so one dimensional as an actress. [Verdict: Turkey, although I wouldn't mind a gobble off the ex Mrs Pitt!]

Overall great weekend and having that, "I had a great hols, for fucks sake back at work!!" feeling today!!!

Poker . . . Hmmm read and wince here . . . The usual withdrawl curse!!

I'll leave you with a pic of my newest Hero . . . ine!! Oh shes just nails!!!!

"Right you cunts!!"

Ends.

I can BLOG AGAIN!!!

2010-03-30T01:50:00.000-07:00

Apart from being my usual lazy assed self, I have had a poor few months on the computer front, tha lap top went to lappie heaven (Not my local strip club!) and somehow I have been blocked getting on to blog at work sigh, it just wouldn't sign in, something to do with cookies?? Although I'm up and running at home now, I always find other things to do than blog @ home . . . Red Tube, T.V, trying on the missus' underwear, you know just normal stuff. (Joking obv!!! I really don't watch that much T.V.) . . . Plus I wouldn't want the missus noseying in on ye old blog, this way serious strife lies.

So after a chat with my old work I.T. pal, he suggested a little something and tried it this morning and bing-feckin-go . . . Back in business. I can imagine the fist pump chair spins across the country . . . nay the world, as this is read . . . .

Anyways, I will endevour to recap on a topsy turvey couple of months, in the next few posts.

My last post in regard the Team Event. First of all it was an honour to pull on the Raise the River polo and thanks to Mik for organising it all, especially the fantastic team pic to WP Captain! It was great meeting up with the guys for the weekend. I think as a team we performed exceptionally well, I certainly didn't see many other teams drinking as much (AWOP aside, well No Cash and also Mr Devlin I still owe you a pint, nice to meet you) so wp guys, plaudits to Snake who with a 5 bet pre with 54s I think (or a similar strong holding) got someone to lay Queens, who said poker and alcohol don't mix. As for the poker as a whole, we had two or three solid results and some serious run bad on day one, how I didn't stack someone when I flopped quad 8's and he'd flopped 10's full I'll never know, he said when a king hit the turn he was worried I had pocket kings! Yeah whatevs nit heaven, it was early on and Mair aside no one seemed to have much in the way of balls and it was really softly softly stuff until the blinds/antes started to bite, well certainly on my table. I actually was pretty much a no show on day two, a mysterious ahem bug struck me down and I was left recovering in the hotel once I had found it on the Sunday morning!! . . . Suffice to say on the Saturday night, my first spin on roulette in years saw my birthday hit when I had it nicely surrounded, I beat a hasty retreat to the cashier shortly after, shoes were lost, shots were flipped for and Brazillian milfs were unsuccessfully chatted up. (Put that down to her poor English eh Dave?) It was a cracking day/night/blur, I'd say weekend, but I've had to rely on other Blogs to fill the gaps in!! WP Krons who showed his APAT pedigree yet again, following his 2nd place in Bolton last year, with a solid highest finish for us.

Ends.

It's official, I'm a MEMBER!!! (APAT Team Event)

2010-01-21T03:01:00.000-08:00

"A" Team Raise the River MEMBER! Let battle commence!!!

I have been lucky enough to shoe horn my way into the RtR team for this weekends APAT team event, £50 buy in and 20 teams of 8 (160 people for those that can't be arsed taking there shoes n socks off to work it out!) It has become a very popular event and to accommodate the level of interest APAT had to reduce teams to 8 players from 10, allowing for an additional 4 teams, yet it still left 12/15 teams out in the cold.

I can't wait for it tbh, apart from meeting up with RtR fish and putting some faces to erm Avatars, I will get chance to pit my wits against the established APAT community, there are some very strong teams in by the look of it. RtR came 2nd last year and although not part of the RtR team, but a regular on the forums, Mair took down the whole event for individual glory, fantastic acheivement, so RtR going one better would be amazing! I have been really focused on MTT theory these last few weeks and training hard. Hopefully it will pay dividends at the felt.

Although I have two slight worries:

i, I am seriously out of practice with the ol' ale consumption and can't face being pwnd by NoCash and Snake in the supping stakes. Plus my attempts to keep up could result in some embarrassing behavior!! (Basically that was an apology in advance for the state I "may" get in.) Although when playing I will limit myself to a pint every half hour, to pace myself. . . hic.

ii, Mik has told me we are wearing Salmon coloured team shirts . . . erm I'm sure he's pulling ones plonker, but if true! Salmon = Pink, Pink = Gay. Now I'm at ease with my sexuality, and can no doubt pull off wearing pink, I just worry for the other chaps!

So "if you have a (Poker) problem and no one else can help and if you can find them (RtR) maybe you can hire the g"A"y team."

Ends.

p.s. dD you fecking cant, no dragging me to some dodgy late night £12 to get in gang infested rave club this time please! ;o)

POKER RESULTS: Up to 14/01/2010

2010-01-15T02:07:00.001-08:00

I'm setting this up to keep an eye on results as I go through the year, see how I develop as I play, good or bad. As background for those that don't know I never really played much cash except in my early underolled clueless days on Ladbrokes and Mansion. Since I have took the game more seriously I did dabble a bit when bored on Stars and Full Tilt and thought I did ok in $50NL+ had some fun shots at $400NL/$600NL to (I clearly wasn't doing well, although made a little running good on the higher stakes, I got pwned at $50NL) playing the shortstack hero (I now see why shortstackings hated, since I have started playing full stack micro, fecking bottom feeders the lot of 'em ;o)

I decided I wanted to learn 6 max cash properly and to do that I think starting from the ground up is the right way, first to get a feel for multi tarbing, I play 4-6 at a time cascaded. Any less I start to get bored and over elaborate in my play.

The flexibility has been great to, no more arguments at home when "she" wants attention or dinners going cold. Just take auto blinds off play the last few hands up to my next BB, tell her I'll be off in a minute and it's all happy days.

I see cash as one continuous infinite game, so ten mins here an hour there to suit, plus when I have the time I set proper session times, up to 2 hours. I really don't get upset with beats and happily log off if I feel it isn't going my way or I'm at a tough table or I'm not concentrating properly.

Learning proper table selections another big thing I need to get my head round. ATM, I look for 5 to a table, minimum 3 Full Stacks preferably all full stacked. The Full stacks to my right and shorties to my left. With a high players to pot % and to a degree high average pot % although this is deceptive I find, it's hard to judge if it's a newish table etc. Advice there would be great.

My attitudes changed alot to, I don't care if I'm beat by a donk, I'm just glad they are there playing badly, the more donks I play with the more I win in the long run. I only get frustrated if I play a hand badly, be it not getting enough value or whatever. Even then it's positive because I'm self aware and can correct this in the future. Why worry about what others do, that's completely out of my control, as long as I play the hand correctly that's all that matters.

Cash really suits me and thanks to alot of insight from reading and discussing hands on RtR I feel my games improving. If I post a HH or comment on anothers hand and I'm put right on my thinking by the more advanced/experienced players it's such a massive help and really focuses me to review situations and get my head around thought processes. I still don't use tracking software or HUD, so it's intriguing to see how my results are affected when I do inevitably get the software and get to grips with it. It will be a real transitional year for me, so fingers crossed.

Below are my results so far and will be kept up to date periodically.

Thanks to Mr Origami and BurnleyMik. I had no idea how to sort a spreadsheet out to make it visual on the blog, now I do. Although it's still a bit blurry.

Played my first home game of the year last night although wasn't in the mood tbh, just have online grind on the mind atm and playing the home game seemed a waste of potential multi tarbing time with the missus out with her mates! I NEED TO GET A GRIP! The last thing I want is to miss opportunities to go out with mates and alienate myself. Amatay wrote a good post recently that made me take a look at my relationships socially and I found myself to be falling off certain friends radars so, finding a balance is the key I guess! Anyways here's to the next $100 profit and hopefully moving up comfortably to $25NL!

Ends.

I love it when a plan comes together!

2010-01-13T03:43:00.000-08:00

OMG . . . A-Team the movie. The orig cast above are all abs legends! I heard rumour of this last year, mentioning Clooney as Hannibal, Jim Carey as Murdoch and Brad Cooper as Face, B.A. = ?

Obv with the lineup confirmed this was way off but, it still looks class the guy from District 9 is just amazing, so him playing Murdoch should be quality, obv Cooper is in as Face as rumoured and is a good choice, liked him in loads of stuff he's been in and he's just got higher profile as the years have gone on and in The Hangover last year he played his charater perfectly . Don't really know the guy playin B.A. some Rage the Cage fighter or sumink, looks the part though, although needs to grow the mohawk IMO. I thought Clooney would have been perfect as Hannibal, yet Liam Neeson is a fantastic actor and with him in the film it adds a certain gravity and seriousness to proceedings. As you can tell I can't wait (Such a geek!) But love the flix so fuck any naysayers!

Jessica Beil, Timberlakes latest squeeze (That boy runs good!) playing Amy is just spicing it up, she is super hot! (Fwiw:Her most memorable role for me Rules of Attraction, quality American college film, Beil plays a supporting role as coke taking slutty student and is sexy as fook! Or the bikini bit in Stealth (Shyte film redeemed by her amazing body)

I can't wait simples! Got orig A-Team season one for X-mas to and apart from a few dodgy looking car chases the dialogue and characters and redic machine transformations are timeless.

I'll leave you with a pic of the coolest television vehicle ever!

although ran close by. . .

Ends.

Hit the ground running with Live Poker 2010

2010-01-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

Played the £15 + one £15 re-buy + £15 add on this afternoon. It was a last, last minute decision to play, was going to play the Sunday afty one but a few of the boys were going. One of which is like pulling teeth to try to him to go usually. So after dropping a buy in and a half playing on Stars at lunchtime following 1 bad beat and one cooler. I asked the trouser wearer if she minded me suprising the lads. To my total shock she was ok with it and arranged to do something other than watch 24 with me whilst I micro grinded all afty.

Anyways booked on over phone got there just prior to start grabbed a pint and played.

Got my first straight flush live when I hit a sweet 5 thru 9 of Diamonds and took two stacks to boot, one with KJ Diamonds and another guy who I assume had a full boat by the river, the way he bet when the board paired and spewed seeing my hand, so happy days. With only 27 runners it was only paying top 4 (Although looking at AWOP recently biggest Sat afty turn out for awhile, the £100 Monthly aside)

Made final tarb above average, so donned the infamous girly shades of doom, to much derision and piss taking, distraction acheived ITYVM! Played TAG all day, got four handed with only two major confrontations AQ v 99 door Ace was sweet and JJ v K9 to be doubled through by chip leader when 6 handed, following me shoving his button raise when in the BB.

My mate S was in the last 4 with me another mate bubbled 5th when he spewed remarkably following being 2nd in chips 3 hands into final tarb. At this point four handed me and a cock knee were both the shorties and had 500 chips between our stacks so agreed if we finished 4th and 3rd we'd split the relevant money. 4th= £90, 3rd = £180, 2nd = £270, 1st = £345. Somehow I won the blinds 4 hands running and was right back in it Cock knee doubled through my mate in cold fashion when on an 8810A3 board all the chips went in, my mates J8 no good against CK's K8. My mate went out shortly after and we were 3 handed, I really cranked it up at this point and surged to chip lead with barely any resistance it was great, before CK finally put the former mahoosive chip leader out in 3rd. CK wanted to deal at heads up, £280 each and play for remaining money, errr seemed a bit daft as 2nd was £270 so I just said play on. We were pretty much level to start I ground up a nice lead before I lost a 3rd of my stack 55 v JJ (He slow played it thank fook!) Then I hit a set of 8's v's his K6 on k high flop to take the lead. Then I made 2moves I couldn't follow through with as he shoved over both pre and I was weak both times, giving him a slight advantage eventually after I was ground down a bit following KN flopping trips twice in a row, we got it all in 55 v AJs board 10106 7 7 sick counterfeit but thems the breaks and I was happy with the day. I only needed the add on so £34 outlay, with a £270 return. £236 profits not to bad. Dropped S off got a chinese for me and me lovely other half and home for 8.30pm rather happy.

No humour today as I seem to be being took the wrong way of late. (Errr so to speak!)

Ends.

Cracks me up . . .

2010-01-05T02:39:00.000-08:00

. . . no matter how many times I read it.

Read it from the start it's old and gutted there was no more of this but pure win!

Busto and Back

Ends.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FISH . . . VOTE NOW!!!

2010-01-04T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hope you all had a good Xmas and have a very very Merry New Year!! All the best Ladies and Girls.

I have almost recovered and have had a rather family orientated festive period and it has been great. Me and my Bro nearly coming to blows twice were but a blip and we laughed it off at my Neices 1st birthday on Saturday and got drunk again. I love my girlfriend more than ever (This time last year we weren't talking, so running good) and I was looking forward to coming to work this morning!!! I swear I'm not sure whats happening to me!!! I haven't had a whiff of drugs either so I'm at a loss as to my good humour.

Anyways enough of my hapenis . . . For any that read this truly amazing, roll in the aisles funny blog of mine on a regular basis, you will notice I haven't posted for awhile. I feel I must apologise for the lack of updates and also apologise not posting two of my most memorable moments of 2009. One word:

L A Z Y !!

So I have come up with a plan . . . A vote of sorts. As I can't be arsed writing a review kinda catch up post of the year I will devote my attentions to either:

1. My Mates stag trip to Poland, 3 nights of excess and debauchery cut short for me and the stags older brother, that saw me spend a night in a Polish mental institution a second night in a Polish prison, not holding cells, A PRISON!!!! and potentially facing 3 months inside until we were put on trial!

or

2. Raise the River Notts meet, where I met such respected erm . . . anomalies as (Imagine these names in that X Factor voice over guys voice, for added comic value!) Amatay, Rubbish, NoCash, Mr Origami, Cogs, Longy, dD and guest appearances from BurnleyMik and Ant1966.

Let me know which you would prefer. (If you're bothered)

FINAL BANK ROLL 2009.

Current online (Various Aquariums) = $709.54

Current live poker acc = £1090. (I have taken £3000 out, to be explained in a later post.)

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £3346.90 (+ £4417.81)*

Online = + £2382 (£3161) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £964.90 (1256.80) (even)

*Brackets denote best and worst for 2009.

Ends.

Bloggerment is such fun.

2009-12-31T02:17:00.000-08:00

. . . I ended my last post 7 years ago with an image very similar yet slightly bigger to the one on the left. It is back and it is thriving.

9pm Every Sunday. Password: Donkament (Sadly appropriate)

So get involved. The banter is like walking into your favorite pub seeing your mates already half cut and wanting to walk straight back out and go home.

Seriously it is a laugh and you witness some truly eye opening suck outs!

Oh I won the first one . . . and when able to play I have not cashed since.

A Quick Round Up . . .

2009-11-24T08:49:00.001-08:00

. . . From the past month, that was November . . .

From when I started typing the title to this post the entire theme tune to Rawhide has been running on loop in my head, lol whip crack and all . . .

"Move 'em on, head 'em up, Head 'em up, move 'em out, Move 'em on, head 'em out Rawhide! Set 'em out, ride 'em in Ride 'em in, let 'em out, Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Raaaaaaaawhide. "

And a line for Joppa . . .

"Though they're disapprovin', Keep them DOGGIES movin' Rawhide! Don't try to understand 'em, Just rope and throw and grab 'em, Soon we'll be living high and wide. "

Random . . . yet true, unlike Mik's, your thumb and nose are the same size crap, although you are right mate I couldn't kiss my elbow, gave it a good frenchie though!!!

A quick round up, as so much has happened I could bore the pants off even the most patient reader. (I'll beat you to it, "Like I always do anyway")

GUKPT: Grovsenor United Kingdom Poker Tour - Blackpool, or in my case the OTBMUKPT, Opportunity To Burn Money UKPT. I played the £150 2 day event, Played solid nit day one and slid into day two, happy slightly below average and at ease with my play. I drew table 2 same as last year at same event and remarkably the same seat as last year to, same beer stain and all. 4 players of my original tarb made day two out 45 of 230ish orig runners showing I think the strength of the table. (Obv I just ran good as is well documented thanks Rubbish) The level of play was of a much higher standard than the usual Blackpool donk/call fests that I'm used to playing. Following the table redraw, I didn't last long day two, when after 30 mins, a rather loud older fella from darn sarth who knows Akenhead and J.P don't cha know (J.P's the best you know not Jimmy Akenhead!) raised to 5.2k from the Cut off 600/1200/100. I look down in SB with AKs and shove my 17k stack, folds back to gobby who can't wait to get his remaining 16k in the pot with AQo (Bossa would have found the fold and quite rightly so.) Obv 3rd card on flops the dirty biatch (More annoyingly the old twat proudly shouts "There it is!" as it lands as if he had no doubt in his mind, that he was taking the pot down) a J on the turn added four outs to my meagre chances and a fat brick on the river saw me eliminated. "GG don't let the door hit you on your way out!" TWO BIG mistakes during this hand, One: Standing up as soon as I got the call, thus attracting the attention of Nuts poker T.V. who were streaming live to the tinternet via AWOP, so witnessed my horrible beat. Two: Shaking Jimmy's mates hand after he knocked me out!! Dave "NoCash", sent a commiserating text to me before I'd even left the venue (I didn't hang around!) as he'd just watched it live on AWOP. To be honest it made me feel alot better and for that, a big thanks mate. Even so for 50c NO I won't lick your ball sack, please stop asking me.

Ironically it was the first time all tourney I had been called when I had shoved, so obv I'm never going to hold. I want to play more of these in the future and my mate S who came to this and my second tourney of the week the £100 Fri night F/O, is of the same mind. So 2010, we are increasing the volume and playing more GUKPT's and similar events around the North of the country. Getting involved with AWOP's also on the agenda as it has been highly recommended by Dave and also a guy I met on day 1 called Rick, who sat to my left most of the first day and turned out to be a new memblay of RtR and a top bloke to boot, what are the chances, small world!! I think a move along these lines will drastically elevate my game.

The £100 f/o on the Fri night, was a bit of a wash out, but the night itself was fantastic. My girlfriend came to rail and upon arrival, we walked into the bar to get a bevy only to find ourselves stood by Marc Goodwin, this started a night of boring the missus with all the various pro's I recognised, best bit Mickey Wernick walking past and warmly shaking my hand and speaking to me as if we were old pals, which was nice. I saw him at the RtR trip to Notts earlier in the year but didn't converse with him (That I can remember! I was a touch fucked!). So I assume he was just being friendly!! Her sis was there for a works night out and her dad came later to play the cash games so a family outing ha ha. My mate S met me there prior and also P the regular host of my Thurs home game was having a family meal there for his birthday and I know them all and used to date his hot older sister, so it made for quite a boisterous occasion. To top it all my old work lot were there on a stag do, of one of the newer lads at my old place, so it was quite an evening.

I bust just after first break of the £100 crapshoot. The standard of play was mixed. As you had your reg circuit pro's who'd either busted that day or had played the day befores ME and were just playing retarded shit or bust pokes, your standard old nits and your young LAG's. I played a bit nitty at first to get a feel for the table, with my gf looking on it wasn't difficult as my cards were pure trash, which had pretty much been my run for the week from the £150, to the pub pokes Tues (Came 5/17 somehow, bubbled the cash though!) and home game Thurs (-£7), during all these games I saw two, TWO, premiums both in the £150 day one, QQ which I won with pre, following a nice three bet from me and AA also winning pre and taking the blinds. NICE!!! So my average hand for the week was 104o basically. So after starting with a 5k stack in the £100 and me looking like a total rock, noob, a situ arose where basically most of the tarb limped on my blind at 100/200, how very dare they, I looked down at the mighty 94 sooooooooooot . . . and slid out a healthy pot + 200 raise. To take down a meaty 1.4k+ pot. It says it all; I'm in level 3 before I remember a significant hand. Following that I started picking up some better yet still marginal holdings. A young tour player who to be grudgingly fair was very good, if a bit up his own arse, was 3 to my right and open raising alot of pots and C Betting and floating, before stealing the turn with abandon, against my hapless opponents. It was weird I was sat there watching it happen and knew what he was about, yet oddly, felt powerless to stop him. He limped MP (For maybe the 2nd time all tourney the first being my above BB hand) I called in the CO with K10s SB made up, BB checked flop KK4, checks to him he fires 600 into the 800 pot. I have been Hollywooding every hand I was involved in all game and he's stole several of my blinds. So I sat looking at him thinking, looking puzzled, etc, called, blinds fold. He checks in the dark, turn 5 all four suits out, I Hollywood it again before betting 1300. He quickly calls. River 9, he bets a quick 2.5k, nice play and I think for awhile basically deciding to call, re-raise min or shove. At this stage if I call I have 3.7k left and playable stack still, plus I get to expose what I suspect is a classic play/semi bluff by him. So I call (To nitty??) and he tries to muck before I have even shown but I insist on seeing the hand he reluctantly shows 33, I show my K10 and he starts spewing quietly to himself and glaring at me. To be honest I think it was a bit of an act on his part. Apart from those two hands and the odd three bet pre. My most significant hand bar my exit was 105 soooooot just before the break (Diamonds) in the BB I have around 9k avg 7.5k a 3.1k shorty limps on Button SB calls I check flop Ad6c3d checked to button who bets 2/3 pot SB folds, I pause and call thinking he's betting that flop no matter what turn 10h!! Suddenly bringing my hand to life. I consider betting but check expecting a blast which I had already decided to call. He does blast for his remaining 2k I call to be facing A4o. ONE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME . . . my kazzzillion outs fail to materialise and I'm cut down to 5.5kish. (In hindsight not such a great play!) I can't get anything going and shortly after break I'm down to a push fold stack with the blinds and ante's biting, I get AQs in the cut off shove get an insta re-raise to isolate me from the button UT OH!! On our backs we go and I'm facing KK, the flop kills me with a Cowboy to set him nicely, gg me.

So off I wander to lick my wounds and grab a beer. I had spotted Michael Grecco earlier chatting to Tony Cascarino and as I walked into the bar he was sat nattering to other players. Now when I first met my girlie her favourite actors were Vin Diesel and a certain Michael Grecco. He was on a par with Brad Pitt in her eyes!! She was sat with her sis right by him and hadn't noticed!! LMAO so I pointed him out, she was so excited it made me laugh like a little kid seeing a paedo in a Mickey outfit at Disneyland for the first time. Anyways, her and her sis were too shy to ask for a pic but had moved to look at him from a far as were half the ladies of the bar. In the end my girl’s dad stopped him on the way to a cash game and asks if he minded getting a pic with her. So we walk over she breaks into a scamper and jumps on him giving him a massive hug, lol. He looked a bit shocked, but laughed it off. I shook his hand introduced myself took a couple of pics of them. She then starts asking when he's going back to acting, to which he explained he was financially far more successful pokering. Fair play, I ended up having a fifteen min chat with him regarding poker, as she looked on star struck, he was such a sound bloke, totally down to earth yet at ease with the attention he was attracting. I'm not sure how he did but had made day two in the ME at that point, so was quite positive about his chances. Other notable spots, Dave "el Blondie" Colclough, played the £100 event and was on my mates tarb, John Kalmar and other half, Rick Wild (Former Laddies annual MTT leaderboard champ) and someone I got to know on laddies when a regular MTT'r, Paul Jackson. I noticed other names on cash game lists also. We railed the £1000NL cash game and the action was sick, one guy had a mountain of chips infront of him and loads of notes!! To be honest it was a fantastic atmosphere and a great night the poker almost seemed secondary, yet that was why we were there.

As we left I was rueing my bad run all week, cold decks, bad beats and said to the missus, "you can guarantee that this cold run I'm going through will even out, probably in some mincey/soft $5 or $10 game online" . . . .

To be concluded . . .

Just call me Larry

2009-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Larry Letdown . . . Got home aroung 6.30pm last night from the daily grind! Looking forward to a night at the G with BurnleyMik and NoCash, although was running late as usual. I then got a call from the police, the office alarm was going off FML!!!

Quickly finished getting ready and shot up to the office, which is in Preston, the total opposite way to Blackpools G Casino!! Arrived to find one fed up policemen and those slightly less paid wannabe "comunity officers" waiting. We did a tour of the building and found the back door had been tampered with and someone attempted to force it. SCUMBAGS . . . The alarm was still wailing happily, I punched the code in . . . the alarm continued to wail, a thought crossed my mind at this point! "mayhap the poker gods were with me and apart from £5 petrol, they were preventing me burning £45 at the G" who knows, but I was fuming!! The police left saying we would hear from them today (Friday) and I was left to contact our maintence dept for them to get someone to sort the alarm!! So just sat in the office cold and miserable. To be fair although not good enough to get me to the game, the alarm guy was prompt and reset everything in double quick time.

So I got back to the empty house, feeling dejected and with the missus at her mates, I fired up the trusty lap top, a five, ahem sorry ten knuckle shuffle later and onto the $10NL pokes, I ran like god and soon (17mins at this point in) had my $6 BI's on 5 tables up to $17, $18, $24, $13 and $8 in fine style, people were just bluffing into me all over the shop with air, when I had the nuts or near nuts it was great. So logged a solid $45+ session.

I then came off for a bit when the girlie got in and logged back for a second session a bit later. I got mullered!! I came across a player who reminded me of a lad I play with who is just a clueless calling station!! Example (1st hand I play against him), he is in the big blind, A raise under the gun to 40c, I reraise to $1.20 from cut off with AKcc, BB(Station) calls, UTG calls, flop QcJc3h mahoosive for my hand, BB and UTG check I lead out for $2, BB snaps and UTG folds, turn 8s Check, I bet out again $4.50ish which puts me all in and he insta calls with 8h7d!!!! WTF, I obv brick my thousand outs, farewell buy in one.

A few hands later, I watch in dispair as he gets picked off by other guys and has to reload for $10. I'm then involved again with him I've chipped up to around $9, I set about raising to 30c with 1010 from MP, he flats in SB, BB raises to $1.50, iffy spot for me, but he is three betting to squeeze alot, I consider shoving but elect to flat and get out of the way of a suspicious flop and or action. flop is a healthyish 689 rambo. Station in SB checks, BB C-bets with a weak $1 bet, I think and shove. Any raise is pretty much comitting my stack and I'm not letting the hand go here. Here's the good bit SB insta calls his remain $6, BB hollywoods it then folds. turn 2, river K . . . SB K3o . . . OH MY GOD I WAS DUMBFOUNDED. Don't get me wrong I want this guy at my tarb all the time but it was burning me up. He then proceeds to LOL and thank me for playing and don't try to "Bluff" a Corsican or some shit. BLUFF!!!! WTF? . . . Steaming doesn't cover it.

I then getting bummed on a seperate tarb when I river shove, get called by Ace high when after betting hard, into a K high board, that had a flush and by the turn had an openended str draw for me, that obv failed to materilise on the river, he checks again and my only hope of taking down the substatial pot is to blast he just insta calls for almost all his stack with AQo!! This guy was also sat at my Corsican friends table with me, so maybe that influenced him, feck knows? But A high with K and a 10 by the riv is just redic. I simply felt shellshocked. I'm not saying my play was perfect by any stretch but with the hands shown down they should not even be involved by the final "call" sigh.

Although I do except these were the types that gave me my early $40+ session. I then logged off all my tables down $20 for my troubles but still up $25 for the night. . . I can't sleep when this type of shit happens. As my darling harridan of a girlfriend was soundly asleep next to me I logged onto 4 tarbs of $50NL for $30 . . . Then, had a real WTF am I doing moment and insta unreg'd off them all and felt good. In the old days I'd manically shizz off a big % of my roll and blame all the poker donks in the world for my losses. (Whilst playing like one!) Instead I played for twenty mins at $25NL and a $15 buyins on four tables. I came off around $17 up and it made me feel alot better.

I'm now comfortably rolled for 25/30 Bi's on Stars for my $15 buy in @ $25NL, yet am still kinda not wanting the bubble to burst. I've obv played higher in the past but never with this discipline and I used to scoff when I read people being comfortably rolled for higher stakes, but scared to take the step up @ like $200NL to $400NL or whatever, I just thought if you have the roll whats the problem. I'm virtually half stacking $10NL and have now got the jitters when I step up to play with $15 at $25Nl. Weirdness.

Anyways, all's positive in general. I haven't got round to firing into another poker site yet, a combination of laziness and having quite alot on has held me back and I have $1500 burning a hole in my bank account ready to be redistributed and it feels good!!But I suppose I'm seriously missing out on rake back now, I've nearly completed 15000 hands @ 5c/10c and even the rake of $10NL adds up.

Big sorry to Mik and Dave for being a no show. Obv it gave them more chance of doing well with my SKILLZ missing, but I was really looking forward to the tourney and a catch up with the two RtR balla's . . . ho hum.

Ends.

Liverpool 2 - Scum 0 . . . oh and the Nags.

2009-10-29T03:49:00.001-07:00

What better way to recover from a hang over, than watching El Nino help to dominate an average, over achieving (this season) Man U side.

Ahhhhhh it was bliss . . . .

I went to Aintree on Saturday for my mates birthday. I have never really been a big fan of the nags tbh, I haven't been to the races in a while and as with certain online pokay sites I have alot of consipracy theories regarding horse racing. IT'S CROOKED SIMPLES.

BUUUUUUUUUUUT I had a fantastic day, apart from winning a tidy sum of filthy crooked lucre, everything else about the day itself was spot on to. Got a full fry up with the lads at Wetherspoons prior to grabbing a case of the lager from le'offy and hopped on the train.

Incidentally if you ever want to feel better about your sorry lives head to your local Spoons at 9.30am on a Saturday, it really can put your own life in perspective!!

A few cans and banter later and we land at Aintree, we were dressed for the whole day and night so shoes smart jeans and collar, we felt for just a standard Aintree meet suits would be a bit much! How wrong we were, 80% of the lads there were suited and booted and the majority of ladies looked amazing. The original 8 invited became 6 on the day, following two people dropping out, so we split into to two Syndicates of 3, each putting a £5 bet on each race (Obv we did our own individual bets to) so each sydi had £15 riding on a race. All picks were done seperately so if we doubled up on a horse so be it. We also pust £5 into a kitty and the Syndi that won the most races scooped the pot!! We had it locked by race 5 with 3 winners to the others 1 niiiiiiiiiiiice. So bragging rights to us.

Got thoughly smashed on the return trip and ended up in Preston for the night. 10's was our first port of call, the only way to start a night out in Preston is with a few naked lap dances, it's even better pulling out a roll of £20's won at the GG's, in front of the gaggle of hotties when getting your first drink. We stayed for a couple of hours and met and chatted to the majority of the ladies. One girl who now thinks I'm an up coming internet ahem adult themed photographer, has memorised my email address (Apparently they can't write numbers or whatever down) Thought she was just blagging me, but low and behold Monday at work check my emails and she had sent a note at 10am on the Sunday, (She must have felt the length during one of the dances I had with her, shes only human at the end of the day!) she basically emailed for more info on what I do. I think I'm in total love with her, she is just stunning!! During our dances and chats I gave her the: I can pobably get her set up with a web site on a reputable porn tube, if she did some sample shots/vids, the content is up to her i.e. teaser shots or full on hardcore cock jockeying . . . HEY I WAS DRUNK!! I had a couple of dances with her and a lesbian one with her and one of her pals, she has the most perfect looking phaginca I have ever seen and gave her mate a right good digiting during the dual show . . . !! She now wants to do a sort of casting type thing to see if she's suitable!! Hmmmmmm . . .

Poker - completed my 20 sessions, I seem to have took my foot off the gas it seems, finished nicely in profit though, but it seems the sessions got longer and my booming start has settled into a steady grind, but the bad sessions have vanished the worst was a $6 up sesh!? I can't put my finger on it, my aggressions dropped as in tandem have the bad beats. I suddenly seem to be getting check raised all over the shop and obv the usual cash game rake inducing setups seem to be just as regular. My results for those are on my lappie so will post next time. But would love to get something done on the tracking front I have given up trying with HEM. Won't even load now after numerous uninstall, reinstalls!!!

G Casino tonight should perk me up meeting, No Cash and Burnley Mik, for the weekly £40 triple chance freezeout. ONE TIME!!! Gets a healthy 85-90 runners so a deep run will be scccchweet.

Ends

The Good, The Bad and the downright UGLY!!!

2009-10-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'll start in reverse order!! WTF is going on Mik?? I went to Anfield last night and left feeling impossibly low after the game (West Ham fan styley!) I stayed to the bitter end. No creativity, not one player on the whole fucking pitch capable of putting there foot on the ball once Gerrard had gone off and to be honest the quality/depth in our squad is woeful, utterly shocking!!! Once he'd gone we looked so so fragile. We have 4 world class players and 2 maybe 3 very good players at best the rest are average and shine occasionally.

There doesn't seem to be anyone coming through the youth ranks!! We won the FA youth cup back to back, where are these players!? The last time youth teams performed like that, Beckham, Scholes, Giggs, the Nevilles, Nicky Butt, and ahem Robbie Savage were in the team and a year later Liverpool did it and we had Owen, Fowler, Carragher coming through. Now we have young foriegners being bought in and given a chance before obviously talented for there age home grown players!! The youth system sucks. We obviously have the talent yet they don't get the chance?

In one week, we have virtually thrown any chance we had at the title away and probably and very embarrassingly an early exit from the Champs league, in our supposed "easy" group!! Who is to be blamed for the squad? We've spent as much as most of the top teams over the years. £20mil on a replacement for Alonso, that hasn't really been heard about before, whos coming from his home town club for a new country and new league and has an injury. I'm sorry it's just redic. Yeah we've signed him for 5 years. So what. It's bad business full stop the end!!!

SIGH . . . Well thats the UGLY.

The Bad, we went for a coupley meal and night out last Friday which was a quality and good to catch up with a few people. My bro and his wife were due to come, but little un wasn't well so they bailed last minute. At midnight they had to rush the poor ickle mite to A + E, she couldn't breathe properly!! They got home at 5.30am with a distressed 10 month old. It really shook me up when I heard, they were told if they hadn't took her in the worst could have happened. Luckily they managed to get her treated and given an inhaler of sorts to ease her breathing as she recovers from a viral chest infection. I went round Sunday and she was full of life, crawling properly (shes been a lazeeee baby up to this point) and trying to walk and in great spirits, she was breathing normally again thankfully to. They have a black lab and it's so gentle with her, I was pssing myself watching her, crawling right across him kneeing happily in his eyes and headbutting his snout lol. He just lies there wagging his tail and it's so cute ha ha. (No I'm not getting broody!) He's such a boistrous dog usually but when shes in the room he's always very careful and gentle round her.

Right the Good, POKER . . . makes a change lol. Well it's been a good couple of weeks. Just dunno where to start, my local online Poker league (Sponsored by amatay.blogspot.com) Although this week I had to get it organised by someone else, after it was set up in advance as a $30 game (should be $10) and SJ was in Ireland paying redic money for beer and no doubt getting pwned at the felt . . . Cheers mate. Although to be fair he's been a massive help getting these organised over the weeks and obv a trip to Ireland with a load of Blondes is a good enough reason for said glitch ha ha.

Well it's back to back victory for yours truely, so my serious skillz got the job done in weeks 6 and 7, leaving me 1 point behind the leader and level with 2nd place (Ahead on monies won though) and finally turning in a nice profit for the games. 8 weeks remain so anything can happen but to be fair the usual suspects IMO are already in the top 5 spots so I think it will be between us 5 right to the death.

G Casino - I nearly didn't make it Saturday, due to having a seriously bad sambuka inspired hangover!! Had arranged to meet one of the lads there plus after a few pished texts on the Fri Dave (No Cash ) decided to come down for an afternoon of donking. So I finally got round to paying him the £25 for my stake in him for the upcoming £500 in the Blackpool GUKPT.
Anyways long story short me and my mate ended up final tarbing, I got 5th out of 50 runners (Paid top 9) for £100 and S 4th for £150. Bit annoying tbh I had visions of playing HU with my mate and I was around 3rd in chips on my exit hand, although 2nd-4th were similarly stacked and a donk from Carlisle was massive chippo. My exit hand: I was on the BB, 4k/8k, 45k infront (After posting), Chippo on Button flats, S makes up in SB, I check K6o. Flop 38K rambow, checks to chippo who fires 10k into the 24k pot, S folds . . . . I think and re-raise to 30k (STUPID) he insta calls, I have now committed myself, so shove the 4 turn he snaps, I ask how big his K is, he replies havent got a K got two pair and tables 34o!!! FFS, if I shove the flop he folds (Well maybe) so only myself to blame. Ho hum.

Intrestingly, my last visit to the G when I took 2nd in a 5 way deal the same guy who took 1st and instigated said deal was in the last 5 this time to and started trying to deal, but this time was short stacked and wanted to divide the £1300 prize pool 200 each and play for the remaining £300. I'm not to familar with deals but obv was good for him. Chippo refused tho fair play. He said he'd take £300 and £180 for each of us and play for the rest which obv was daft, as if he won which was likely he'd win £600, £100 more than he would as standard.

Online - I continued multi tarbing 6 max and have had a nice upswong again following my little stutter.

Session 11 (2 hr) = -$25
Session 12 (.5hr) = +$12
Session 13 (1.5hr) = +$37
Session 14 (1hr) = +$16
Session 15 (1hr) = +$21
Sessions 11-15 = + $63

profit/loss total= + $228.50

per hour (22) = $10.38

After a few rough sessions I have had four solid winning ones so happy days. This Sunday is my day to choose the new Site I will be playing on. My moneys off my other sites at last. I've left $300 on Stars for my league games and to continue my last 5 sessions of the 6max.

I have also downloaded the HEM trial version. Couldn't get it to save HH and haven't tried since so lost a 3rd of my 15 day free trial. So thats my mission for tonight, try and get that working. My frustrating evening trying to do this coincided with session 11 funnily enough. Hmmmm

Ends.

Honeymoon's over!

2009-10-15T01:39:00.000-07:00

Before it has begun it feels

Yesterday mornings first significant loss was followed by session 9 during the very average England game, leaving me a further $21 down!!

Hmmm, now I need to work out why: I'd like to think variance (This is what everyone cries about when they start to lose, of course) Personally I think ever so slightly my game and mentality has changed, due to my early success, I have been playing arrogantly and not respecting my opponents enough. So they were a donk in one hand, this doesn't mean they haven't picked a monster up in the next!!

JJ x 3 AiP v's KK, AA, AA. All of which I should have got away from pre, I'm calling off or in one case five bet shoving my stack hoping to see AK or an unlikley underpair, I have to stop this. Other horrible plays calling a three bet pre with AJ then hitting the J and stacking off v's QQ, in a similar situ I three bet from SB with AJo following a button raise, get a pause and flat call, J high flop and get b/c'd to the river where my bet there gets shoved over, do I fold my TPTK? Na course not, I call off my remaining $8 to see QQ. SPEWTARD!!! This in other formats I get away from easily. I'm not giving people enough credit for hands simple as that. In other spots I'm getting to involved with top pair average kicker and being out kicked. I shouldn't be in the hand to start with!!!!

At these stakes big bets really do mean 95% of the time that the villan has the goods. I was being cold decked to a degree, I mean were 6 or 5 handed and these hands are up against other monsters. The only time I got it AiP ahead was QQ v AKo 9 hi flop looked good but the A and the K on 4th and 5th str, put pay to another stack. So standard and shouldn't bother me, yet due to running/playing bad, these type of hands start making you believe the poker deities are really not on your side lol. To compound it I was dealt AA three times, two of which my standard x3 pre raise took the blinds (Probably 2 of 5 times all night my raise was respected) and the 3rd time I three bet an UTG raiser who folds for a $0.45 return :o) . . . . . lol.

I know all you players out there are thinking how standard this is and get used to it, but in one or two games it's frustrating, yet when you're being constantly out drawn, or cold decked on 4 of your 6 tarbs it's downright heartbreaking!!! The positive is apart from a KK v 55 rivered set, I didn't get any bad beats that I can remember. Apart from the odd flush hitting when villans completely priced out. So the problems I'm facing I can deal with by adjusting my own play and mind set.

Plus point,

Session 9 during 1st half of the England match = - $21 (1hr)

Session 10 = + $10.50 (1.5hr)

profit/loss 9-10 = - $10.50
profit/loss total= + $167.50
per hour (16) = $10.45

. . . . from 22.30 to midnight. This second session of the evening, was hard work as I was trying to adjust due to what had already occurred in the previous session. As such I think I may have missed good re-steal spots and some value as I nitted up a little, but my goal was a achieved in turning it around. By the end I logged off alot happier and a little humbled really by stakes I had previously not overly respected.

Need: Tracking software, HUD, training video's, 6 max cash game literature!!

Ends.

Eureka!

2009-10-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

At the end of this month, I am emptying my online poker accounts and starting all over again. (Aside from Poker Stars, where I will leave enough for my local pokay league)

I'm scrubbing the slate clean . . . I'm very, VERY excited about this.

Why? Well because I can.

1. I don't get rakeback on any site at the moment. This never was an issue to me. Although daft, I signed up for alot of sites in the early days and missed a veritable gravy train. So I am leaving these sites and joining sites through a Rake back site (The best I'm lead to believe is Rake the Rake?) I don't have a Betfair account and there are also some good RB deals through Raise the River forum to so they will be my first port of call. I am going to explore these options and pick the best initial fit and probs bonus whore for the forseable future.

2. I was never to fussed about rake back because I was predominantly playing STT's and MTT's. I now plan on really giving cash ago. This big shift has come from being alot more limited in the length of time I seem to be able to play. Cash I can log in and log off as and when simples.

3. I need more structure to play my best. I set up an STT challenge not so long ago 100 $10 STT's on Stars = + $400 plus change. Not bad at all. BUT I got so bored and I just wanted to finish it for finishings sake. Also 100 standard STT's two tarbing equates to 75 hours of my life give or take = $5.30 per hour. Since then I have just pished about MTT's STT's if time was short etc, and my silly underolled shots at $1/$2, $2/$4 and $3/$6 cash. These actually resulted in a profit, but reduced me to playing like a scared hopeful fish. So I pulled back following my first significant loss and just went back to STT's and MTT's. Breaking even and losing the will to play as I ran/played badly.

3. As I plan on playing cash Rakeback becomes a must, it can turn a losing session into a break even one etc.

4. Following watching the 2M2MM it made me realise that the vast majority of online pro's that sustain, are playing cash. The show itself is ok and entertaining, although, being a poker show you'd expect to have some tid bits to help your game. Erm not here you don't. So . . .

. . . CASH, I decided to try my hand at, I have a proper approach for once! So I'm doing 20 sessions @ $10NL SIX MAX (Buying in for $6 auto reload) to get a feel for it, without costing me if it falls flat on it's face. I am going to see how I'm doing, have I still got the energy and am I still enjoying it. Most importantly am I winning1?

My current situ is, I play on Poker Stars until the afforementioned new account search, I have set aside $180, as a realistic cash roll of 30 $6 buy in's, I'm 8 sessions in:

Session 1 and 2: four tabled, first one took a bit of messing as I tried tiled and cascade, finding cascading suits me best.

Sessions 3 onward: 5 and 6 tarbed and prefer it as, I don't tilt (as yet) because if I take a beat I'm holding up elsewhere to cover the loss etc. It really does iron variance out. Also if you get a bad beat the fish involved doesn't generally take to long to donate it back. If they don't leave instantly!!

Session.
1.(1.5hr)+ $3.5
2.(2hr) + $17
3.(1hr) + $27.5
4.(3hr) + $68
5.(.5hr) - $4.5
6.(2hr) + $52
7.(2.5hr)+ $33.5.
8.(.45 hr) - $19

profit/loss 1-8 = + $178
profit/loss total= + $178
$ per hour = $11

This is obv a good start and I'm sure it's not sustainable, but I am very suprised at how much I have made at 5c/10c basically micro stakes! Some of the play is LOL. BUT there are some good multi tarbing regs there to who are obv using HUD's and tracking etc and adjust well to my play and others. My last losing sesh was this morning whilst having a bath before going to work and tbh it was a string of bad beats(AK called by AJo AIP, QQ v K8o AIP), me playing a bit to aggro and apart from one shocking call I made which cost me $11, I felt it was just a standard losing session. Which I was kinda happy about. Because I just seemed to be sitting down and winning with little effort!! So this has proved alls well with the world and I need to keep ontop of my game. I'll expand more on my plans in future, but generally I'll use the blog to keep a record for myself and to monitor adjustments and air my thoughts on this relatively exciting adjustment in my pokeplaying.

BANK ROLL.

Current online (Various Aquariums) = $1183.98

Current live poker acc = £4581.

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £3932.20 (+ £4417.81)*

Online = + £2701 (£3161) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £1231.20 (1256.80) (even)

*Brackets denote best and worst for 2009.

Ends

Adventures in Babysitting!!

2009-10-09T01:38:00.000-07:00

My weekend to come will be one of faeses, a screaming girl and a sleepless night, no I won't be so drunk I shit the bed. I am babysitting my 10 month old neice, from 8am Saturday to Lunch time Sunday!! Arrrrrrggggggghhhh

Given the chance I think that would be me above, if, I was left to my own devices whilst on babysitting duty ha ha. Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately) I have a girlfriend who is the manager of childrens nursery, so is excellent with babies,(and dotes on my niece) so my input will be minimal. You know pulling faces, making stupid noises and waving my hands about, all of which I do when playing the old online pokes so I'm fully trained. Although I won't be telling her to "fuck off you cheating bastard" which is one of my regular profanities when being battered at the virtual felt.

So no lie in for me all weekend sigh, although the upside is we're having a beginners pokay night at my bro's on Saturday,an excuse to have a night of drinking, banter and to teach some of our rather poker ignorant mates, a bit more about the game we all love and enjoy. The missus is dropping me off at 5pm and is looking after my niece for the evening, so I can watch the England game, (Well that was the plan, I'll expain more a bit later, why this isn't happening) then into the dining room for the poker with a few of our friends. This is the third such night with the same group and strangely the poker bug hasn't caught any of them, don't get me wrong they have a good night we get shit faced and my bro knocks up his usually spectacular Chilli. Buuuuuut for some reason they haven't took to the game, when I first played I was insatiable, wanted to play, read and learn. But I was playing on level playing field, with equally clueless individuals and we learnt together as such, some more deeply and seriously than others though. Perhaps the fact of the 8 of us my bro and one other play regularly and ultimately win on these beginners nights, leaves them maybe with a bad taste in there mouth, so they just want to keep it as an occasional bit of fun? Who knows, anyway I'm looking forward to it as since my last Notts trip apart from extensive training work wise I haven't been up to much.

So the plan was to get there for 5pm, "crack a few tinnies," as they say in that place Hitler came from and watch our boys in a rare situation, a competive England match where the result's pretty irrelevant . . . Why has this changed, because we are boycotting the game and I hope everyone else is doing the same. The greedy fuckers!!! The game has been put out of reach of the terrestrial channels and with Setanta going under it was up for grabs, some internet streaming company has the rights now and are pimping it out for a bargain £12/£15 on the night online only. Thank you but fuck off. I may be wrong but I am pretty sure the F.A. promised all England's competitive matches would be available to the English supporters for free on terestrial T.V. this is obv not the case, why! Why should we have to pay to see our own boys play it's redic.

This is the bit that disgusts me: England defender Rio Ferdinand (Ex Hammer cunt, current Man Utd greedy cunt) has described it as: "A good step forward".He added: "I read that online advertising has taken over from TV, so that tells you something about where it's going on in terms of the digital world." . . . You stupid, thick, greedy, ugly idiot, Rio Ferdinand you should be applauded I mean you're clearly thinking of the fans and not your already over inflated wallet.

One comment summed it up at the end of the report:

"Well done Rio, Thanks for thinking of the fans, I am staggered you support something that takes away the national game from its massive TV fanbase and instead beams it to a tiny proportion of people with the necessary computer technology to receive it, so denying the majority chance to watch their heroes.I can only assume you have headed far too many balls and its affected your thinking.May I suggest in future you stop trying to sound like you have your finger on the pulse by quoting some half-baked bit of research(if you do some proper work during all that time off you have after training you'll see that limitations in the study) and instead stand up for the fans who can't afford to travel abroad but still want to support the national team. If you find that too difficult may I suggest that in future you just SHUT UP.

and another comment . .

Rio you may be able to afford to pay out for such luxuries without batting an eye lid, but for the average joe in the street that has to pull in 50 hours a week hard graft to earn a pittance and then have to pay extra to watch a match that should be free to all that want to watch it in this country is just down right wrong.

Not one person I know is going to be watching it "allegedly". I really, REALLY hope this backfires and they end up making a loss, the best bit is the games pretty meaningless from a qualifying point of view and hopefully this will impact significantly on sales. If people don't buy it then in the future these greedy cunts will look elsewhere for opportunities to basically rob us!!

Both the above sum up exactely how I feel and many others.

Anyways, got a crispy bacon bap with my name all over it sat on my desk infront of me . . . eh! what was that? "eat me!" . . . "Why thank you little bit of piggy, don't mind if I do"

Ends.

How retarded can you get!?

2009-10-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

Gobsmacked, speechless, amazed, nonplussed . . . and whatever other words describe my current shock!!

I'm to be one of my good friends, (Pictured above, name change to protect identity) best men in 2010 (Theres two of us, his oldest mate from school and moi) . I was honoured to be asked and am shitting myself about it . . . He texted this morning at 9am to tell me if I didn't apologise for wait for it!! "Implying he was a donk" in our local league match online last night, not to bother ever speaking to him again!!! WTF . . . He is serious to.

I actually put in the chat box following him knocking me out "Play like a donk>run golden>ship" He then lost it in the chat box.

The hand that lead to my frustration is as follows, I respect his play he's a solid player and he had started abusing that respect, systematically raising my BB 5 times on the bounce, he had just under twice my stack on the fifth time, I have 22, only pp I'd seen 5/12 left I'm second shortest stack and have played like a nit having recently doubled through with AQ v Chippos AJ) and he min raises to 400 in SB I shove 1900 he snap calls with A4o!! Rivers the A obv. I was fuming!! Just took fifteen minutes out and came back to final four and watched him call another all in after limping on another nit with A7o and snapping for 3/4 of his stack, he was up against A10s he flops 7 and knocks out 4th place. I then put in my above retort. He isn't generally a donk but was playing like one last night, the evidence.

Donk hand one: Chip leader who is running like god on BB, Retard limps in the CO, she raises x3 he flats, 5h8cJd flop check, Tard bets 600 into 2000, she insta calls turn Kd, check he bets 600 into 3200, she insta calls. River 2d she bets 2000, at this point they are chip leaders, if he calls he's down to 900!! He tanks than calls with 7c7h and wins against a Q10o and very cleverly played bluff, we hadn't seen anything but the nuts or near nuts all night from this girl. He then proceeds to gloat about his "great" call. Bad form.

Donk Hand 2: Calling an all in from me with A4o

Donk hand 3: Snapping AIP with A7o v A10

Donk hand 4: Which I really enjoyed . . . He ends up HU, with a big chip lead. He is getting run over a bit, but holding his own then this: He's on BB, SB raise x 3 he flats J46r he check calls c-bet, turn K, he check calls pot bet two suits out, 9 completes potential flush, he check calls an all in with 79o for a pair of 9's v J9 two pair!! WTF. He is now on life support wp!

Another mate types "donk" in the box and he just goes on a spew telling him to get a better job so he can afford to play etc!! Just nasty shit, I text him saying calling me a knobs out of order (Which he did in chat box after my comment above) also I put I felt he was harsh putting the job comment in to, he the texts back "fuck off." Friendly!! He finally donks out 2nd still for $36 putting him comfortably 2nd in the league. You think he'd be happy.

Apart from asking for an apology, he accused me of a lack of loyalty and said he wasn't out of order in anyway!! I am shocked I've only ever seen him like this when Man Utd lose and he can't take the banter!! MAN UTD fan NUFF said really.

To be honest I'm fucking fuming. I sent him a couple of well worded texts in return,, basically saying it's me due an apology, but feel a bit childish, I mean we're erm . . . 21 give or take, ffs we're not in Primary school.

Rant over . . .

On a plus note, I had a wet dream last night . . . It was so so gooooooooood, first one since my teens, second one ever!! Shes ill so not had any " hows your father" for two days, or even managed a crafty wank either (Bad times)!! So it was a nice and totally mind blowing release, although she was wondering why I had to change my boxers at 4am, I told her it was down to a sleepy, post wee dribble ;o)

Ends.

Phoenix from the flames.

2009-09-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Following recently drowning in river upon river of bad beats, cold decks and just generally having a very negative mindset of our favorite pastime.

I feel yesterday, I emerged from my funk in a very positive mindset, strangely following reading my Tarot quote of the day on Facebook (I never look at this shit usually, but it was by my fantasy footy team an it caught my eye LMAO!!) It was very encouraging, saying I was in good place and should be doing my utmost to do things that provide me with most money making opportunities. It just so happened I was off for the day so after an Amatay style lie in I arose for some BRUnch and proceeded to tackle the tarbs whilst watching Season 6 of Smallville on B.T. Vision (Great for in demand T.V. Awful for films or sport! I'll be back to Sky once my contract expires). I have flushed my system of playing games I'm underolled for and set about some low stakes patient cash and a few low stakes STT's to warm up, within two hours on Full Tilt and Will Hills I was £120 to the good! This was playing patiently and without my recent feeling of irritation and over eagerness. I finished the sesh in the afternoon with back to back 1st places in two 9 seat STT's a $5 on Full Tilt and $10 on Will Hills, leaving me up overall £320 for the day so happy days.

I logged off and did a bit of house work (Gay), knowing it would get Premenstral in a good mood when she got in from work! I actually enjoyed this, washing up naked with the kitchen blinds open is very liberating!! Why was I naked!!? Well you got to take advantage with the missus out and the tinternet at your disposal!!

Following a well done for doing the housework on your day off shag, I had a bit of shitty oven fodder for my tea and logged onto Facebook and Stars to make sure everything was going sorted for the week 2 league game that evening.

(Bum licking alert) As you know I'm still unable to sort private games out and again (Pictured here with his flat mate, you decided which is which) AMATAY "has the power" . . . After a slight time mix up he sorted it for me again, WET time is the way forward SJ, and also did a three way transfer for me online at the last minute, when Stars decided to not let me transfer funds for some fucking reason to a lad who mainly plays on Full Tilt and wants to play in the league. So thanks fella.

After last weeks debacle I went and played in the bedroom and she was told to stay in the lounge and watch her soaps so I could concentrate. It did the trick and I managed 3rd/10 to get me some points on the board. Another good laugh although bits of the banter started to get personal, T who won last week was on the recieving end of me trying to tilt him throughout, he ran like God again from the start opening a massive 4.5k chip lead nearest to him on 2.5k!! Luckily his luck and play ran out and he crashed fourth leaving me to battle it out with two of my mates who share a flat. I was literally being bombarded out of hands, raised and reraised before I could get involved, then once I folded min bet folding on the flops etc or plain limp checking down. Whenever in my blind It was raised by one or the other to the point I eventually shoved 44 out of sheer frustartiong ran into 77 gg me, apparently my other mate folded 1010! Hmmmmm anyway this morning I've had three of the lads on the dog complaining (As per) of collusion wanting me to get HH and shit. I can't really be arsed to be honest and don't think this one games a good sample size to start accusing. Although it did look a bit iffy at times espesh four handed, uber aggressive unless against each other!! Fuck knows but I don't see the real benefit of doing that for the sake of a 10 man league over 15 weeks it will get spotted and isn't really worth there while.

On a seperate note my brother and I were accused "jokingly" of collusion during the game (If you knew our relationship you'd know this would never happen lol) I basically stated I folded QQ on a 7JK all diamond flop with Qd . . . See what you think, I know how my bro plays he blasts with very weak hands, limp calls average hands as standard . . . I have QQ in CO, folds to bro to my imediate right who limps for 30 (15/30 blinds) he has around 1100 me around1650 I reraise to 150 expecting a call tbh. It folds back to him who reraises to 270!!! Alarm bells!! So out of character, I'm instantly putting him on a monster 9/10 times. I call, flop as previously described, he then thinks, thinks, then shoves. I tank but already know I'm folding, the whole scenario stinks to me. I fold he says AA with Ad and I do believe him although AdK or even KK was in my mind here. Two things for me if I lose I'm crippled early and will struggle to get back on terms and I can't stand him getting the better of me so I fold. Then comes the comments. The fact I went on to knock him out when we go aggro in the blinds, him min raising at 50/100, I flat with Qh10c flop 8910 all hearts, he bets I shove he tank calls with KhQd, he bricks and it puts pay to the earlier opinions (Jh would have been nice there though ;o). So all in all it seems to have started off quite well with a few showing interest for next season already.

Fed up at work today . . . Plus point, mates 30th in Notts this Fri/Sat, GET IN!! Seven of us going Fri meeting a few of his old Uni mates for the Fri then a load of the boys heading over Sat (Including my bro and a few other of the fish) for the Forest v Blackpool game Sat and staying so should be 25 or so heading out Sat night!! Accomodation sorted by me again for London Rd Prem Inn carnage to ensue. A trip to DtD's on the cards Sat afty for those of us not going the game. (Note to self avoid Hardcore raves with a £12 entry and only cooler boxes of Strongbow for refreshment!!)

Ends

Bored, bored, bored zzzzzzzz . . .

2009-09-10T05:58:00.000-07:00

Goddam I'm fed up today!!! In general to be honest!!!

It has shown in my play at le'tarbs to, impatient wanting to do other things, trying to force things etc. So I have hardly been playing, following my recent downswing, when I have played, I haven't been on top form, usually I'm devouring strategy guides and re-reading books etc . . . but I'm bored of that, so my shitty game has suffered even more.

I don't get my lethargy, maybe I need to exercise or find some new hobby!? Fuck knows, I am a Gemini and as someone who has a certain belief in astrology, I do very much have a typical Gemini's personality. Getting bored of routine is a prime one as is my changeable attitude to life, what's fun and has my undivided attention one minute, I don't give two shits about a few days later!!

Thanks to Amatay for setting up a 15 week donkament league for me on Pokay Stars. I was in a bit of a pickle and he sorted this last minute for me, after I found I didn't have enough FPP to set a private game up, Burnley Mik (Seen here trying to get a read on someone, who will no doubt river him) kindly offered to set it up for me a couple of weeks back when I found I wasn't able. Even the fact all but one of the league players didn't have Stars accounts until I set it up didn't sway Stars ever so helpful admin team to make an exception!! Unfortunatley Miks game didn't appear and as he was scouting talent in Cyprus he had no access to help rectify whatever had occurred leaving me in a quandry!! So following the afformentioned help we got underway . . .

. . . I came a respectable 10th out of 11 in the first nights game. It's a Monday night game, everyones transfered $10 to play in the league which will be used as a kitty to pay top 3 league. Then it's a stamdard STT really $10+$1 buy in. It is a good laugh doing this, we had some cracking banter. Well apart from a few being nobs about who should/shouldn't play and debating the points system.

So cheers SJ, sorting it out, stopped me getting any earache after they all set up on Stars.

Right . . . Back to work . . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ends

Step up, slapped back down!!

2009-09-03T04:22:00.000-07:00

I am getting COLD DECKED left, right and centre this week not so much bad beats (although to be fair had plenty of those to) it seems lots of improbable hand v hand situations, a couple of examples, me with QQ UTG v KK UTG +1 v AA Button! Another, river to give me a nut flush happens to give my opponent's two pair the one card for the boat that would get all my chipolata's!! Two of the most annoying this week, it's just seemed to be non-stop.

I suppose it comes on the back of a good couple of weeks that have seen me turn my measley $72 BR on Full Tilt up to, prior to the weekend, $1550, running it up initially with $10 STT's, once over $250, quarter stacking $100NL and once over $650 quarter stacking $600NL!! (Nice BR management eh!!) Obv I ran good and ducked and dived to a healthy BR on Full Tilt, plus had various STT's and MTT's in the mix (Haven't cashed an MTT though)

I have also forked out for a 1% stake in a sick player I have got to know through Raise the River forum. Kennl as he is known on Tilt n Stars. Kenn is just quality, a high volume MTT player and has currently smashed in some massive MTT wins these last couple of weeks. So for $143 I get 1% of any monies he makes over an 11 event WCOOP run. ONE TIME!! It's probably safer in his hands than mine and I am confident I'll see some kind of return, if not, well at least I feel it was a good investment opp and if rolled wouldn't hesitate to repeat in the future and as long as Amatay hasn't invested I should be brewstered in a few weeks, if he has then Kenn will run like a vindaloo with extra chillies inspired shit.

BOOM have lifted my foot off the gas following the above heater, a quick loss of $250 Monday, when after a weekend away in Chester with the missus, I came home over eager to get to the tarbs and played like a dick. Worse being 4 handed @ $3/$6 and after dropping $20 of my $130 buy in I proceed to button raise standard to $16 to get repopped all in by the BB. (Who I had no real info) I snapped him, thats right insta called with A8o!! WTF am I thinking I'm beating, fecking prick DoV!! He had AQs and rivered the Q for good measure on a JKJ3 board . . . sigh. Just daft, I can't blame anyone but myself but was a real shot in the arm so with just over $1200 left, I did what any idiot should do and invoke the withdrawl curse, in my anger I withdrew to robbing bastards Neteller $750 . . . I was tilted and wanted to protect myself and obv it's a tidy profit as I have only put $200 into Full Tilt this year. This left me with around $450 online.

Here's where the fun begins because last time I withdrew on Full Tilt at the end of last year I whammoed my account in about two weeks, following the sickest form I have ever encountered since I started playing, obv I misplayed my roll a touch and chased losses but it was car crash horrible, horrible stuff!! It took me 6 months to really get back on F.T. TBH.

Low and behold it has started again, I withdrew the aforementioned monies Monday evening (Knowing Neteller, it will hit my bank account around January 2010) and as a proven idiot that I am have decided now is the time to really hurt myself, really twist the knife and step up to the $50 STT's, I'm rolled for 7 of these . . . lol perfick!!!

Here's how it went . . . Tues, first $50 out 5th was nicely stacked, the the QQ UTG hand happened, I limp get a min raise to my left, the Aggro chip leader smashed his stack in. I call as does first raiser who has the KK, Chippo with AA flops set to send us both packing!! I switch comp off as I had just been totally shat on as I played a $20 alongside the $50, QJ on QJ9 flop 3 turn all money in on turn oppo has Q9 rivers 9!!

Last night, I play 3 along with a $30, $20 and $10 (Didn't cash in one, but played well).

Full Tilt froze on the $10 as blinds rose with four left I was second in chips and came back to see my final hand AKs for peanuts get beat by A4o!! I was in the early stage of a $50 when this happened and thankfully had had an early chip up to 2100, came back to 5 left and me shortstack on 1300, I managed to get into last 3 and then AQ no good against chippo's A10 AIP.

I then fire up the next $50 I manage another third again, crippled to an awful beat in the last 3 when chip leader, I flop a set and shove a bet to be called by second pair top kicker on a KJ7 flop he then manages to get runner runner QUADS!!! Yeah ok, out I go. That game had been a real struggle to. It is a real battle playing the $50's I find. Move and countermove, it feels like your chips are your army to be used to feint and ambush your opponents. Exhilerating but quite taxing. The lower stakes, you get paid off in so many spots it is really easy and paint by numbers STT strat. The gulf is quite big I find.

Last game, I battle to last four and for the first time notice I have a really big edge over two really bad players, one of which at 25/50 had open shoved UTG+1 for 1350 with 33 to be called by AKs UTG + 2 (-ev call that early anyway) the 3's held but WTF . . . throughout, him and this other guy just played really bad yet were getting lucky it was obscene and were getting some nasty but deserved stick in the chat box. Anyway last four I had to nit up cos 33 guy was calling anything with paint and half decent kicker, he knocked 5th out with Q9 v AQ, you knew the 9 would hit. I had to clam up and my usual 4 way play went out the window as I to wait for showdownable hands, any raise I made was shoved on which kept me afloat when I had the goods but was killing me any other time. I was 3rd in chips by a small margin and the other donk was shortest. He then shoved UTG, now this is what did me! I folded A9o knowing BB would call (33 guy) now in retrospect I should have called I think even as I clicked fold I thought mistake! BB did indeed call with A3o v UTG 88 flop KJ3 turn 9 ARRRRGHHH river K!! So I was left the shortie but still a stack that could hurt the other 3, I shoved UTG next hand with 1010 nice little hand, called by donk and donkier K3s and K8o respectivley flop AAJ Q J for a cosy split pot for them and me out in 4th!!

I felt a bit sick, as if the world was against me, I never usually get like this but the stakes and the beats were really getting to me, I was feeling as though I was being set up all over and folding correctly alot of big hands to avoid the BS RnG!! SOOOOOOOOOOO A BAD BEAT POST MY APOLOGIES.

Wish I'd blogged the other week when it was all going crazy good. I was getting typed out on RtR though, waffling shit on the forum and couldn't be arsed blogging. It has crashed this week so I'm left twiddling my thumbs. Hope it comes back on soon I'm getting withdrawl symptoms!! . . .

. . . Been blagged into the home game tonight, I have got a bit jaded with it tbh, win virtually every week obv :o) buuuut . . . recently the regs aren't regs anymore T (Who runs the Tues pub league) has been inviting some of the pub peeps along and tbh they are muppets. Homegame night is for mates not randoms with no skillz and donk about frustrating everyone!! Well at last a couple of the regs have voiced there displeasure at the SCRAT ATTACK that has been occurring, yes they are donating to the evening but they just aren't on our wavelength, chavy or geeky and aren't wanted, T is very money oriented and likes having dead money in the game and loves to have an edge, I'm not personally overly arsed about £20/£30 on a Thurs it's a night out with close friends, the games the excuse to meet up (It makes it easiers saying this now I'm over £120 up for the year!) I have stopped going much and told him this was why. Now the others have spoken up we have got a game with 7 of us tonight all from the orig gang. Looking forward to it. Although feel a bit frazzled with pokes, so I'm ready to lose a few quid tonight as my game has been knocked out of sync.

Ends.

Not the post people are waiting for . . .

2009-08-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

. . . It is coming though guys this will explain my lack of effort . . .

I'm not one to moan, but I have just about recovered from the worst illness I can remember in my adult life!! I have been back in work since Monday due to us being short in the office (Not one of us taller than 5'11") but still not 100%. I had had the whole of last week off in bed!!

Basically, I was on call the Fiday night of the weekend before last, left work, had felt a bit meh all day really went and met a few of the lads for a pint (Standard start to the weekend) the phone was non stop so the one hour drink equated to 10 mins banter with the lads, 50mins sat in my car sorting pre-menstral staff out!! Got home managed half me tea, the on-call phone was busier than usual, which I put my developing headache down to. Anyways got to bed, slept right through to 9am before the phone started again. (good lie in when on-call) Luckily no one had gone off sick so I was running good, although felt like I'd done 10 rounds with Tyson when I got out of bed, proper achey and stiff (Not the morning glory type!) Had to get back to work to hand over On-Call at 11am. Usually 2pm but had arranged to go the G Casino to play the Sat £15, 1x re-buy + 1 add on, 4k starting stack, with my mate T.

Arrived at th G early doors for a bite, they only had cold sandwiches FML, felt like shit and no hot food. Couldn't be arsed going out for food so settled for the bargain £4 Beef salad and english mustard. (2 slices of bread, the afforementioned beef and EM, salad on the side so you have a DIY butty basically!!) Plus some dodgy vegetable crisp type things made out of beetroot and swede and similar, these are usually prolly nice but they tasted funky, so I left em and just nailed the sandwich, washed down with a pint of wife beater. We we're far to early to reg so we just sat reading Pker Player and waffling shit. TBH after my 2nd wife beater, I started to feel a little bit better . . . hmmmmm. ;o)

By the time the tourney started there were 15 runners!! Fucking 15 lol, apparently according to the TD, the smallest field he'd ever had for any tourney there! The smallest by a mile for me anyway. By late reg finishing we had 18 whoopey fucking dooo. Played my usual game and actually had a really good laugh me and my mate on seperate tarbs, which was probs for the best cos we play sick against each other given the chance lol. Had a late regger, internet lad to my left who was really on my wavelength so had plenty of banter, a loaded couple (Fella dealt, as self deal tourney) who were from Notts and DtD regs up for a saucy weekend (Both had wedding bands, but weren't married to each other!! She was a hot MILF to, in the mid/late 40's) They were a good laugh and obv seasoned players, the rest of the tarb was young or old crusty reg's = Donks, as well as a few lads from Leicester up for the weekend one on my tarb others on my mates. So me n the lad to the left ran the table over pretty much and gave respect to each other and chipped up nicely, curised through break getting the add on. (Haven't had re-buy in all the time I've played these tourneys.)kept running comfortabley until I took a bad beat and dropped two thirds of my stack to Nott's Dealer. I had JJ on BB 5/8 limped to me I re popped it x 6BB (Allowing for all limpers) He flat called as did an old guy who was playing every hand, flop 23J rambow, nice. I c-bet 2/3rds pot as it had been my default play. Milf hunter calls, old geezer folds, turn A, I trap check he fires out half pot I shove over he snaps me with AJo guess what the river was . . .

Got moved shortly after, my mate had bust his table, was full of local "good" regs and although he's exceptional at the pub pokes, being the tight arsed accountant he is, he struggles to forget the buy in at the Casino and play his natural game and when he loses a hand thinks the whole world and poker gods are against him!! Basically tilts far to easily.

Anyways I move and sit down short stack with 11 left 9 peep final table, paid top 3 £250, £160, £100 and just start blasting with half decent hands on the old reg's who half know me as an ok player (I think lol) as they let me take a few blinds during the two circuits and played the chip leader off a pot at one stage with flopped mid pair to chip me up a few thou in chips. The other table loses the young good lad and an old timer and we hit final tarb. I'm 2nd shortest stack still though!! I FINALLY GET TO WEAR MY GIRLY HOLIDAY SHADES OF DOOM!! No Cash got the pleasure of seeing these shades when I drove us to Notts the other week, I bought them in the airport before me t'gypt holiday, FROM THE GENTS SECTION!! Although they are just big cover my eyes completly and eyebrows I've tried them at a couple of homegames with great success (and much piss taking) and have took them to all my local casino trips recently, promising only to wear them once hitting a final tarb!! (They were also great on hols, hassle free perving as she couldn't see where I was looking!) I had done it final tabled, epic achievment against 18 lol, so following a break and having a redic'll sick convo with some Brummie, Blackpool property owning/letting gambling degen in the smokers area (the guy was so sick it was untrue! I'll save the stories for another time!) We wandered back in to find that we had no dealers to deal final tarb, my mate offered as he had dealt when he got knocked out of the tourney, everyone was fine with this put NOOOO we had to wait as it was the rules all final tarbs had a casino dealer!! Three dealers had rang in sick, FML, 45 mins later a female dealer's pulled out the pit when a Blackjack tarb had ran out of customers and we get going. I pop on the shades and felt the magic work all these people who I had been bantering with looked on in awe as my eyes and majoriy of my face vanished, I saw one young lad from Leicester visibly gulp!!

I felt like Sly Stallone when he turned his hat back to front in OVER THE TOP!! LOVE THIS FILM LOL.

Obv this is the reaction I expected! So I started off doing what I do best . . . I ordered a pint!!!

I settled in as I had a bit of play in my stack, my earlier ill feeling had all but vanished as I set about my fourth pint, had layed of the Stella and started on Carling as was due out with the lads once we'd finished although it was getting late as it was 6.30pm, the final tarbs a blur TBH as was a bit way and a bit woo (But in total contol!) I remember going to the toilet and sitting down to a few comments about the shades (Jealous obv!) I got a pure double through thanks to the chippie calling my 66 AIP shove with a very reluctant AKo caLL, I then went into overtime stealing and restrealing with slightly tipsy abandon, then my play of the day (I felt) The couple from Notts were on the tarb, Milf opposite, Fella to my left, with the dealer in between (So he wasn't facing the power of the Girlie shades of Doom!) it folded to me in the SB, now he was the only one really playing back at me and the young guy at the start of the tourney, so I expected his play here and did a Hellmuth, I thought for a few seconds with 106o called, he insta re-popped it x4 I grabbed both my stacks and stuck em right in his eye as fast as lightening!! It looked sooo strong lol. He instantly started bitching and after 30 secs tossed Snakes (RtR) fave hand face up! COCK
. . . .

I mucked my 106 and said "IF YOU HADN'T INSULTED ME BY RAISING WITH THAT SHIT I WOULD OF SHOWN!!" lol . . . Well I enjoyed it.

So after out playing the hammer weilding beaaaitch, next hand I got involved in was blind vs blind again I limp again he shoves this time ha ha, I fold whatever rags I have, I steal his missus's BB again then on SB again a reg called Ron raises button I shove AK, he calls and we split as he has same. We lose a couple then down to six I pick up AQs UTG+1 raise my standard 2.5bb, Notts guy insta shoves, like way to quick, folds back to me I snap call I'm ahead by about a third in chips, he tables A7o!! Flop 1092 rambo turn 8, river J, he dives up banging table (DtD reg did I mention) "Got the straight get in!!!" My mate who's railing for his 10% starts laughing as does the rest of the table!! I haul the chips in and he goes bright red, his missus hangs her head with a shake!! PRICELESS.

We get down to 5 way I'm cut in half when I double Ron the Reg up, my 1010 no good against his K3s SB shove to my BB. He proceeds to lose alot of them to chippo before I start running the table over again (No Cash styley) all this time its getting to 7.30pm and people are on about deals as the next tourney starts at 8pm and three are playing it. I keep refusing as its all going good. I get back to comfortable 2nd in chips, no one wants to dance in any hand I get involved in, or overbet me to get me out of the hand, so I know it's just a matter of time before I trap someone. Eventually an exasperated chip leader offers the following and I'm getting the guilt trip from young Leicester lad about having a good afty all played well blah blah and want to get into Bpool for the night, shame any of us have to go home empty handed etc etc. . . so I get offered £130 for taking 2nd, chippo £140, other 3 £80 each. I agree as it sees a pretty good deal for me really. Plus T badgering as we already late for everyone at the pub!! . . .

Happy days and to be fair a big up to Raise the River and the lads who I feel have really elevated my game and approach hugely, a big erection on Full Tilt sharkscope is testament to this since I started suffering with the new software on there. It's very big boys and girls, well for a fish like me :o)

Anyways went out got smashed had a good night met the bird around 3am.

(My Honeymoon pics on Raise the River btw http://www.raisetheriver.com/discuss/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8978 . . . )

Woke up and was just fucked, like proper ill!!! She blamed a hangover, but I knew it was more than that. Woke Monday even worse . . . Just ill all week horrible, played a bit of pokes but my heart wasn't in it, couldn't read much as headaches, so just downloaded shit loads of films and dozed in and out of those most of the week (Twilight I'm embarrassed to say is really good!) so a week of being achey sneezey, not allowed to docs due to symptoms etc. . . led to me having to sell my Spurs ticket (Not overly gutted following result) although always a good craic . . . Got up Sunday properly for the first time all week. I wouldn't wish the way I felt on anyone though!! So tough week, following a couple of cracking weekends!! VARIANCE, SUCKS HAIRY UNEMPTIED FAT DANGLY NADGERS!!!!!

You asleep yet . . .

Ends

My version of events

2009-08-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

from the Raise the River meet will be posted at some point this week. (I hate to think what impression I left on the lads!!) I hit it quite hard and my usual hatred for Mondays is magnified today, I feel like West Ham must most weekends during the season. Really shit!! ;o) . . .

. . . What a fantastic bunch of lads though. In my defence as I said I'm out of practice and my body is reminding me of that at the moment, plus I didn't have much to eat all weekend!!! (I'm sure I can find further excuses for being such a lightweight when I can think clearly.)

The missus is determined I take her out for something to eat after work, as she has been missing me all weekend and I just want to go to bed when I get in!! She has no sympathy though.

Big Congrats to Amatay who pwned the £50 Freeze out on Saturday night at Dusk till Dawn, making a HEALTHY £1700ISH (including a £10 per head, nine way last longer bet)

Ends.

Nottingham Booked!!!

2009-07-28T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'm here for all the RtR folk and folkesses, right, I used my card to secure the other 4 rooms I mentioned!!

So . . .Fri + Sat 100% = Moi, No Cash, Mr.O. (3 rooms?)

Maybe's for both nights = Rubbish, Cogs + Amatay?

Deffo Sat = Mik, Snake and dD??

Am I right with that? The rooms for the four "TWINS" are infact family rooms so potentially sleep 3?? i.e Double and a couch type thing.

Won't bore you with the why's behind not being able to get in touch before this!! Just got in from the G though, finished 32/85 or so, obv turned into shove or fold fest.An on the ball wench missed me shoving on a shorty, who had shoved 4k blind UTG @ 800/1600, I reshoved 13k with 55 looking to isolate confident I'm ahead. She's in SB says to the blind shorty, "well I'll give you chance to double up, I call" (She couldn't see me round the dealer to be fair said one guy) WTF!!!!?? She had K7o, then shit it when she realised she had just called off the majority of her stack and not the 4k she thought!! Was looking good 'til K hit turn lol. Played well and warming up nicely for the £300 Saturday £80k ;o)

Although if we do get on it Fri, the 8pm £50 one may be more realistic lol.

Ends

Post tourney analysis.

2009-07-22T04:39:00.000-07:00

It just wasn't my night.

Ends

HEAD ON!!!!!

2009-07-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

Right chaps and chapess's, I'm hitting the live felt tonight, hoping to duplicate Ants (RtR Nitmeister) impressive feat and spin approx £30 up to my £300 buy in for the DtD main event a week on Saturday!! Only £80k prize pool for that though not sure it's worth my while!! ;op

Any way Ant had an incredible first attempt at the DtD online €10 re-buy Satelite, with even forgetting the €10 add on for 3k chips and not having enough to buy it in his account, he managed to duck and dive Del Boy styly to a top ten finish and a seat at the big one. If you aren't already aware we're having a jolly down to Notts for a Raise the River get together, me being a noob am looking forward to realising in my minds eye just how ugly they all probably are and work out the best way to distance myself from them if I find myself chatting up the fairer sex on the Friday night on the town!? . . . The Saturday it's HANGOVER POKES FTW!!!!

So HEAD ON DoV, "tonight the light of love is in your eyes . . . but will I miss you tomorrow?"
. . . . my mind keeps breaking into random songs today tis a weird thing. I think it's cos I'm looking forward to the casino, I'm playing the £30 double chance freezout, full buffet at the break, washed down with a cold pint. A few of us played this 2 weeks ago and were suprised at the numbers, expecting 40 odd there was nearer 80. I played well, just couldn't win my races and played one hand badly, which has got under my skin, but hey thats the past!! Guts and glory tonight babay . . . so will be home by 11pm no doubt lol. Still I'm treating this as a Satelite so if I do get a decent cash I'm classing that as my buyin COME ON ONE TIME . . . "Two time" see there I go again!!

Ends.

Erm . . . Why?

2009-07-20T04:55:00.003-07:00

I 'm confused with Blog Spot today!! I finished a post off. Yet it's dated for last Weds, yet the contents predominatley the weekend just gone? Why doesn't it post from the date you publish? Or give you an option!? HELP!!!

Also when trying to seperate paragraphs, it pissed me off, as couldn't seem to seperate them ARGGGHHHH, eventually did in HTML edit!!

Let me sing you a little song . . .

2009-07-15T02:28:00.000-07:00

"Now I'm a pokay blogger, A pokay blogger's what I am, When I'm not blogging pokay. . . I'm quite an uninteresting man! . . . . "

. . . . I feel a grammy's in the offing . . .

. . . I have realised the whole point to me blogging was to record whats going on in my poker life and my thoughts, goals and results. (and obv to waffle other crap!)

I do seem to have been avoiding discussing pokes, or to be honest I think it's a jinx thing, as I have been running quite well recently online, adversely pretty dire live (Getting it in good yadder yadder, making moves at the wrong time yadder yadder!) and I don't want the online bubble to burst.

Obv I had that big MTT score (Well for me) the other week, since then I have sliced off $200 for Full Tilt (As I won on Stars) I have withdrawn $1500 and left me with $550 roll, I have since ran that up to $1530 ($590 of which is from half stacking $1/$2 and $2/$4). I haven't played an MTT since my big win apart from my Syndicate games for Raise the River, where I finally cashed the $8 one, 72nd/2000 or so, for $20 odd (hey it's a start lol) and have instead, decided to set my self some bankroll and STT challenges.

The profit made from my half stacking experimentay's, I have kind of detached from my roll, although after putting some HH (Hand histories) up on RtR and giving a couple of people heart attacks. I feel I should heed the advise given from people that have maybe been there and certainly know better. To be honest I am not a gambler, never have been, not sure I ever will be, reading Would Be and Joppa's blogs remind me of the scary mess my bro got in in his early twenties and it put me off for life. I do the odd line on the lottery and stick an odd line on the footy coupons from time to time. Thats it though. So thanks to all that gave be a bollocking for playing over rolled. I enjoy those stakes for couple of reasons, firstly you get alot less donking going on. Secondly I feel due to peoples lack of knowledge of me I can hit and run. Although when I full stacked $2/$4 Friday night with my profit for the first time, the amount I played with finally affected my natural game! Which suprised me. I started calling pre to aggro players (Usually if I feel ahead of there percieved range I'll three bet for info) I continually check folded flops to position raises, it was weak passive poker at it's best and really knocked my confidence!! I somehow managed to come away $140 up after being up $260 I dropped $120 in stupid styly and after Burnley Mic reprimanded me desevedly I left the game. Still it has been an interesting experience and I look forward to tackling it again in the future, WHEN I'm more securely rolled.

As for my STT challenges, I'm approx 5 weeks into a 100 game $10 STT Stars self imposed challenge. Why did I think of this I hear you cry . . . are you sitting comfortably? Than I'll begin. I read along time ago now, an interview with Dario Minieri, ari, hairy? Whatever his surname is and was, as I always am with successful players, intrigued by how he got started, how did he manage his bankroll etc. Refreshingly he didn't jump in with "Well it started with this one big score and grew from there" which you hear so regularly, (And that we all aspire to recreating for ourselves) he described how he wasn't keen on cash at first and struggled, he grinded STT's starting at baby stakes and once he felt he'd conquered that level after a sample of 200-300 games he'd move up to the next.He went on to really discuss what he classed as a "big" shift when he stepped up to $20 STT's and realised he was crushing them with as much ease as lower stakes and after 200 stepped up to $50's, then $100's in quick succession. This was very inspiring, as he said this honed his game and he started to play MTT's using his STT experience he soon started crushing these to and the rest as they say is history . . .

So my challenge is pretty much what it says on the tin. I'm playing strictly $10 STT's on Stars, over 100 games and seeing the results at the end. This has been so good for my game, as I know there are more games to come I'm not focusing and tilting after one bad beat or bad play, I just record the result and move on. Essentially I'm treating each game as a small part of a bigger jigsaw. I record my mood how I feel I'm playing have I been lucky. My playing conditions etc. I've just come out of my biggest downswing of 7 games without cashing with a 2nd place in my 86th game before I went to bed last night. 5 of the 7 were to bad beats, what can I do? Yet I'm not fazed I two 5 game downswings prior to this, this feeling of it's just part of the game is good for my game. I'm currenty $276 up over 86 games, I don't think thats to bad in anyones book. Yet I feel I have missed some real opportunity's playing these and feel I should be +$400 easily if i wasn't for one or two bad sessions, where I perhaps shouldn't have played. This is the great thing about the whole concept I'm really analysing my play and have had some great advice. I'll post results when it's complete and am formulating a new idea for 100 game challenges. I.e. cash, MTT so alls good and it's really keeping the game fresh and me focused.

RtR (Raise the River) is one week away from completing it's first league (of many I hope). I'm out of the running but am thoughrly enjoying playing for the banter and experience. The top two go to Paris to play a tourney at the Aviation Club, 20% of any winnings there are divided between the other leaue players which is cool. I have been unlucky I feel a little certainly the first two weeks. When I was called down, I felt light, although I applaud the call as it was based on my previous play in other games he's railed, so he felt good with A6o for the majority of his stack. The 2nd week the same player shoved UTG when the blinds were rising I held 1010 in the cutoff and felt I was good against his range this time and called after a bit of deliberating. He held A10 . . . Happy days until an Ace "binked" on the river lol. GG ME!!! Last night I really threw a golden opportunity to finish deep and crashed out 5th I had a good early start doubling through following flopping the wheel, then when holding QQ called a 3 bet pre to see a 9 high flop all the money went in I as facing AA!! Of course me being ahead on chips, Stars did the decent thing and gave me my two outer on the river :o)

Unfortunately I tried to Hammer, the Hammer master with 72o, I raise he r-e-raises I flat, flop A high with 3 clubs I have 7 of clubs and shove hoping he doesn't have a club or ace thinking it will be hard for him to call. Insta call with big slick but no clubs so I'm not to far behind unfortunatley I brick and look a bit of a tit to boot!! (Hey I was trying to get Snake eyes back for the use of the hammer the week before to crack to bigger hands one of the AA, when he shoved a flop in much worse shape than I was to catch runner runner str) Run gut much!!! lol. Still it was fun. I then lost a race where I made an iffy call after I raised Amatay's big blind with J10o (He's in Egypt so it was dead money as he was blinding out) Cogs re-shoved and I had him well covered and was kind of getting good odds. He had 66 so was in better shape than I imagined, I bricked as per, no suck outs for me anymore. So after these chip dumping catastrophe's the writing was on the wall really and shortly after I called with K8o I think, Cogs button shove on my BB I wasn't far behind to his Arag but bricked again gg me. Cogs went onto win making it an interesting final week. Hope I can throw a spanner in the works for someone mwaugh ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . .

. . . Anyways didn't want to go to Frogland, I'm warming up for the August league which will send two RtRer's to the Dutch Masters (or something?) . . . . It's good fun and I encourage you all to take a look and join in.

Apart from that had an afternoon sesh yesterday and ran deep on my first MTT I have played on Full Tilt for months. The $14k GTD 690 runners came 37th for $55 and also a $2 four handed shootout on Stars, which was easy money, got to the last but one round and got donked out where someone (FUCK KNOWS HOW HE GOT THAT FAR PLAYING LIKE THIS) couldn't lay down Q9o when I hold KK re-raise all in at 25/50 following his raise of 150, to see him hit two pair on the flop so cashed for $16 $400ish FTW!!

I have Nottingham RtR meet in a couple of weeks (If a hotels agreed!!) and the ball n chains basically said I could go if I sacrifice the weekend just gone to spend with her, mate free, contolling women eh so not much else to report!!!!!!!

Ends

HSBC officially retarded!!

2009-07-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

I'm plowing through the most boring post I've ever written "Poland . . . Part 1" when it finally does see the light of day just ignore it,"Part 2"will at least have, for those that thrive on others misfortune entertained, but seriously it will ultimately bore you also. It's a diary post for me to look back on in months and years to come, with a grimace and a wry smile!!

Apart from that slog, I've just nipped to my local Nat West branch near the office. No probs then had to pop to the birds HSBC next door, to drop some money in her account. I only had her info on a text from her, i.e. account number, sort code. So I get in the pokey reception area (It's one of the suburbey type branches not your town centre types) stood behind ten deep queue with only two serving, two tills!! The guy in front foooking stinks, I'm stood in my suit starting to get a sweat on wondering whether the gaff turns into a Swedish sauna after hours, as I stand there breathing through my mouth, I check the queue for any tasty specimen, to which sadly there are non. Even the counter "girls" are past retirement age and aren't worth checking out!! If I was Joppa maybe infact, no maybe's about it (Sick barsteward!). I imagined what I'd look like nailing the slimmer of the two from behind whilst filming it on my mobile looking in a full length mirror, my cock started to retract as if I'd jumped in icy water . . . . (Each to their own I guess)

Anyway following my inverted soft on . . . I stood with increasing dismay as each and everyone in there seemed to know the ladies really well and had to do a hundred and one transactions, the queue was building up behind me and I started to feel really closed in. Now I'm not a claustarphobic person but this was redic, 30 mins later I get to the front and say I'm here to pay some money in. You will have to fill this slip in first I'm told. Right I start to fill in the 3 whole lines of numbers and a name, no probs. "Sorry Sir, you will have to fill it in to one side then rejoin the queue." I looked at her in disbelief, "I'm sorry? It will only take me two seconds to fill this in!" She looked at me like I was stupid "But your holding the queue up sir!!" I turned round to the line behind me and said "I'm sorry it seems it is me that is holding us up, not the people before that have spent ten minutes each catching up on the goss and asking a million pointless questions!" The guy behind laughed and said "no problem." I turned back round and tried to finish the form off, "I'm sorry sir please could you step to one side then rejoin the queue!" I ignored her and finished the slip and dropped it in the slot with the cash to pay in. "There simple!" . . . "She turned to the woman next to her, "Karen could you get Nigel please?" she kept looking at the other woman as she said this and didn't look at me! After making the call, "Karen" kept dealing with clients and I was stood, feeling stupid, being ignored by melted welly face. I was starting to get really mad, waiting for Nigel, who when he arrived was spotty, little pleb, with Assistant Bank Manager proudly displayed on his shirt, barely containing his ample MOOB's . . . She then went onto give a pathetic version of events, I had been rude and had held the other people up, unfortunatley the people that had originally queued with me had been dealt with had left!! I was gobsmacked "How have I held the queue up?" I replied "If you had been sensible enough to see, I have been waiting half an hour already and didn't want to have to go back and wait another 20 minutes, by letting me spend two seconds filling a the form in, I would be long gone by now!! Then holding the whole bank up whilst we wait for someone senior to complain to!! This is ridiculous!! Can I have a receipt and I'll be on my way!?"

MOOBMAN then steps to the fore (Behind his protective glass!) "Sir please don't use this tone with "my" staff! If you had followed the instructions given to you as is the banks policy, this would have been all unecessary." WTF is this guy equally dumb . . . What happened to the customers always right. I actually laughed, explained I wasn't being rude, but I did expect common sense and basic customer service to be followed in such an established company!! He had gone bright red in embarressment and told her to give me reciept if all was ok. She was so reluctant and actually slammed it down for me to collect. "Thanks for wasting a further twenty minutes of my life and yours, although at your age I guess it's more precious. Yet alot less valuable!" and I walked out.

I'm still really tilted by it!! FUCKING idiot's, like Doctors receptionists, who try to diagnose you before you can get an appointment JUST FUCK OFF, you aren't a doctor, you have no right to ask me "Whats wrong, what are my symptoms!!" . . . . Not only that HSBC are just robbing bastards as it is, my missus had a letter through asking for £25 to keep her overdraft in place!! I've never heard anything so redic in my life!! I told her to move branches. We have a bills account in her name with them to, that will be moving very soon!!!

On another note . . . a fellow blogger is going sick deep in the WSOP Main Event . . .

http://exsnowman.blogspot.com/ . . . Chuck's, A year in a life . . . . Blog, is good reading at the best of times, but Foooook me he's pwning Ivey at the MAIN EVENT FFS!!! Run good one time GOGOGOGOGOGOGO

Ends

Lovely Jubblies!!!

2009-07-07T07:38:00.001-07:00

You could have some fun with those puppies couldn't you!! It makes me want to visit my blog more ha ha . . .

Joppa/Amatay/Would-Be, a bit to tame for you pervs to be fair! But for the rest of you less degenerate souls please feel free to ogle my tits, no touching please . . .

oh and please wipe up any discharge that may result!! (If it hurts as this occurs or looks far to yellowy or contains blood please contact your local G.U.M Clinic)

Ends

Finished with Poker!!

2009-07-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

Thats it for me, it's over . . . have I busted my roll? Sick of the beats? Realise I'll just never make it? NOPE!!!

I have a SHARK next to my name on Shark Scope, for my Poker Stars account!! What more is there to achieve!? Fuck bracelets, million dollar prize pools, T.V fame!! It doesn't get much better than this!!! (The shark just looks so much cooler than the bright star thingy you can get if you're like a pro!!) . . .

. . . This is of course due to my totally consistant play and huge sample of games, ahem well about 110 games or so (hey I'm new to Stars) and has nothing to do with coming 1st of 2916 people for in a $10k Gtd for $2200!!! (See link in last entry for a blow by blow account!)

Anyway, my arms aching from slapping myself on the back.

RAISE THE RIVER!!! As I intimated in a previous entry, this tidy, friendly forum has managed to grab my undivided attention, after floating around various forums like a blind hobbo, I feel like I've found a home, (Well until they realise I'm a total fish, with penchant for sexual inuendo, really poor humour and ask me politely to leave!) as has happened in a certain other non poker forum!! So fucking what if kids go on that forum!! These days kids know more than most adults about such things as rimming, reverse cowgirl, running trains over birds!! As if It'll offend them!!

So RtR, has really helped focus my game. I'm pretty sure if it wasn't for Burnley Mick's railage and my posting hands and discussing various bits, I wouldn't have won the $10k Gtd tourney (Did I mention I have a thread on RtR detailing various hands leading to victory?! No oh!!)

http://www.raisetheriver.com/discuss/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=8242

Just in case you missed it.

On top of this we are approx halfway through the Syndicate games, I have joined the $5.50 8pm Stars and the $8.80 9pm Stars syndicates. I unfortunatley have not come close in these as yet. I think long term they will be profitable for all involved though and for the most part fun and involving. A couple of the lads have cashed.

Another exciting development starts Sunday, Championed by Amatay and Burnley Mik, is a four week league, where the top two at the end, win a package to the Avation Club Paris to play an event there, (If your a member or not spots are still avavilable!) 20% of any winnings in Paris by the two "Champions" will be divided between the other league players that participated in all four weeks. So it's still keeps a big interest for those that fall short of the top two spots. For me it's an opportunity to play with some top players at an affordable price. I know the crux of Poker is to find "weak" spot and games, but for me you also need to play with better to get better. So I am looking forward to donking about in this league and watching some better players "at it." I'm weak passive so they will know doubt be exploiting me left right n centre. GL me. ;o)

Right working at the mo fish . . . will get round to doing a June catch up post, apart from RtR, I have set myself some personal poker challenges to, which have started well. (Bet you're on the edge of your seats in anticipation!!)

Quick chuckle moment . . .

Mick said to Paddy, "Close your feckin curtain's next time you shagging you wife!"

"Why?" asks Paddy

"Because yesterday you were shagging her and the whole feckin street was out watching your hairy ass bobbing up n down laughin at cha!!"

"Well" smirked Paddy "The feckin jokes on them stupid cunts, I wasn't even home yesterday!"

Ends.

The missing "Link"

2009-07-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't blogged for a month, basically when I 've had chance to get on in an evening I've been playing pokerty pokes. At work in the day I have been scouring various poker Degen sites and keeping tabs on the WSOP. . . . as well as working of course.

What a fucking month though . . . I have been mad busy for the last four weeks.

Are you sitting comfortably? . . . Then I'll begin.

Infact I'll begin next time, read this thread on Raise the River forum . . . .

http://www.raisetheriver.com/discuss/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=8242

. . . I'll explain the Karma situation on my next post, because with what I had to endure in Poland on my mates Stag do, I was due to run really good but in the mean time enjoy the Link :o)

Ends.

I'm on fire . . . PEOW PEOW . . .

2009-05-31T15:29:00.000-07:00

Had a great afternoon as you fish were baking in the sun me and my mate D went to the G Casino for the 2pm live tourney this is my fifth of the year, so much for me getting live volume in, in '09!!!

Although it's 3 top 2 spot's in 5 tourneys, now thats consistency boys, girls and donks!! Very nice score for me smallish field, £18.50 buy in one £15 re-buy, one £15 add on at first break, was 9k up in chips by first break and just took the add on for an outlay of £33.50.

After refusing several people trying to make deals with 6 left my best offer being £185 split, I kept refusing and eventually took the main protaganist for these deals out in 3rd to leave me 1 - 3 behind in chips to a crazy polish guy, 3rd hand in heads up I shove with 33 he calls with Q4!!! of course flop 4 turn 4!! So 2nd spot after I played a solid game all afty for a nice £270. Happy days.

Got treated to a day at Chester zoo last Friday for my birthday, had a great day with the missus, even though I had a raging hangover!! It was hot and full of scantilly clad girls . . . oh the animals were o.k. to ;o) . . . . Although totally burnt my arms and me heeeed, as did not expect the weather to be that good!! OUCH . . . hopefully it'll tan golden brown and not peel to much!!

Oh watched a couple of Mandarins fucking which was slightly weird when there we're so many kids there asking mommy and daddy what they we're doing!!! lol . . . the best answer being "Playing bumper cars like you do at school honey, now come on let's go to the sealion pool!!!" WTF . . . I used to play bumper cars at school and it sure didn't involve that type of rear end contact over and over . . .

Oh and the title of this entry is what we used to say to v.fit girls as an oh so good chat up line we'd say "Your on fire . . . Peow peow!!" as we fire out finger guns at them!!! It did actually work to ha!!

Ends.

El Banko Wanko Rollo!

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £963.48 (+ £963.48) (even)

Online (Various Aquariums) = + £218.78 (£218.78) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £744.70 (744.70) (even)

On-line playable total = £153.28

Breakdown.
Will Hills – Ipoker = £107.68 (£72.68 Profit: Deposited £55 2009, Withdrawn £30 2009)

Ladbrokes = £7.60 (Down £72.40: Deposited £80 2009)

Poker Stars = $57.73 (Down £75: Deposited £120 2009)

Full Tilt = $13.50 (Not Deposited 2009)

Crypto = £0 (£280 profit: Deposited £370 2009, Withdrawn £650 2009)

Rattle Forum Poker League: Season 4, Week 4/10, I’M TOP :o) 1st (me) = 27 points. 2nd = 27 points, 3rd = 14points. (each week, point’s top 6, pays top 3)

W1 1/18 $90, W2 11/17 $0, W3 2/19 $59, W4 1/21 $105 W5 13/18 $0, W6

HOME GAME = £46.70 profit (11 buyin’s/11Games 2009, £10 = 1 buy in)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £658 profit (2009)

Significant results
- 26/02/2009, 1st place of 24, £10 + 2x £2.50 Heads. ( cost me £15, 9 heads
= £22.50 heads) = £135
- 22/02/2009, 2nd place of 50, £15 1 x rebuy 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total)
= prize £350
- 31/05/2009, 2nd place of 37, £15 1 x rebuy, 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total)
= prize £270

5 Tournaments entered 2009.

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE - = £40 profit (2009)

Cash games - £35 (2 buyin’s of £5)

Summer league – game 2/13 – 4th – 90 points = £17W1 – 2nd/22 (80), W2 - 13th/13(10), W3 – N/A

If I was Vampire . . .

2009-05-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

. . . I'd be dead!!!! For I was staked . . .

. . . It was a dark windswept Sunday evening, I traversed the slippery uncertain climbs of the various various poker sites I donate to regularly, unaware of the direction for which I would take this god forsaken eve, as the lightening flashed in ominous blinding regularity, hark a message arrives on the Raise the River forum, with the backing of Burnley Mic, I am excepted to join an elite, carefully picked crew, assembled and financed by the cash game multi tabling guru, high volume player known as CLARKATROID!! (Well it was first come first staked, but my version sounds better!) I was a virgin up to this point and had never had my accounts penetrated by another . . . The_Clarkatroid deflowered me, his seed landing in my barren womb that is, my Full Tilt account, in the hope of finding purchase and driving roots and growing into a splendid tree with american dollars as deep green leaves!! . . .

As a frankly amazing gesture, Mr Troid was willing to stake four or five regular RtR forum members, for the 7pm $24+$2 Full Tilt MTT, as a hello to the forum I guess, cos to be fair the donkament we we're in was a bit of a lottery. With I believe the standard, 50/50 split + stake back. Due to me being relatively new to the forum, Burnley Mic (AKA Donkey Thrasher) gave me a reference which was very good of him. So Mr Troid took a punt, unfortunatley none of us cashed, although I doubt he was expecting much of a return, it would have been nice to have repayed his faith. He himself played it and missed out on the money by a hairs bredth . . . It was a good experience and interesting watching the RtR fish play as I got donked out.

Anyway will be back with a week round up soon, I'm at work and threw her out me car at 9am to do some shopping in Preston, so just going to pick her up on the way home, grab a bite, then head to the pubic house for the Blues v's the Blues erm . . . come on you Blues, really at a loss as to who to support hate Chelski and can't be doing with Everton small other club from Liverpool taking down a trophy when we haven't this season!!! ARRRRGH!!!

Ends

Nice suprise, No Real suprise and INTRIGUING DEVELOPMENTS!!!

2009-05-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

You know when you get an old pair of jeans out that you haven't worn for awhile and find £10 in the pocket, it's a great feeling isn't it!! Well I've just been tidying up my bank roll figures as I usually rush them at work and make odd little mistakes. So I've checked all my online accounts just to verify I really do have fuck all in most, I had somehow thought I had £69 in Will Hills, to see I actually had £107!! (69 is a very very very nice number, but in this case 107 is that bit better!!) So running good for once.

I'm just whiling away my afternoon watching films and playing a little pokes, I put £30 into Stars last night to warm up for a syndicate I hope to be joining (Read these exciting developments below.)

Basically this afternoon I'm realising why I haven't deposited on Poker Stars for so long!! God the level of play is terrible I have just been bummed off a $10 STT in 7th when with 99 on the button I raise pre got a couple of callers checks to me on a 2,5,10 rambo flop bet just under pot, happy to take it. BB calls turn 9 two diamonds now out. Happy days he min bets?! lol I just shove over for another 1k he has me covered, just and snap calls with 64off for a gut shot!! Guess what amazingly hit's the river, yep 3!!!!!!! He types "lol knew it was coming." Course you did Mystic Smeg , course you did . . . PRICK!! I actually just laughed to myself and wonder why I don't plough more money into this site, you never need to bluff, cos your never believed, 3rd pairs or A high is good to most people and there really is, just plain, disgraceful, play just waiting to be exploited. It's just having an iron gut that's the problem, cos it takes some stomach to deal with the beats!!

It just compounded my decision to log off for the afternoon, as 5 mins before on a $5 27seat STT 4th hand in I get QQ UTG + 1 10/20 blinds, raise to 50, person to my right min re-raises to 100 and thats called by all but 2 of the remaining table!! I just shove when it comes back round to me, to be fair expecting a call or two. The initial re-raiser snap calls with KK as does one other with 99. Rivers a 9 obv, to give the weakest hand a 5k pot and I'm out in 27th/27!! As I'm shutting the screen down a comment pops up!! "Knew I should have called I had A9 I would have been chip leader!!!" WTF so to be fair the poor KK is not four outed (Counting my Q's) But 3 outed and someone thinks 2 pair beats a set!!! Stars is like the online Twilight Zone, just full of freaks and retards ready to entertain and frustrate beyond belief.

The thing is I ran reasonably deep in $8 2000 peep MTT last night and went out in 100th or so to a very similar hand, my KK v AA and JJ guess what popped out on the river a J. I supose it seems to happen alot because you remember when the bad beats occur and just shrug off when u win, when your money goes in ahead because "hey your ahead of course you should win!" IT STILL F$%&IN hurts though. 4 hours of play for $14 profit!? Well actually $3 cos I bubbled a $10 STT during the tourney, again because I couldn't win 3 races in 5 hands, when I was clear chip leader!! Sigh.

Enough of my whinging. There are a few things occuring (that word is just so Gavin and Stacey!!) that are exciting me rather alot. No I'm not getting blown by each of Girls Aloud in turn (Although if this Carlsberg moment did occur . . .The Ginge would go first as I looked at the others stripping each other in prep for me, I wouldn't last long, hence not having to spend to much time with the miserable bint!! Cheryl would go 2nd to last then dance naked as I appreciate her fine form before shooting my 5th load of baby gravy down Kimberleys throat!!) Anyway I digress . . . . . .

It's the Raise the River poker forum that has got me so re-energised for poker. They have some very interesting plans a foot Dr Watson and it's elementary for all poker lovers to have a mosey on in and see what they have 'a cooking. Leagues where the winners are given packages to big Live European events, plans for a monthly tourney with the overall winner over the year flying RtR's flag in Vegas (Someone had a dream about going there!) whilst other members of said league have a percentage of the champion in the event/events the winnings buy him/her/it into!! . . . As a cetain miniscule odd little Irishman once said!! "Theres more!!" a live meets planned at Dusk til Dawn in the very near future for a couple of nights of fishing and sharking in Nottingham. There is potentially (HOPEFULLY) a weekly league being set up, to suit all pockets. On top of that a certain Donkey Thrasher has come up with an idea for a Syndicate, to again suit all bankrolls and create a nice team spirit and sharing of wealth, as everyone involved in each syndicate, invests as much as his fellow syndi member and every 12 weeks all winnings are distributed evenly amongst the relevant peoples. Apart from the fun of keeping tabs on how people are doing the chance to see some excellent players play and discuss strategy and in there own interests, advise fellow syndicate members on elements of play, is very worthwhile.

Obviously I'm a poker legend in my own mind and as such don't need help but for all you other fish it's a great idea. So take a look and get behind something potentially special and profitable, I certainly am.

http://www.raisetheriver.com/

Anyways I'm going to draw a nice hot bath for myself and prepare for a nice coupley meal tonight for my birthday (Can't believe I'm 21 next week, how time flys!!) ;op Twenty of us are booked to a very classy Chinese in Lytham, then we're out for a gallavant to the usual local haunts via an actual 21st of a girl we know, so should be a good one.

Although keeping myself relatively fresh, for a big online felt sesh tomorrow Afternoon/Eve/Night/Early morning.

Ends.

El Wanko Banko Rollo!

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £713.48 (+ £713.48) (even)

Online (Various Aquariums) = + £205.28 (£161.60) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £508.20 (516.30) (even)

On-line playable total = £153.28

Breakdown.
Will Hills – Ipoker = £107.68 (£72.68 Profit: Deposited £55 2009, Withdrawn £30 2009)

Ladbrokes = £7.60 (Down £72.40: Deposited £80 2009)

Poker Stars = $57.73 (Down £75: Deposited £120 2009)

Full Tilt = $0 (Not Deposited 2009)

Crypto = £0 (£280 profit: Deposited £370 2009, Withdrawn £650 2009)

Rattle Forum Poker League: Season 4, Week 4/10, I’M TOP :o)1st (me) = 27 points. 2nd = 20points, 3rd = 15points. (each week, point’s top 6, pays top 3)
W1 1/18 $90, W2 11/17 $0, W3 2/19 $59, W4 1/21 $105

HOME GAME = £46.70 profit (11 buyin’s/11Games 2009, £10 = 1 buy in)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £421.50 profit (2009)
Significant results
- 26/02/2009, 1st place of 24, £10 + 2x £2.50 Heads. ( cost me £15, 9 heads = £22.50 heads) = £135
- 22/02/2009, 2nd place of 50, £15 1 x rebuy 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total) = prize £350

4 Tournaments entered 2009.

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE - = £40 profit (2009)

Cash games - £35 (2 buyin’s of £5)Summer league – game 2/13 – 4th – 90 points = £17
W1 – 2nd/22 (80), W2 - 13th/13(10), W3 -

Blogaments?

2009-05-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't noticed anyone mentioning the Blogaments that used to be discussed quite regularly? Do they still occur on Full Tilt and Stars? If so when and whats the criteria for entry?

Haven't played for a couple of days, got rather trashed Weds!! Not good on a school night!!! Watched and fell asleep through Angels and Demons at the flix yesterday, although it seemed to be a good film? Having read the book I still don't see Tom Hanks as the main character, although a great actor, he just doesn't fit the bill IMO.

So thats my fourth visit to the flix in the last week, following watching the rather poor Ghosts of Girlfriends Past last Friday!! I'M A FILM BUFF BABY. Just call me Woss, Jonathan Woss.

So missed the Thurs homegame AGAIN. I was sent a text this morning from one of the lads with how everyone got on, they have a couple of new players/fish turning up every week, apparently I'm not a first choicer any more following only attending one week in the past ten! Which I suppose is fair enough. I just seem to have alot going on at the moment and something has to give. Ho hum.

Ends

Huey, Cabbie and the Blues!!

2009-05-20T04:12:00.000-07:00

Saturday was one of the most random days/nights I’ve had in along time!! It started well enough, got out of bed after an energetic lie in with the girlfriend, full English as a prize for my efforts niiiiiiiiiiiiice start to a weekend.

Met the lads In the pub near mine for the footy and sadly watched scum win the title (You didn't win it we gave it you twato's), quick trip to Bargain Booze for a couple of crates and a few nibbles, then 8 of us went to mine for an afternoon home game, the wench was shopping for an outfit for her night out so chat was uncensored.

Bit of a mixed bunch, all regulars to me, but half have a private game on a Weds and the other half including me are from the orig home game on a Thurs we started way back when. Although I’ve been a bit hit n miss this year in attending said home game’s, a few of the lads play the Tues pub league to. Anyway it led to a strange atmosphere to be honest there was a bit of bitching over people not getting invited to each others respective regular home games, before one of the lads got in a full blown sulk!! He’s used to 5/6 handed cash games at home and didn’t like the pace of the 8 handed we were having and decided to start critising play (poor form IMO)!! Anyway it set the tone for the day, the Thurs lads were quiet, the younger and more agro Weds lads, were just bitching at everones play (Think they have been watching to much T.V. poker judging by the deteriorating play and aggro as the ale went down.) I wound up doubled through in the 2nd hand, the lad who did me this favour had just doubled through himself the 1st hand unusually loose start but I’ll run you through the hands. 1st one he flopped set of 10’s, to lad to my rights flopped A (Q kicker) all money in on turn. Next hand I pick up AKs UTG I raise it to 70p, 10p/20p blinds, gets called once then to SB the lad who’s just doubled through, he re-raises to £1.90, I actually consider a shove but it’s a bit early so flat him other lad folds. Flop J high he checks, I check, turn Q. (Now here I’m expecting him to bet with anything) He does £1.90 again, I ponder and give myself max outs 10 putting him on mid/small pair, to be fair he likes to “play” and could be just playing me rather than the cards. (Hopefully!!) so I call again, with the intention of re-assessing on the river with position, Bink 10c :o) lol happy days. He checks at this point and I’m thinking a £2.50/£3 bets as good as all in, he’s calling or he isn’t, plus all in looks a little desperate rather than a value bet, so I ponder, looking a bit bemused by his check, Oscar winning performance later, I just say “fuck it I’m all in!” he then tanks looking uncomfortable, but now I know he had a stronger hand than I imagined!! Anyway I always jokingly refer to him as “I know I’m beat but I call!” because he always says it and he’s usually right and low n behold “I have to call, you got AK??” as he throws over pocket rockets!!! UL him I guess although giving me a free card on the flop was a bit to tricky. He was steaming but still even. I was now chippie and didn’t really get going after that fluctuated between £5 up and £15 up, finished the session a touch the worse for wear and £7.50 up, I was one of three in profit, The other T finished with £46 and J £30 up after being £35 down at one point, after hitting some monsters and peoples awful play gifted him a nice tidy profit, the worst result was S, £35 down due to some awful/hopefullplay, including min re-raising a raise of mine then calling my 4 bet all in with K4 off when I held AK for £8!! Lol so pretty crazy (by our stakes), but as the host I felt responsible for the attitude of a couple of the younger lads and the fact a few of the older (being 29/32yr old) regs looked very uncomfortable, annoyed and actually bailed on the planned night out after, was testament to what was ultimately not a great day, so note to self don’t mix the crowds in future!! Anyway once we had got cashed in we headed local for a bit of a pub crawl,before cabbing it to the next town for a bit of clubbing. A few of her mates we’re there so on best behaviour although one of her mates was a bit to friendly! Never shit on your own doorstep is my motto, so went upstairs to the dance room and threw a few shapes lol . . . ended up getting Sambuka, So Co’d up with the lads!! Everything gets a bit blurred at this point.

Although after a few conversations since it went a bit like this. The local club shut early following a glassing! Me and J on route to the Kebab shop (we had lost the others) decided it would be a good ideato go up town (Blackpool) . . . only a minibus at the rank so off we went, talking shit with the cab driver on route, but as we pulled up in Talbot Sq Blackpool by the main bars, I was feeling queezy, head down and I tried to quietly huey in the cab cos I couldn’t hold it in!! lol it went everwhere J was trying to pay, I gave him £5, jumped out and ran off!!!! Not done this sort of thing since my teens, it was just a natural reaction!! As I’m just running past Walkabout J catches me up laughing his head off, we try to get in Walkabout, but it’s shutting WTF!!! We check the time it’s 4.15am!!! Where’s the night gone, we jog round to Sanuk where I know a few of the door staff and owner, we get let in just as the lights come on and kicking out begins, nice one!! We walk back round toward Walkabout and hear a shout and are subsequently jumped by six policemen, as the fat sweaty cabby comes waddling up pointing at me telling the police it was me that had hurled in his scabby rust heap of a mini bus, J started putting up a struggle, four of them had pinned him against a Takeaway window and were to be fair being a bit to aggro with him, this made them worse and they radio’d for a van!! At this point I realised we could be getting arrested, not good. The cabbie looked ready to rip my head off. I was being held by two of them and they demanded an on the spot fine for the cabbie!! FUUUUUUCK MY LIFE!!!! Even now I can’t rem how much I had to pay, but after they had let us go and we wandered to some other bars in a drunken hopeful attempt at some more booze we ended up getting a Kebab and a Bpool bomber home!! I had £80 heading to town and had to borrow £10 off the missus when I eventually go home to pay for the cab!!!!!! £90 well spent on 1 hour in town not one drink passing my lips and a soggy kebab and chips to keep me company on the 25min cab home!! Sad barsteward or what, still it could have been worse?! Not sure how but it could have been, I’m sure!!!

Woke up the next day with no memory of the night, apart from the bitch laughing at my stupidity and filling in the bits she knew. Apparently I had given her a running commentary of the events as they unfolded and was talking to her on the dog n bone, when I handed the on-the spot fine over!!! So just had cold kebab for breakfast (can’t beat last nights take away for breakfast) a duvet day and watched a load of films Sunday feeling sorry for myself.

On the online felt front:

Monday night Rattle league, I started in very unfortunate fashion, raising to 50 UTG + 1 with A7s only called by SB (last years league winner and only one of three I actually rate!) the flop A3A!! Hmmmm he leads out, I re-raise looking for info, he flats, he leads out again for about ¼ of the pot on the 9 turn, I just shut down, it’s starting to smell a bit kippery, although I’m not giving it up, so flat him again, river 10, he leads straight out for 250 leaving me 800 behind when I call and he shows a quite well disguised AQ. In retrospect I feel I did as much as I could to limit my losses and kept myself in the game, I went with my instincts and a few notes I have on the guy so not to unhappy. I’d prefer to lose half my stack to a cold deck when the blinds are 10/20 than when it’s bingo time toward the end. I can rebuild and still play, which I did to be fair played out of my skin to get myself back to 2150 by 30/60 and just sat and chipped up. We had a record equalling 21 entrants. Following the break we we’re down to the final ten I managed to become chip leader, by for once not getting sucked out on my set v’s flush draw. I had for the 5th time in 7 games ran QQ into AA on the bubble with 4 left!! Leaving me with paltry 2.5k in chips a similar stack to other shorty who happened to be last years champ!! He was to my left so twice it folded to me and I shoved on his BB, the first time when 5th place got eliminated and the SB was dead, so only his BB was there. I had AQ he waited till the clock folded him and started giving me loads of shit about me having the morals of a sewer rat etc. . . . I was a bit surprised in all my time playing pokes at Casino or online, to be given so much grief for taking the BB was new to me!! In his mind it’s morally correct to fold if the SB’s dead apparently!? (Anyone experienced this!???)I’m sorry I’m there to win not be nice!! Anywhooooo, 3rd time I do it with Q8 suit, he calls with A3 I’m up to 3kish he has 1.8k I hit an 8 on flop and Q on the turn for two pair and out he goes ranting about me being lucky, I don’t bother explaining I’m not miles behind in this situation and the blinds are to big to hang around waiting for premiums. Got heads up for the 3rd time in 4 weeks shortly after, following the 3rd place knocked out to a standard race. I was against 2nd in the league (I’m top at the mo ;o) he was ahead 2 – 1 in chips and I just destroyed him he was just to tight. I played like a slippery fish, I felt I knew where I was at all times and just owned him if I do say myself it did last awhile, but I never felt like I’d lose (I did act humble on the forum and put it down to a red hot run of cards but it just wasn’t). So $105 for my troubles and running 7 points clear at the top of the table (Which is a big gap) not to shabby. They are having a live game in a few weeks in Liverpool but I’m on a stag do in Poland which is a shame cos even for all the shit I got it’s all in good humour and we have a good laugh whilst playing.

Pub league last night I was 1st out, thanks to a better flush crippling me early on and 1010 losing in a race with AJ, so home for 9.30pm, nuff said about that!!

Quick JOKE that made me chuckle . . .

. . . A family of prostitutes are having a meal one evening. The daughter pipes up “I got £50 for giving a blow job last night!” Mum replies “It were £5 in my day!” . . . “Bloody Hell!” exclaims Gran “Durin’ the war we was just glad of the warm drink!!”

Ends

BANK ROLL!

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £669.80(+ £677.90) (even)

Online (Various Aquariums) = + £161.60(£161.60) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £508.20 (516.30) (even)

ONLINE Breakdown =

Will Hills = I-poker = £69 (£44 Profit: Deposited £55 2009, Withdrawn £30 2009)

Rattle Forum Poker League: Season 4 Week 4/10, I’M TOP :o)
1st (me) = 27 points. 2nd = 20points, 3rd = 15points. (each week, point’s top 6, pays top 3)
W1 1/18 $90, W2 11/17 $0, W3 2/19 $59, W4 1/21 $105

Ladbrokes = £7.60 (Down £72.40: Deposited £80 2009)
Poker Stars = $0 (Down £90: Deposited £90 2009)
Full Tilt = $0 (Not Deposited 2009)
Crypto = £0 (£280 profit: Deposited £370 2009, Withdrawn £650 2009)

HOME GAME = £46.70 profit (11 buyin’s/11Games 2009, £10 = 1 buy in)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £421.50 profit (2009)

Significant results:-
- 26/02/2009, 1st place of 24, £10 + 2x £2.50 Heads. (cost me £15, 11 heads = £22.50 heads) = £135
- 22/02/2009, 2nd place of 50, £15 1 x rebuy 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total) = prize £350

4 Tournaments entered 2009.

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE - = £40 profit (2009)

Cash games - £35 (2 buyin’s of £5)

Summer league – game 2/13 – 4th – 90 points = £17
W1 – 2nd/22 (80), W2 - 13th/13(10)

Ginger rug muncha . . . and proud (But keep it between us ok?)

2009-05-15T06:38:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I am thinking of this just inspired I guess (thanks Simone "Amatay" Jones) . . .

I first had my taste of the Muc-key fillet of fish burger, when I was a tender thirteen year old. Reebok Blacktop pump basketball trainers were all the rage and KLF would rock you given the chance, in a place called MOO MOO?! Sounds uncomfortable, but hey they offered transport home thats if you didn't miss the Last Train to Trancentral

Anyway she was a ginge and I'm not afraid to say it (although not one of mates to this day knows ha ha). . . She used to live a 20 min bus ride away and was in my form at school and lots of my classes. She was best mates with my first girlfriend I went out with when I moved up to the Blackpool area when I was twelve. (Originally a Doncaster boy, via Saudi Arabia, via York) Anyway she was always a geek at school bit pale (Gingers are aren't they) but she was really nice and I got to know her as a shoulder to cry on when my bird and I split up (she fucked off with a lad two years above the whore!!)

Anyway a few months later I was walking to the shop near me old house and I bumped into her one Saturday at a bus stop. Apparently her gran lived near by, anyways we got chatting she missed her bus, then another, before heading home and leaving me feeling like, why had I never noticed this girl before. I wouldn't ever have considered her for a girlfriend far to geeky and uncool, plus I would have been destroyed by my peers!! Even though I was in every top set meself(So I had geek potential) I was to be fair popular and mates with all the decent lads and the various bad boy cliques and went out with alot of the hottest girls in our year and year below during my school years. So I would never cramp my style with a ginger pasty geek. (Shallow I know) BUT FUCK THAT, HIGH SCHOOLS A WARZONE GUYS n GALS!! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!! She started to visit her gran more regularly and started popping round to see me, watch videos, pinch from me old dears drink cabinet, she new the score and never told a soul of our secret friendship, we just acted normal at school, as this went on we started playing dares one day (I instigated it of course lol) snoggin commenced and soon moved to fingering and her just rubbing my proud thirteen year old cock!! She eventually learnt to wank and then after we managed to get a porno she sucked me off for the first time!! AMAZING I couldn't get enough of this revalation that was fellatio. . . she eventually started to ask me to go down on her she wanted to see how it felt!! No way I thought, as most teenage girls that I certainly came across (pardon the pun ;o) she had a wiry bush it had an . . .erm aroma, it just wasn't going to happen. Then for the first time in my young life I was given an ultimatum by a manipulative wench. "Right!" she exclaimed one day "You won't lick my fanny, I'm not touching your dick!!" . . . Whats a man to do I was over a barrel . . . and do you know what I didn't half mind it and she had her first orgasm with a boy. We never had sex though, it was never an issue at any stage, neither of us tried and I really don't know why!

This eventually just fizzled out I started spending weekends out with my mates, drinking and being a teen, she was still geeky and studious but all through the remaining school years we'd give each other a knowing smile and many years later(quite recently) we caught up in a bar one night, she is now blonde, amazingly hot, married and a lawyer in Manchester!! she ended up at our local club with some mates and we got chatting by the bar again later on and i couldn't resist bringing it up. She admitted she still hadn't told a soul to that day although it was still something she thought about and had fond memories of those carefree afternoons, all my mates that didn't know her we're falling over themselves for me to introduce them (snakes the lot of em lol)

Isn't it weird that alot of the hot/untouchable girls from school always look a bit rough or get fat with a few kids and the skinny/geeky ones u catch up with end up sometimes really hot. We had little snog that night round the back of the club and she stopped me taking it further and I haven't seen her since or heard about her . . . sigh.

Just a quick round up, haven't played pokes since the other eve as went to watch Star Trek last night, hence my previous post (Used to love spitting image lol) WHAT A FILM, even if u don't like or have never watched Star trek in your lives this is just a class must see film and after watching the rather poor Wolverine Weds it's really put my faith back in the Cinema experience!! GO SEE IT!!!!

Although that faith maybe stretched tonight, as the gasbag is feeling left out and is dragging me to see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past or something!! 3 nights of the flix god why do I run soooooo bad!!!!

Ends

Star Trekkin' across the universe . . .

2009-05-15T03:08:00.000-07:00

. . .

On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot cahnge the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, fuck Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

(All from memory of course!!) . . .

Ronaldo is GAY! FACT!!

2009-05-14T05:04:00.000-07:00

Having seen Joppa's latest gem of a post.

http://joppa-road.blogspot.com/

You tell me he isn't. You can see the cock envy in his eyes and the hunger to sample it "wait till the showers big boy" says his body language!! lol

Athough to be honest it made me consider Ronaldo and his oh so public relationships. Lets dissect certain elements presented to us by the media and get to the bottom (pardon the pun) of this possible gayness.

Point 1. He dresses like a homo. Could end the discussion just with this point, but no I'll be fair and impartial and give this a fair hearing!!! ;o)

Point 2. He winks at other men.

Point 3. He blatantly plucks his poncey eyebrows.

Point 4. He used to wear his socks pulled up over his knees like some teen school girl. (So tranny tendancies to)

Point 5. He plays football like I'd imagine Michael Flattley would (He dances for a living equally gay)

Point 6. He smashed up a real mans car, get him a Micra.

Point 7. His mums a munter of a monstrosity so this may have warped his impression of the fairer sex.

Point 8. He plays for the Gayest team in the league neigh Mr.Wilks the World!!

Point 9. He sulks like a girl.

Point 10. Kind of my main pondering on the subject as the previous 9 points are gimme's. He has public romances with some exceptionally hot up and coming female celebs/models. "WHAT" I HERE YOU CRY!! How is this a sign of a rampant cock jockey?
Lets take a closer look. Gemma Atkinson, one girl I happily admit I've cracked one off over! Fit as a very erm fit butchers canine (Although far from a dog) She had recently left Hollyoaks when they became an "item", she needs a bit of exposure, let the public know shes out there. What better way than and aggreement between her and his publisist to become a couple. Lots of her exposing herself in the papers not a huge amount of them ever seen together, her gushing of what a fab shag he is etc. The classic celeb attempt to avoid people finding the truth about about his gay tendancies. It raises both there profiles her as a pin up, him as "the lucky fuck" with the Hollyoaks bird, hey lads "he may be a Manc twat but he's a fucking shagger eh!! Good lad" see jobs a good un. BUT it's so transparent. The so called relationship fizzled out, very quietly no drama no damage, cos lets be honest Gemma has historically got a thing for black guys and when she was alledgely with Ronnie she was seen out alot with various other black footballers!! So it was a sham. Then comes the up coming model of last summer no one knows her, shes fit and rich and wants to be a famous model . . . Read the above change the name from Gemma to Rich spanish chick and same story occurs. It's a classic 60's Hollywood thing where top stars "dated" for the press so as not to damage box office appeal if the actors homosexuality ever got out.

So I think that is pretty damning evidence that he is gay (allegedly)

I'm sure there are alot of gay footballers and rugby players, but in the culture of these games if it became public the fans would destroy them hence the deceit.

Don't get me wrong I'm no homophobe have my token gay aquaintances and such.Believe in each to there own. I just don't like to see it first hand, I don't want to be eating my tea and watching two confused Holloaks pretty boys giving each other stubble rash!! Anyway if this offends anyone, it's just an opinion don't be so over sensitive. If it offends any Man Puke fans good!!

lol anyway from POKEHIM to . . .

. . . POKER - Argh foooked up in the £2k Gtd last night, classic serial button raiser has a hand when I shove my BB!! I shoved relatively light with A3 but felt good against his percieved range he had snowmen and no miracle for your hero.

Although I did play a $10 and $5 six seat double your money after bombing and cashed easily in both, to add to the $5 I had doubled in ealier. So still $13.50 profit on the night.

Off to watch Star Trek tonight lol, with two mates!! (If Ronaldo did this it would be point 11 to be fair!!) Two nights two cinema trips (May start my own checklist!!) I was never a big Trekkie as a kid but love J.J. Abraham's work and heard some good stuff so should be good, grabbing a Chcitto's first, good oppo to check out the hot "FEMALE" staff that work there. Then we're going for a bevy after in Preston. 10's to be precise my favorite lappy club ahhh nice relaxing evening!!

Ends.

Wolverine and Updated Bank Roll

2009-05-13T14:57:00.000-07:00

Watched Wolverine at the flix tonight!! Hmmmm not to sure, love the first two X men, Hugh Jackmans made to be Wolverine buuuuuuut not sure about this film!! Some great action sequences, but parts of it just didn't add up and were plain hammy. It was O.k. I guess, had a catch up with my mate, heard a couple of funny stories, had couple of beers, scoped a few babes.

My birds out having a meal for her mate birthday, so just fired Will Hills up for the $2000 GTD, just won my buy in back on a 6 seat Double your money, so see how I go. One thing that has slowed me down blogging is the lack of playing online. I only currently have a few quid on Will Hills. Still haven't built to much, hovering around not setting the world alight. I'm better than these stakes. Do I just step up invest more play higher or fuck about for ever grinding it up in the low stakes fish fest!! Jst dunno and I was at this point in my first ever post so hmmm. Just trying to find my love for the game again. Bad beats and just peoples plain bad play was really getting me down online, day after day week after week!! So need to find a happier place. May try a new site, Betfair or Party?? Blaaaaahhh like you give a shit lol.

I'm playing like a mupp in this tourney as I type!! Gone into wait for a monster mode and call my draws mode and miss!! TERRIBLE DoV TERRIBLE!!! 3rd of my stack gone!! . . . We'll see. Just watching Bedazzled on T.V. how fit's Liz Hurley btw.

Think I'm fed up cos the Mancs did there usual look shaky then the other team rolls over for old Alcky Fergie and let them bum a few late 2nd half goals!! So we have IMO given them the title this year by being unable to break shit teams down at home when they stick 11 men behind the ball . . . sigh.

Ends

BANK ROLL!

Total profit/loss 2009 = + £617.88 (+ £617.88) (even)

Online (Various Aquariums) = + £109.18 (£109.18) (-£70)

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £508.70 (508.70) (even)

Breakdown.

Will Hills – Ipoker = £28 (£3 Profit: Deposited £55 2009, Withdrawn £30 2009)

Ladbrokes = £0 (Down £80: Deposited £80 2009)

Poker Stars = $0 (Down £90: Deposited £90 2009)

Full Tilt = $0 (Not Deposited 2009)

DTD - Crypto = £0 (£250 profit: Deposited £345 2009, Withdrawn £595 2009)

Will Hills – Crypto = £0 (£26.18 profit: Deposited £25 2009, withdrawn £52 2009)

Home Game = £39.10 profit (10 buyin’s/10 Games 2009, £10 = 1 buy in)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £421.50 profit (2009)
Significant results
- 26/02/2009, 1st place of 24, £10 + 2x £2.50 Heads. ( cost me £15, 11 heads = £22.50 heads) = £135
- 22/02/2009, 2nd place of 50, £15 1 x rebuy 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total) = prize £350

4 Tournaments entered 2009.

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE - = £48 profit (2009)

Cash games - £25 profit (2 buyin’s of £5)

Summer league – game 1/13 – 2nd – 7 points = £17

I is back baby . . . erm is anybody there?

2009-05-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

Haven't spouted shyte on here in a few months, if anyone has read my last few posts I had took a break from the randomness of pub pokes. This seems to coincide with my break on the blog!! Have I got so little to talk about that when pub pokes is not on the calander I'm bereft of inspiration? The answer to that is no I'm just a lazy shit and haven't been bothered!! I hope to be a little more motivatay from now on. Anyway following missing out on the regionals in sick fashion at the end of the winter season, I skipped spring season apart from a warm up cameo a couple of weeks back in preperation for my glorious return, in which I got fished out the league game. Then played with a few of the other unlucky ones in a £5 9 man STT as the league game ran down. came 2nd in that to a girl who's mates with my bird (ohhh the shame!!) although she is rather good (although my A10 just wasn't ever going to beat her A9o in the final hand!!) she had a monster stack heads up to so no big gripe. So took £15 for my trouble and a £7 profit home. At last I have made it in the poker world lol.

Anyway the fact four of my birds hot blonde aquaintences have started playing regularly in my pub games has certainly added a new dimension to say the least some of the louder geeky players completely freeze when dealing with them in hands or if they (god forbid!) have to talk to them!! lol. Although I have to watch my p's n q's, but there all a good laugh and aren't like her best mates, so it's not cramping my style to much!! . . .

Anyway 1st week back last night, I won't bore you with some of the comical play, but I by total accident due to having a smallish stack in the main league game with 9 left, threw £5 over to the 7 peep STT table that was getting together being the pesimistic soul I am. Anyway a few double ups later on the league table and I'm running across the pub playing both games lol!! Thanks to me this is the first and last time this will happen, as it pissed a couple of peeps off although I did say if I wasn't in my seat when it was my turn just fold me or blind me out. Anyway 1st hand I play in the STT after one orbit I wander over Helmuthian style (i.e. late) to explain my burgeoning chip stack in the league game and my quandry over what to do. Following agreein to let me play both I look down at AA on the BB lol. NICE, facing a raise and a re-raise I do the decent thing and re-e-raise all in and get 2 callers A8s and AQo, no improvement chances for me buuuuut not to bad eh? Anyway following a flopped K and 10 on the turn I'm facing a slight 4 out scare which doesn't materialise (it would have on Ladbrokes!!) I treble through. So I wander back to the league match to brag of my luck. Long story short I destroy the STT for a healthy £20, before getting back to play 4 handed (paid 3) in the league game following a bit of a hot run of cards. Anyway very back and forth before bubble bursts and a quick exit by 2nd following an unlucky Ak v A3 match (a3 being the girl who beat me above in the STT 3 weeks before) A3 rivers the wheel and I'm heads up only 5-1 behind in chips and an M of 2.5 thanks to T.D. heftying the blinds to redic proportions to speed the game along!!! Anyway my glory of being the only person to win both the side game and League match in one evening didn't materilise, as my JJ wasn't good enough to beat her 75o!!The flop gave her trip 7's (played her heads up 3 times lost 3 times now this girls got a hex on me)!! Boooo . . . although first person ever to cash both on the same night so still got bragging rights ha ha. . . . so I'm back 1st game of summer season n 2nd in leader board and did get a really warm welcome at the pub which was nice after such a long break.

Very happy to see Raise the River forum are having a live get together, I'm hoping to get down to it for a weekend giving my money away at Dusk til Dawn. If you aren't a member take a look. Amatay got me into it and although I'm not a big poster as such I like to read the various threads and throw my own warped opinions in. Great for beginners and advanced players alike. Plus there is some funny shit on there and some great links, deals with poker sites and other such bumff. (Will I get a kick back of some sort for bumming this forum so hard?!) Seriously have a look. the live meet sounds like it will be a laugh judging by the past meets I have read about.

Right I'm offski's, gotta a date tonight!! With an old mate from work, who used to be my cinema "buddy" lol as I liked to call him. Not the type of lad who'd fit in with me mates but loves the flix and lappies as much as me and we used to go regularly 5 or 6 years back anyway he's back in the area and we're havin a catch up tonight and off to watch X-men origins Orange 2 4 1 cos I is tight!! He's always got great stories about his various mis-adventures so should be good.

Wanna develope the look of the blog to so any tips will greatly be appreciated.

Oh yeah with my £29 profit last night my Live profit has just reached £508 since beginning of the year so happy days. (includes Homo games, Pub and Casino)

Ends

First Casino trips of '09 Part 2

2009-02-27T09:09:00.000-08:00

Now the last drinks I can recall having at my bro's were something called BMW's, didn't ask just drank, it was a creamy affair and kinda Baileys with a kick. Well that kick re-announced itself in my head at 8am Sunday morn!! 4 hours sleep I'd had and I swear to god I haven't felt anything like it since I drank wife beater in my youth!!! Christ, a handful of Nurofen and back to bed, I resigned myself to being incapacitated for the day and not bothering about the Casino, was meeting for sum scram at 12.30pm with two of the lads before heading to the 2pm tourney which was an £18.50 buy in, one £15 rebuy, one $15 add on. After the Thursday before my will had gone anyway! My missus is shaking me 5 mins later, "Your mates on the phone!" WTF my phones on silent and the bitch knows never, EVER TO ANSWER THE MANS PHONE or touch it for that matter!! As these angry thoughts assaulted my slightly less pounding head she passes me her phone! Hmmm and whys she dressed so frickin early and how have my mates got her number! "Hello, who the fucks this at this time!!" I enquire ever so politley. "It's T mate and it's 12.40, where tf are ya? J's meeting us there cos he's at footy, so u have to drive us!!" . . . . shhhhiiiiiiittttt. . . 20 mins I shout slam phone down, dive out of bed, tackle a swingin, berate the wench for not waking me, followed by a grovelling apology for my tone and a bit of simpering for one of her ever so special cups o' tea. Straight in the shower realise I really badly need a shit, prefer to shit prior to shower usually! Quick rub a dub dub down chuck on my threads whilst gulping half a cup of scalding PG Tips. I was halfway to the pub to pick T up when my condition came back with vengance, Hammeringheadhurtslikeabitchusvomnausiousnusus I believe is it's latin name. Only one cure that I am aware," T get str in the car" I shout down my dog at him, we're going to the G without passing go. One pint of Fosters and another half on it's way down and I'm feeling better, I tell you modern medicine today ;o) felt much better by 2pm. J arrives just as we start, goes to pay only to be told that registration closed at 50 peeps, as they have full 5 tables and with it being a rebuy n add on they don't have alternates! What a shitter, we offer to sack the game off but he insists it was cool and he needed bed anyway as him and T had been in town till 5am anyway.

So the game gets underway, I order my first of many cups o tea with a coke chaser (THE DRINK) . . . I would like to say I played well, TAG etc but I was simply card dead, I made the odd play here and there hit or missed n got some chips nothing unusual. What was unusual was my table was full of regular clicky cunts and oh my god the standard of play was really bad. At one stage I limp in the cut off with J9 5 others in the pot J high rambo flop, I check thru to button who pops 400 in, blinds 100/200, 3 calls including yours truely, turn 9 niiiice although 2nd heart, BB bets 800 guy to my right calls, I reraise half my stack to 3.5k happy to take it down, button insta folds, BB thinks looks at me and calls, he's one of these super rich regulars who never ever stopped chatting shit to his "pals" and had a 50 odd year old annorexic missus who was seriously mutton dressed as 70's lamb, she kept tottering over begging drinks off him!! He must love that attention, cos if it was me I'd just say heres £20 now fuck off!! Anyway he calls my big raise I think he's got a big J or a totally outpriced flush draw or perhaps an out priced Q10 or 108, no way do I have him on anything else?! River comes a heart! Not a good card for me. He checks, my gut says he hasn't a flush the check was to quick but my head took over and I thought a value bet here could get me in bother so I check it back. He says "Put you on a draw!" as he turn J7 off!! I was a bit stunned at how bad the hand was and turned my J9 he then accused me of slow rolling, ha ha I said I'm sorry I just thought you would have had a stronger holding with my monster turn raise! He got up and stormed off for a fag not returning for 6 or 7 hands and just sat in silence for 30mins!! Weird, rude and unecessary!!

So basically got to add on period about 2.5k up from a starting stack of 5k, was running nicely above average, T was doing really well 18k or so. Anyway got settled in after the break for the freezout proper, although we were already down to 4 tables ,as you have to have chips to add on. if u bust after the initial rebuy pre add on your out. Got my add on and off we went, I didn't pick up any half decent hands and then lost 1.8k afew orbits later, once blinds were up to 300/600 I try a cut off steal but the button and SB call and Mr Rich temper tantrum shoved his 15.5k to take a nice pot uncontested!! Bit gutted as it was the only move I'd made with trash and I was gonna be struggling to keep my head above water. Our table broke I got moved to table one, Mr RTT was moved two to my right which was nice as had position on the ol' whinegy twat. I sat short stack on my table with 23 left. I literally decided it was shove or fold time well I had 11 BB's so made some biggish pre flop lay downs waiting for good spots rather than getting it in bad, gap concept was in full effect. I had gone 3 orbits wth just seeing a min raise flop when I was on BB. The dealer asked me if I knew how to play lol, I just told them I was a nit. To be honest I have never had such shyte cards so consistantly, which is ironic because when I look back at other live tourneys I have played when I do run good in sense of hole cards I sometimes seem to blow up alot quicker. So it was just pure defensive play, I shoved from SB twice to nick the blinds. Then hand after I do this UTG lady raises quite heftily, she's nearly been as tight as me (ALTHOUGH MINES ENFORCED) folds to Mr RTT who shoves then the guy to my left is well covered and announces call!! The lady I'm not joking thought for 3 or 4 mins!! Then called she had KK!! lol Mr RTT had KK!! Guy to my left has AA unreal never seen this online never mind live, (closest was AA v KK v QQ, Q's obv win online for a big stack.) I mean the K's must be sick, seeing there slim chance of a set sat opposite them in anothers hand!! Mr RTT just starts to go off on one how unlucky he is etc. By the turn the lady's four to a flush!! The AA is pooing himself but the riv bricks giving him the pot justifibly. Lady's out and Mr RTT is cut to 8 BB's one more than your hero. When Mr RTT is UTG he raises minimum now he did this on my first table just before it broke and he had KK , so I have KQo with 8 left at the table it was a good spot to shove but I just felt way behind and folded but was proper berating myself in my head but I just knew I was right, no you didn'y, ye s I fucking did, liar, prick!!! (Need my meds!!) He gets two callers including the BB, flop 10106, BB is quite deep stacked and bets half the pot Mr RTT looks so happy insta shoves other folds BB calls, Mr RTT throws over AA BB has 109 ha ha, the look was priceless, turn river blanks and out he goes gobbing off to his wife about shit players and bad luck etc so funny. Again the BB I have to let go to a shove and then pick K3s in the SB, folds to me, I shove my 5.5k, I'm expecting a call really from him with any two but, had expected calls the last two times. This time the odds are to good for him and he calls with 108o my K high stands up and I more than double through. I fold fold fold to UTG +2, UTG min raises I shove with 1010 He has twice my stack and I'm one of the shorter stacks again with 13 left pays 9, UTG calls with AQo my 10's hold and I'm over the moon from being so short to possible final table is quality. Anyway not a huge amount happens but the guy to my left who took the huge pot wth A's earlier just started to get spewy after my K high SB shove and eventually bubbled!!

FINAL TABLE BABY. . . . I was still a bit shocked to make it ,with how rubbish my cards had been before last two tables, my best hands had been K9 which gave me a few chips earlier in the tourney when i hit the K and 44 which I folded pre to a raise and re raise! It had been poo to say the least and then just hanging on the last two tables, I can't cite class, ingenius play for my final table achievment, just getting a few hands to stay alive and 1010 to put me above average chips. Now I had some chips I wasn't going to sit about, 9th paid £50 which was just under £20 profit for me which I was happy with anyway so fuck it was just going to go for it. Only 3 of the 9 hadn't played with me so far, so my tight, tight image was intact so to speak . . . (ERM I'M AT THE CASINO NOT A GAY BAR!!). T was railing happily behind me, he was more excited than me (SERIOUSLY WE WE'RE AT THE CASINO YOU SICK FUCKS) and the table was moved to deeper in the poker room as they set up the 8pm double chancer which I would now miss. (As I previously posted my plan was to play both)

Play got underway and it took two hands to lose a chavvy looking fella who shoved a pretty average stack over a short stacks raise only to be called by the guy to my left a huge pony tailed Greek he was at least 6'7" the Greek had Q's, shorty folded and Chavvy crashed with Q10o, his mates watching were howling at his mid position shove with that rubbish, after a raise and with 5 more to act lol. He said he was trying to isolate or some such shit. Two hands later another bites the dust and then I get KK in BB nice, at last a nhand, folds to SB who shoves I snap he's got 9's flop K high means hands over, turn K QUADS GET THE MF IN THERE!! Spent a couple of mins letting T take pics for Facebook it was a great feeling, I have him covered and go 3rd in chips oh happy days, the big loud greeks miles ahead chip wise. A few lads turn up from my pub pokes night they've come to play cash games and rail me for a bit which is actually quite good. Usually when I final table everones fucked off home cos it's late or whatever. T was a captive audience I guess though lol I was driving after all. It wasn't long til I pick up 88 UTG I raise it up gets to BB who shoves I call he has JJ, gutted, cards run out river 8!! LOOOOOL . . . felt sorry for the guy he was alright. So 4 handed Big Greek to my left and a huge bouncer looking mo fo opposite and between them a little 80 odd year old lady who knows everyone by there first name and they no her, she just sits patiently, as me and the greek took bouncer guy apart final hand I raise JQ he reraises from BB I call flop 36Q he shoves i call he had JJ ul him. We ask for a piss break and off me and the giant Greek go he's huge and looks and sounds like Kurgan from HIGHLANDER, what a film that was by the way, anyway he goes into a cubicle as I'm shaking the snake I hear some serious snorting coming from that cubicle, he comes out as I'm washing my hands starts mentioning needing another beer and asks if I fancy a line lol!! I was a bit shocked as he pulls a bag of charles charlie charles out. Thats why he's so loud and hyper!! We walk back in after I politley decline his offer (He must have been worried trying to drug me like that!) anyway 3 handed and I double the old dear up almost straight away when I button raise with 87s and she shoves with AQ spikes the Q after I call. She doesn't last long as Kurgen takes her out a couple of hands later, heads up and he offers me a deal I'm 7 -1 down but have some play in my stack, he offers me £375 n he would take £500, for an extra £25 I thought fuck it lets try n get lucky. 1 hand later his AK crushes my QJ! Should I have took the deal???? I'd always wonder what if, but £375 sounds like £400 doesn't it almost lol. Plus it'd be another tourney by in for my roll?! What you think?

So what a great start to my ban on the pub league and casino only pokes for the next 11 weeks, quality. Can't wait for DtD in April . . . . . I mean I met Kurgen from Highlander, sucked out a two outer in true online style when big stacked! Plus the QUAD KNGS BABAY!!! Go for a celebratory beer with T and head home with 7 £50 notes in my back burner nice.

Ends

Zeeee ROLL!

Total profit/loss 2009 = £454.16

Online (Various Aquariums) = + £117.66

Live (Casino/Pub/Home) = + £336.50

Breakdown.DTD - Crypto = £85.50 (£205.50 profit: Deposited £50 23/01/2009, Withdrawn £170 2009)

Will Hills – Crypto = £43.16 (£18.16 profit: Deposited £25 16/02/2009)

Will Hills – Ipoker = £25 (Deposited £25 16/02/2009)

Ladbrokes = £34 (Down £46: Deposited £80 24/02/2009)

Poker Stars = $0 (Down £60: Deposited £60 18/02/2009)Full Tilt = $0 (Not Deposited 2009)

Homo Game = £22.50 profit (3.5 buyin’s/4 Games 2009, £10 = 1 buy in)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £301.50 profit (2009)

Significant results
– 22/02/2009, 2nd place of 50, £15 1 x rebuy 1 x add-on (cost me £33.50 total) = prize £350

(Casino 2008) = £386 profit

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £12 profit (2009 WEEKS UNTIL I’LL PLAY 10) = £125 profit (2008)

First Casino trips of '09 part 1

2009-02-27T06:43:00.000-08:00

I have done sweet f.a. but play poker (Online) and make pancakes this week, I ended up making pancakes three evenings running after my bird decided they we're amazing!! Still it seems to have kept her off my back when in comes to the online felt.

Pokay loopy naaats aaare whey we're a pokay a loopy!! Quite a solid week at les usually misrablahblah tables!! Last Thurs was my first venture into the B + M setting of '09 and possibly my quickest in my pitifully short casino history!! I didn't even finish my first pint!! Unreal and I did run quite horribly, variance sucks massive donkey cocks!!!My 1st playable hand, UTG KK I raise x 4 50/100 loose ass table. Get the obligatory two callers, one being the BB who's already donked off half his chipolata's with some shocking play, flop JhKd2c, BB declares "I bet pot" hate people that say this in no lim games, I think it either means the can't fucking count or want to show off. Any way I'm almost blurting my man seed all over the table with that flop. He's got abot 2.5k behind so he ain't commited not that this would bother the donk. I raise to put him all in, other caller ponders and ponders and ponders, playing with his stack glancing up repeatably to get a read off me, then contiunuing to mutter about odds etc , before theatrically folding!!(LOL WHAT A TOOL!!Declaring after the hand had played out he had KJ and made a Hellmuth style lay down! YEAH MATE COURSE YOU DID, he was chip leader and had called people to get his stack down with 2nd pair with a flush and poss straight on. TIT) . . . anyway the BB insta calls with J8d!!! WTF IS THAT ABOUT, I'm already reaching for all those chips and his headhunter chip when a diamond hits the turn "PAIR THAT FUCKING BOARD" I mutter . . . River DIAMOND NO FUCKING WAY, TWAT!!! He makes a retarded comment about being committed on flop and by turn was ahead. Luckily an old timer told him to have some grace and also he was full of shit and way behind, if he hadn't spoke up I think I would have been barred from the gaff!! Was so pissed off!! 2 hands later AK on button I raise get flat call SB, AK3 rambo flop ,he checks I bet he shoves, I call he has AA in the hole, of course he does, at this point online I'm already uninstalling the motherfucking program. I get my 2nd chance chips in the cut off very next hand it folds to me with A2d, I jack it x3 SB + BB call flop A82 rambo, SB half pots BB calls, I shove bit tilty but think I'm ahead. They still have chips to play 6 on turn both check 6 on riv NOOOOOO I stand up knowing that 6 has counterfeited my hand, I wasn't wrong SB had a10 BB A2 off to!! SIIIICK . . . . so home by 9.30pm!! Unreal, the A2 maybe avoidable but the others just sick.

Anyway did nada friday just an nice cosy evening in, no pokes at all til Saturday when my bro hosted a beginners night, which following two of the fella dropping left six of us four of which are regular pretty solid players. The two who did come from my bro's work had no idea how to play, so we agreed for the first hour to show hands once we'd had a practice and explaining our thinking an such like to try and help them along, they are good friends of mine to and we had a laugh, a catch up and some hilarious pokes. The best being my bro bluffed off pocket Q's by one of the noobs with 32 off and no pair, who as all new players do think bluffings the aim of the game! He was £20 up at that point and came out with the usual "this shits easy etc" as I went through 18 bottles of Carlsberg export, I showed him the error of his ways, leaving him £15 down other noob £25 down, I just played well avoided the noobs unless having a strong holding and happily ran well to come out with £32, £27 profit, nice plus my bro thinks he's a bit of a Gorden Ramsay and knocked up an awesome chilli. Whinge bag was out with her hot work mates so picked me and the 2 noobs up in a taxi at 3am! I can't rem the journey home or any conversation lol think the fresh air knocked me for six. Apparently we had some good fucky fucky when we got in, "of course I remember darlin, it was great!" ;o). . . .

to be cont. . . .

Blogmuda triangle

2009-02-19T08:22:00.001-08:00

I'm still alive!! I have actually lost myself in other peoples Blogs for weeks now it's weird/sad but I find it interesting. Read a few from start to finish (At work as I delegate and organise from behind my comp) Amatay's blog tooooooook ages to get through but I have enjoyed it and enjoyed watching it's evolution over 3 years and his style of blogging changing.

I'll continue mine although doubt it'll break new ground or interest anyone but myself but I've never given a shit about others thoughts. I am at a calm place in my life at the mo the ball n chain had to take a pregnancy test last night, it was negative phew!!! Or was it phew . . . I was shocked to feel a touch of disappointment wtf!! This girl is the bane of my budding poker degen life, she sucks the fun out of all things social!! Yet I am a little sad about her not being pregnant!! Shes missed two periods and I half decided in my fucked up little mind that she was preggers and that was that . . . but being disappointed at her not being . . . I don't get it!!! I sat in last night in a contemplative mood using Amatays Free porn links for quite unfulfilled relief and she went to her mates for the eve with a few others, for a girly night, you know the ones (My boyfriends got a cock this big, well my fella's is this big as she moves her fingers 3 inches apart as they sip oh so classy 3 for £10 Rose' etc . . . and it all ends up with a group lesbo gangbang whilst they think/cum imagining me pumping n bumming them to screaming oblivion) I'm sure that's what they do anyway. I'm typing this one handed btw nnnnnmmmmpphhhhhhaaaaaaaa :o/

Hmmmm tangent and a half then, just cleaned the tadpoles off my monitor . . . anyway spent the night on both versions of Will Hills made £100 prof through the night, was relaxed positive smooth pokes and I knew I'd win last night knew it. Now to most of you fish £100 isn't a big deal, to me it basically has trebled my roll in both accounts. Although I have my goals in the online world in the coming months and I am looking forward to recording said results. Bad or Good I ain't shy.

Pub pokes is off limits for this season as I got totally fucked over by the shit players leading up to the end of last season and missed a nailed on place into the regional as I previously bored (this is how you spell bored Simone Jones) you with in other posts. So as a test I'm playing casino only poker during this pub leagues duration, starting tonight with a £15 headhunter, £5 on your head £10 goes to prize pool. Then I continue with a double header (Not the sexy time type) on Sunday with a £15 rebuy at 2pm at the G followed by 8pm £30 double chance freezeout. So fingers, legs n nadgers crossed for me running good. I do up my game so much in B + M situ's so I'm confident of a good return over the coming weeks and it always focuses my online play to so it should be a win win situ methinks. (I have officially jinxed myself!!)

Ends

p.s. can anymore teams roll over and die for those fucking scum Manc twats, all the time it happens it's so fucking sad!! Roy Hodgson you negative tosser, given up before you played at the theatre of the deluded.

No ups just downs!

2009-02-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

Loads to waffle about but ...... a: I'm just not getting used to the blogging business, love the read of others and enjoy writing bout my shitty little life but b: Can't be arsed half the time, could be watching porn or playing Pokes to start with! Just can't get motivated properly for it. I think it's cos I ain't doing loads and have suddenly become para about someone reading the blog n finding things out I wouldn't want getting around! Like what I was just doing on my lunch with a colleague in my car!!

POKER - got my roll up to £270 on DTD with a few good MTT results, but my STT have gone a bit awry to say the least and now my rolls down to £165 still good for the two weeks I've been on as I have made £50 in my hand already but still, Managed to blow up in a £10 headhunter last night when looking nailed on for final table I totally over played a hand with 15/240 left, I raise UTG to 1900 blinds 300/600, with QJhearts, SB flat called flop comes rambo Q high I check thinking I was in good shape she bets just under pot! With no draws on what am I beating a bluff or lower PP thats it, doubt I'm being flat called pre with a worse Q, so should fold protect my still health top ten stack . . . . so I shove over the top she insta calls with KQ! leaving me 2.5k in chips which if I let the blinds run through left me with nothing really next got A10 on BB which wasn't to bad one limper and SB calling I shove my meesley stack limper calls A4o lol!! Happy days . . . flop 4410! Just to tease me with two outs that would never hit if we ran turn and river 10 more times! So with £20 Heads and £10 for 15th I made a bit but that left me down £10 for the night with some shitty tilty STT play plus the bitch nagging me throughout and watching Liverpool gift Everton a win!! So pissed off really, just heard Hills is moving to Ipoker to! Meaning even leass traffic for DTD unless, DTD's moving to, need to check.

Pub poker where to start . . . hmmm oh why not the shit beats KK called all in by A5 course the A spiked, JJ beaten by 87 rivered full boat just to rub it in managed to get 6th of 20 by folding to the result, tactically sound one more place and would have secured 2nd place but my AQ was beaten by an UTG all in who had 65off suit he rivered the 6! So 60 points for my troubles with my main threat out by then was safe for 2nd in league as long as Show Jump didn't win if he won he could beat me by 10 points . . . OF COURSE HE FUCKING WON!!! If I hadn't been there I would have said it was a work of fiction it was that much of a horror show I walked out and went home after the 2nd hand of heads up! A raggy who was the one who sucked out on me with the above atrocities, bluffed hand one of heads up and showed the bluff. So I think nice, now tighten up and wait for a premium or at least decent hand to trap him. NO NO NO on button 2nd hand he open shoves and gets snap called with K2 off I 'm made up he must be way ahead ha ha oh my 2nd spots sealed he turns over his apparent monster! J4o!!!! WTF anyway I heard it lasted one more hand after that. I was so sick I mean really wound up!!! Now I think why was I so mad it's a poxy £3 pub game where the standard is worse than the fishiest low limit play online!! So tonights the play off I get 700 starting chip advantage for finishing 3rd, 4th 600, 5th 500 etc to basic stack for 10th. I'm considering not going tonight and never going again EVER!! Just play the £30 G Casino head hunter every Tues or th Weds £25 one instead for my live fix and try to create a nice live roll!! . . . . Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh fed fucking up!

TO ADD TO IT I have to put up with the Bluenose scum banging on about beating us when we have ten men and our best two plyers off the pitch and our club in turmoil and a manager on the verge of a breakdown!! Congrats SCUM, if you didn't beat us last night, you never should deserve to, you toffee gummed twats!! We couldn't have made it any easier for them but they still nearly let us get to Pens, had to rely on a 19yo unknown, who will be on his way to Man Utd in the summer as they flog there best young players and buy Shit Utd's ugly cast off's (Neville Nevilles beautiful child Phil) Funniest name in the world Nev Nev!! Parents must have hated him!!!

Liverpool what are you doing to me!! Fuck those Yank leeches off, get a psychiatrist for Rafa, why we sold Keane without a replacement I'll never know! He was never given a proper chance and I genuinley believe if he had full games instead of only ever playing 60 mins if started or 5 mins as sub, if benched, he'd have been in double figures for us. He didn't look right in our system and Rafa's to stubborn to adjust to suit a player BOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOXS :o(

I had a ticket for the game to but couldn't get out of doing on call at work!! For the first time ever I'm glad I didn't go the lads got back past midnight and we're well fucked off and freezing.

GOD I NEED TO GET PISSED . . . .!!! Playoff tonight should I go? dunno!! In Blackpool this Sat night though I'm just going to get fucked out me head with the old crew who I haven't seen for a few months.

Ends

Dusk til Dawn £60k GTD April

2009-01-29T08:38:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed on my last post a spanky new addition to el’banka’rolly. DTD (Dusk til Dawn) part of the Krypto network is my new stomping ground well at least for the next few months, it has a measly £10 sign up bonus :o( although with only wanting to invest up to £100 in any one site this suited me really and I needed to get on this site in the next few weeks due to my birthday trip away in April to Notts and more importantly DUSK TIL DAWN . . . can’t wait to go there, there’s about 12 – 15 of us going to try our luck on the £60k weekend 2nd/3rd/4th April, we’ll have a couple of messy nights in Nottingham then play some pokes at Dusk til Dawn they have a huge variety of games. So joined the site to get a feel and use it to “hopefully” satellite into the big weekend £300 £50k GTD, F.O. 2 day event. (They do Mon and Tues night £15 re-buys to this, the month leading up to each corresponding £60k weekend) I really want to play this tourney (It’s the only live monthly ranking event in Europe at the moment to, so some class pro’s will be playing.) I don’t just want to play for the possible huge financial rewards, but to just experience it. The biggest live tourney I’ve played so far was £150 F.O. during the GUKPT festival at G Casino Blackpool last year, which was also a two dayer but didn’t make 2nd day when I crashed with a healthy stack my AKs v AA. I sat at table 2 all through the game with the guy who finished 4th place GUKPT main event London last year to my left and there is a certain air to these “pro’s” nice guy and very solid player, didn’t rush or worry just calmly chipped up. I had my best run in a long time online after that night and more than got my £150 back there although it did dent my live profit for the year. I always find I come out of a good live tourney with a much more disciplined game, for a few weeks at least, online.

With the bonus being so small I chucked £50 on last Friday, leaving me £50 for another site at some stage, by bo peep time Fri night I was up to £65, by Sat bo peep, down to £30!! Just playing STT’s and Double your money 6 seater’s (So soft) I was down to £30 cos I did my old bank roll trick n stuck £60 on a 6 seat double your money ($100 equivalent on Full Tilt!) I’d never play this high usually but felt confident. Anyway last 4 AJ suit BB one limper SB limped I shove correct play but orig limper had KK so boooosted out fair enough!!! BUT if it was a £5 I wouldn’t have minded but I just lost over half my roll in one fell swoop!! . . . anyway Sunday was much better ran my roll up correctly to £120ish played well and missed in a few £2 MTT’s but was killing the dub money’s and had two 2nds in £10 full STT’s, plus won a couple of £5 Headhunter’s such soft games if your patient and your hands hold at the end, once some one has chips they shove and call with any two hoping to get lucky! It’s great, although obv sometimes frustrating. Then I managed to get 2nd in a 300+ player, £2 MTT!! NICE, had a feeling it was due I was playing very well, very TAG and was made up unlucky heads up lost to two outer when he cracked my 99 with 33. Still happy days roll was up to £210!! Took £100 out for actual £50 in my hand profit for 3 days play ha ha well it's better than bank interest rates eh? Made another £90 last night with some average dbl money results then a 2nd and A WIN BABY in £10 STT’s back to back the weird thing was the 3 of us in the money on the the first were the same peeps the second game how consistent is that although I busted the winner of 1st into 3rd and took two hands to win HU! There isn’t a huge amount of traffic but the play is beatable!

NOTTINGHAM HERE I COME (Hooters and hot hot students to hmmmmm) . . . . . April 2nd 3rd 4th 2009 should make it a blogger weekend to ha ha.

Ends

Da ROLL!

DTD - Crypto = £181.58 (£231.58 profit: Deposited £50 23/01/2009, Withdrawn £100 25/01/2009)

FULL TILT = $5.45 ($1.50 loss since Sat 13/12/2008)

Home Game = minus £4.50 (3 buyin’s/3 Games 2009)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £0 (2009)
£386 profit (2008)

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £18 profit (2009)
9/11 played of 13 weeks (Week 8 xcelled double points on last week 13)
= £125 profit (2008)

PUB League stands:
Pos Name Plyd Points
1 Jesus Face 11 590
2 Dream of Vegas 9 520
3 Biggest Fishay 10 460
4 Show Jump 7 400

5 – 41 N/A

N/A = Not arsed! They can’t catch me!! Although 3-10 have a playoff for the third spot into the regional’s, worst case scenario is I’ll be in that with those fishy twats!

Strictly Dieting and Discipline

2009-01-29T03:33:00.000-08:00

Nearly titled this Strictly come dieting and discipline!! But I'm not sure a cum diet would be my bag or in my best interests!! I'm hetro to start with! :o/

Anyways, Tues night was the penultimate night of this season’s pub pokes league, with the final weeks being double points as I’ve previously said. After last weeks debacle, with me not making it back in time from Nott’s for the tourney, I got blinded away and picked up 10 points for paying the £3 without playing, although it may be worth it in the long run!

So turned up nice and early this week, got myself a double G + girlie T (for my new DoV diet, in all good bookshops soon). Well I busted my orig 2k on the last hand before 1st break and add on, with a typically Ridic call by a fish who was totally priced out and hits! Blinds we’re 50/100, I had 89d BB the Fish on button who is known as A rag for the love of the hand (He thinks A highs good to the river) had raised to 400, he had been raising every other hand following an early double up, he always gets overly aggressive when he has a chip lead and generally spunk’s them all unless he gets very lucky! (He also has a unique I believe nation wide record for a 130 points 2 seasons ago!! He played every single week of the season and didn’t get in the last 8 once!!) ANYWAY’S SB calls (Show Jump) pricing me in for my pretty ickle drawing hand, Biggest Fishay folds an UTG limp, wtf did he have to fold there?! This is the norm though at zee Pubic Hooose Pokes. Flop comes JdQs3s, SB checks I look at A raggy he hadn’t got a hand, so I shove my 4 outy (Sounds familiar ha ha I'm a reasonable player honest!) for me to the str plus backdoor wushy, button, thinks, thinks, thinks a bit more, I say “Go on pay me off with your flush draw!” (Why do I open my mouth, I’m such a bellend!) he calls as soon as the words leave my mouth. I say “Your ahead!” he says “I doubt it!” (WTF) as he tables 67 spades for the flush draw!! I’m serious it’s like all these fish out there think you have it when u see four to a flush it’s so annoying!! Anyway hairy muff I’m in much better shape than I thought as I’m nicely ahead . . . turn 2d,giving me flooosh draw to, river 7 CLOOBS fucking sick!! Last hand before break and I’m broke, get my 1.5k 2nd chance chips and whinge to anyone that can be arsed listening about how shit the beat was and got another G + T (slimline tonic)!! Blinds up to 100/200, just looking for a good spot to shove, I blind down to 1k before on the other table two bomb. making it last 8 for final table, ha, don’t know how but I made min 20 points for reaching last 8!! Sit down with my 1k to a few derisive comments from Big Fishy and Jesus face who are both comfortable in chips, Show Jump who was to my right all game moves to sit across from me with a healthy stack. So, creek, up, paddle, shit, the, without! Get lucky when we deal for dealer and get 5 hands before my BB no joke these are my 5 hands J4o, J2o, J5o, 72s, J4o!!! How bad is that lol, BB lands on me as blinds go up to 400/800 thanks AT thought you were my mate (He does blinds on a timer so can’t really complain, but the Gods of the Felt were just so far against me it seemed!!) we had lost Show Jump to a very bad beat and Old Irish to another lucky river for A Raggy ass, so had moved to 6th minimum 40 points so all good really, so I look down at Q5suit (spades), looked like a monster compared to my last few hands 200 left so weighing up waiting for SB and hope another falls or just shove my 200 and scare everyone off the pot ;o) two limpers then A Raggy (Chip leader at this point), blasts on the flop good news for me if the limpers folds I can get heads up and virtually quadruple my stack if I get lucky. So I call for value and cos it'd be daft not to, the limper's fold and my Q5spades is up against . . . Q6off ha ha!! Nice splitage methinks but I get to double through flop. Flop 6c5dJs . . . FFS Turn 6spade! Dead to a spade, river KING of MOTHER FUCKING SHHHPADEY’S . . . happy days, so this seemed to tilt big fishay as I had around the same stack now and he needed to gain ground he ended up in a multi way all in trying to get me all in I think, he's shit so who fucking knows! Busting in 4th throwing me into the money (Paid top 3) Didn’t last long after that but the other two are no threat to my automatic regional place! So got £7 for my troubles and ahead ofthe fishay’s who count, 60 points clear of 3rd but need 3rd next week (Double pointer!) to be 100%, quietly confident though! ONE TIME!!

PUB League stands:
Pos Name Plyd Points
1 Jesus Face 11 590
2 Dream of Vegas 9 520
3 Biggest Fishay 10 460
4 Show Jump 7 400
5 – 41 N/A

N/A = Not arsed! They can’t catch me!! Although 3-10 have a playoff for the third spot into the regional’s, worst case scenario is I’ll be in that with those fishy twats!

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £18 profit (2009)

9/11 played of 13 weeks (Week 8 xcelled double points on last week 13)

= £125 profit (2008)

DIET TIME . . dan na na na naaaa na "you can't touch this!" (Hammer time tune) gotta love the baggy slacks.

I’ve decided a month late to get my New Years resolution kicked in. DIET TIME BABY!!!! ONE TIME HA HA. Don't get me wrong I'm no fat cunt by any stretch just average well built Joe (That's not my name though!), but used to be very fit into footy etc still run my own Weds 7 a side team but can't play cos of me poorly knee so as such the beer is hetting ma belly!

Anyway basically I have poor food habits eat poo most of the time, never have breakfast as get up at last possible moment to do the 3 S’s before work (None of which are sex!)

So my rules are this:-
Breakfast eat what the fuck I like before 8.30am before going to work, no bread and limit other carbohydrate and cook anything I do cook as healthily as possible!

Lunch cereal of which I've bought shit loads, with semi skimmed milk.

Tea (Or Dinner to southern poofs) cereal again :o) as above.

I can only snack on veg (Got a tub of peeled chopped carrot's, pepper's celary) salad or low fat yogurt if I'm peckish. (Currently activia yogurt for me!)

I need to do this to try to condition myself to start having breakfast and to lose a bit of weight to want to drop a couple of stone if I can I'm just over 14.5st now. So far I've stuck to it but haven't yet managed a brekkie at home just eating yogurt and fruit in the morning at ma desk which whilst very healthy is meaning once it gets to tea time I'm craving meat and tatoe's!!! It's weird, but I'm sticking to my guns it's just food, why the big fusssss!! If I feel hungry I'm just necking shit loads of water or fruit juice to fill me up to!! IT'S KILLING ME JUST WANT A BURGER !!

Poo Time dan na na na naaa na "You really shouldn't touch this . . . EVER!"
This has had one helluva an effect on me old stooladge!! Wowsay (As a blogger once said!) I'm not joking there like fucking perfect torpedo logs drop out smooth and fast, with limited kerplunk and minimum wipage baby, it'll save me a fortune on bog roll!! So it's already creating positives!

Eventually I'm going to be so desperate for "proper food "I know I'll make myself get up for brekkie!! I'll have to. This is a month long experimentum!! So you will keep you insomniac's updated!

Ends

Da ROLL!

DTD - Crypto = £92.45 (£142.45 profit: Deposited £50 23/01/2009, Withdrawn £100 25/01/2009)

FULL TILT = $5.45 ($1.50 loss since Sat 13/12/2008)

Home Game = minus £4.50 (3 buyin’s/3 Games 2009)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £0 (2009)
£386 profit (2008)

Slumdog bonuswhore!

2009-01-23T03:19:00.000-08:00

Haven’t really played any pokes this week online, as you can see ran my Full tilt down to nothing virtually bit sad, but just got paid today and am looking to new horizons for a bit of bonus whoring and new pastures to cast my maggot into! (metaphorically speaking!)

PITTANCE OF A ROLL!

FULL TILT = $5.45 ($1.50 loss since Sat 13/12/2008)

Home Game = minus £4.50 (3 buyin’s/3 Games 2009)

LIVE (Casino Poker) = £0 (2009)
£386 profit (2008)

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £14 profit (2009)
= £125 profit (2009)

8/11 played of 13 weeks (Week 8 xcelled dble points on last week 13)

PUB League stands :

Pos Name Played Points
1 Jesus Face 10 560
2 Dream of Vegas 8 450
3 Biggest Fishay 9 400
4 Show Jump 6 370
5 Burnleh Matt 10 290
6 New Tourney Director 5 270
7 New Head 7 250
8 Calling Station 8 240
9 “A” ragtastic 8 230
10 Biggest Fishays bro 8 230

11-41 Fishay-Donks live below 10th place N/A

N/A = Not arsed!

Due to me not making it back from Notts in time this week the worst case scenario occurred Show Jump won and Biggest and I mean Biggest fishay twat came 2nd (He’s alright but seems to always crack my premium pairs historically with shit like Q9s and J10o!!)so they have caught right up I was sitting comfortably before that the double point week will be vital . . . !

As for my HOMEGAME losses being reduced had a 6 handed £10 buy in, 10p/20p game, with the boys last night, just on water all night as I was on call with work and it seemed to do the trick, started slowly as I haven’t been involved for a couple of weeks. Actually played to tight early on losing a £3.80 pot to AT following a poncey 40p river bet that I folded to when I had 3rd pair, 10QragragJ Ramboish board, he showed pocket Slevins when I folded. 9.5/1 odds and I fold when he eventually bets and has just called my bets to the river! Had a good chat to myself about that one as it took my original £10 down to £5.50! Told him I missed a draw didn’t want him thinking he had took me off a better hand! Anyway it did me a favour really as I stopped feeling sorry for myself, as up to this point I been playing poo pokes “just hoping to hit and folding to any bets if I missed!” So cranked up the aggression hit a few flops called down some transparent obv bluffs and managed to finish with £16 when cashed in, 2nd best to NA £25, so £6 up. So felt good following that, with only 6 of us, one of which (AS, who is the most consistent loser) refusing to buy in for more that £5 at a time (eventually bought in 3 times and finished £4 down after being £12 down at one point!) there wasn’t huge action really so content with eeeking a few quid out of it, no outlay for beer so pure profit baby. Played a bit of Crazy Pineapple pokes at the end for 20p a throw, that’s a fun game! If we adjusted the betting structure, it could get very crazzzay!

Took the parentals to the flix Weds, as a thank you for putting me 'n' bird up over xmas and New year on various nights and spoiling us rotten. Was originally going to watch Australia as this looked the sort of epic film they would enjoy, but it has only afternoon showings available, so was left with Slumdog Millionaire, after a trip to Chicitto's gotta love the mexican food and the waitresses in there are nearly as hot as the chillies RESPECK to the manager, I'd recruit in the same styly!! Everyone was reluctant to watch Slumdog I was unsure myself but determined to watch something, the parentals don't get out enough. . . . WHAT A FUCKING FILM BY THE WAY!! It is just a must see espesh at the flix, I won’t spoil it but honestly I think because we were not looking forward to it maybe that made it more enjoyable!
Totally recommend it. Although prior to the film two NHS adverts we’re a bit much! One about condoms that I felt a bit to saucy (Carry On descriptive word or what lol) and rude for the parentals I sat burning to be honest and a little aroused, then after that NHS again about rat poison in tablets u may buy on the tinternet! Which involved, some guy pulling a dead, mangy, rat out of his mouth!! WTF is that about as I tuck into amouthful of nacho jalapeno and runny cheese!! Had to take a break from el’nibblo’s to recover from that one!! . . . Anyway go and watch this film!

Doing fooook all dis weekend my main crew are off to Bulgaria snow boarding Sat, for a week!! I had to drop out, as can’t get insured (cheaply!) due to blowing my knee out! Soo seriously gutted. I’m on call Sat night and the ball 'n' chains at some anniversary do. So a night of poker for me, on a new site. Only depositing £100 though so that limits my site choice a bit as want to have a comparative bonus! So haven’t decided which yet!?! What think ye?

Ends

R.I.P Ladbrokes . . . Good riddance.

2009-01-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

. . . I uninstalled Ladbrokes, last night after 19 all in’s in a row over various games predominantly me pushing rather than calling, over two days all of which I was way ahead (then two or three outed) or slightly ahead in a flip I lost!!!!(i.e under pair to big A!) It seemed whenever my chips went in at any stage I was there to be bummed. The worst being the last of my 11 point ladders, I’ve chipped up to 3k chip leader no one has gone out although 3 short stacks, I hadn’t at this stage gone all in during this match obv because I was still in and had a reasonable chip stack. Then I get KK on button min raise to get BB to push as was short he flat called flop 637 Rambo, he checks I bet min 100 he has 340 left, shoves over me, I call he has A3 off fair play to him. Yet river A did me, so down to 2400 next hand in cut off, pocket jocklings 3x raise called by BB flop 10 high he checks I shove he snaps with AQ!!!! This was a previously tight tablay wtf obv he rivers the “A” hmmm a pattern developing Watson . . . 2 hands later after some other poor Sod had his KK cracked by the orig short stack I lost my KK to. This time the money went in pre shorty had 55 turned the 5!! Anyway I have JJ again in early position 2.5x raise, min re-raise to my imediate left (Strength in my book 80% of time) fold to me I smooth call him (love that phrase, reminds me of MJ Smooth Criminal eeee heeeeee shamonay mo fo!) . . . flop Rambo rags I check (hoping to get a bluff to shove over) he checks, turn J happy days, I bet out (it would look a touch suspect me tinks otherwise, gotta get the value) he insta shoves happy days. I snap him off to get back in the game he has AA ul him . . . river Watson was elementary, an Ace!!!! UNINSTALLING INSTANTLY OCCURRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the back of the previous 16 similar beats (when all in ahead) your talking 100000’s/1 this happening! Is this because I has $0 in my account and am playing ladders with my points. Well I have zero pointo’s and zero will to play on Lads in the near future.

Anyway I have also destroyed my Full tilt account to ha . . . hmmmmmmmmmmmm, may need to re-read some bookies me tinks! Not sure if I’m running bad . . . but lower stakes play is laughable at times and I wonder if I’m slipping into bad habit’s and letting Tiltration get a hold when the A rag of my opponent hits so regularly? Anyway basically played above Bank roll as per, was down to $13 last night before taking down a monster $2 STT for $9 so back to the baby roll grinding I guess. Bit stretched financially this month so not boosting my roll. Although get paid a week Friday and am contemplating new horizons and being a bonus whore for a couple of months, Betfair and Stars are at the forefront of this donks thoughts or actually sticking money in Blue Square as looking to get more involved in the GUKPT this year?!! Any recommendation’s from you fish or fishay’s (in Amatay’s case?)

Talking of said fishay, I’m steadily working through his mammoth blog. Very entertaining although, I’m being infected with his and lesworm’s phrasing. Disturbing to say the least and I’m only at Feb 2007!! Bo selecta was popular back then.

Anyway FUCK TINTERNET POKES . . .

Went out first hand in the Pub league Tues (OK maybe I’m not running bad!!) AK utg first hand flat call one 7x raise from a solid player flop, Rambo ragJQ, I check he bts ¾ of zee pot, hmmmm I go shovtastic on his ass got 4 out’s to zee noooots enough for putting my whole tourney on the line plus though maybe 3 or 6 extra outage for the A and K he snaps me with pocket bitches for top set !!! No 9+1 for your hero. . . NP By him tho, played me like a sturgeon full of eggs, took it gracefully had a laugh got my add on and was out 3 hands later, was ahead pre flippage with A5 SOOOOOOT, called by KQ and J10 J flop Q riveray and oooot I go and home for 9.15 pm cos nowt doin int pub and was bored and tired, record for me time wise though ha, so just 10 points for attending!!! Priceless brownie points for the early arrival at the ol' homestead.

I was still suited and booted from work though as had spent night before in Notts for management refresher training all day Tues, avg’d 100mph back to just make it in time for the start . . . so poss a bit of the reason for my quick exit and subsequent friterage online when I got in!!! Boooo hiss

Anyways . . . Tonight it’s the usual pub pokay directors leaving do so £15 Thursday night bonus tourney tonight £10 in pot, £2.50 for two lives, get a fresh stack if u bust before food break or add on if u have chips left meaning after break u get 2 scalps for one if peeps haven't busted. (AKA Headhunter) gl me.

Then it’s teamage up town ( Blackpool) and some serious carnage as I is off tomorrow . . . bars, busting some moves (Running mans the new craze right?) and onto the Striplings as Amatay would say. If I win this bad boi tonight in the unforgetable words of liberty X, I will “make this a night to remember!!” without any doubtage. Nurofen at the ready for the mornink.

LATAY . . .

Fuck the Roll. . .

Just got a funny moby joke thru tho . . .

Two gay men were in a dark alley when a copper shone a torch on them rampantly bumming the fudge out of each other. The one giving whipped his knob out and ran off down the alley, the bobby grabbed the other “You diiiirty little cunty, if I caught your mate I would have shoved my truncheon up his mucky ass!!!”

A voice from down the alley called out . . . “Yoooo Hoooo I’m in the wheely bin!”

. . . . Oh I did chuckle.

Ends

Climbing ladders

2009-01-09T05:47:00.000-08:00

After a dismal Monday, was totally knackered in the orifice Tues! Had my pub poker league match in the evening and really considered jibbing it! But my new year resolution kicked in which is to not let myself or other people down when I make arrangements or am trying to achieve things. So dragged my sorry ass to le’public house. Got there early doors to shuffty a couple of early pints down before I went on soft drinks as was driving. It get’s my head in the right place for the pricks I have to play with! Some of which are close friends who turn into pricks for the pub poker! Don’t ask me why this happens it just does; it doesn’t happen in our home games or at any other time!! Don’t get me wrong we have a laugh and have met a few good guys that I would never usually have anything to do with, plus a group of younger lads who have started venturing out on nights out with us, are on our wave length and a good laugh. Anyway slightly smaller group than usual 17 for two tables but pretty much the best players were there, the young lads typify the up coming aggressive tinternet ideals either busting early or getting a mountain of chips and then bully, we get up to four tables most weeks. This apparently is one of the largest pub gatherings in the North West. Anyway must be the weather and the credit crunch, £3 a pop adds up you know!! Anyway boring story short, SHIIIIIIIPPPPPED tyvm, gg + wp me. Heads up I was behind on chips and the lad I was playing offered me the 100 points for the win and an equal split of the dollar, I could see the fear in his eyes lol! Happy days, £20 to the good and knocked first league place fag out in 3rd so made 30 points up on him. After week 8 being belatedly cancelled, this was week 9 and as such the last week 13, will be a double pointer to make up for week 8!! So need to have my head on, as although it’s only a small thing I really want to have a crack at the regionals, even though I’ve heard the structure and play are both awful.

Got home went straight bo peep as was cream crackered from my late night Monday. I had day off Thurs due to being on call this weekend I was looking forward to a nice late poker sesh Weds and a day of slobbing and poker Thurs. . . anyway played the two $5 game A game B double tourney weds night (for those that don’t know there’s a few different bonuses attached if u cash in both and if u win both serious dollarage) I’ve never double cashed, YET, although have come close though, although it’s rare either have less than 1000 runners. Anyway bust game “A” in 450/1340, following never really getting going and hovering slightly below average for most of the game before a suited and booted Anna Hornikova let me down in a race with fish hooks! So gg. Game “B” had an awesome start after several reckless calls by opponents when I shoved some early hands with the nutz or near nutz, was in the top 10/20 of the whole tourney up to 300 left mark, before dropping as hands dried up, was still v.comfortable then with 180 left, KK UTG happy days, 2.5 BB raise, folded to cut off who shoved for the equivalent of half my stack I snap call. He has QQ ul him, flop comes first card Q!!! UL ME!!!! . . . happens though, anyway sit tight looking for a good spot to pick up some chippage 130 left pays 122, I get 10 10 on button, limp UTG + 1 call cut off me shove, if I’m behind hairy muff but weak ass limping needs punishing and I’d take a race, UTG + 1 insta call dam! 99 Wahoo . . . good time to double and a half up . . . 1st card on flop down 9 . . . I’m out gg me!!! JOKE. I was fuming tilted off in 3rd in a $2 STT, yes folks back to grinding the STT’s within my bankroll, lesson truly learned snapped the lappy shut seething and not being able to stomach any more poker related shit as I’m reading Swimming with the DevilFish by Des Wilson (Interesting so far) I just picked up and started reading a new book I’d got for xmas. For all that I’m a serious cool mo fo on the street, I’m a fantasy fiction geek to on the quiet! So she was rather surprised to find me fast asleep by half past the witching hour! So sick this game.

Thurs am, bowl of coco pops later I log on to rail my old daytime Ladbrooks MTT grinders who I can’t play with any more as I can’t play in the office like I used to! I had the intention of sticking a few quid on and doing a full sesh of daytime MTT’s like the good old days. Went on checked to see where peeps were started chatting and notice one buddy waiting in two Level 2 $10 Ladder STT’s.

I used to love ladders and took a few down in my time and some cashes, if you don’t know, the premise is you start in a $3.30 Stt top 3 get a buy into the next level, 11 points buy in, then in level 2 top 3 get a buy into lev 3, 33 points and 4th place gets money back essentially i.e. 11 points to play that level again. Lev 3 top 3 get 110 points which is a buy in to the money table LEVEL 4. You can buy in direct to any level for the relative amount i.e. lev 3 is £30+$3 etc.

Anyway the games he was waiting in weren’t filling up, I had a look at logging in and to my surprise found 22 points available!! Fuck knows where they're from they must have been there for over a year or more ha ha. So instead of depositing joined a table. I was already playing a couple on Full tilt so one was enough. Forgot how long STT’s take in the day to fill up on Laddies YAWNAGE LATER and I’m out in 5th Anna letting me down again to AQ obv 3 outer hits! Dam it so last 11 points on next game if I get my usual laddies beat uninstalling will occur!! Noticed a year on or more from when I was regular laddies ladders player still a few regulars on there. WHLane, Thunderbyrd etc nice to see, met a certain Kris-Spurs on there when we both regularly bashed about on the ladders to, 20 months or so ago. Although I went onto pure MTT’s and gave them up after a few good runs at them, they are profitable massively if you play them right. Well for a $3 buy in you can work up nicely to the $500 for winning level 4.

Anyway 2nd game went my way and I had 33 points fired into two more 11 points games shipped both them to 77 points once I have over double buy in to 33 I move up or 3 times buy in's better I guess anyway last night played a 33 and 11 simultaniously 4th in both for a buy in on 11 pointer and zilcho thanks to another 2 outer rivered set over set in the 33 pointer, gutted! Not to worry though that’s why you build your cushion of points so sat with 44 points by close of play. As I’m playing these I’m also on Full Tilting, I drop my roll to £32.50 just a bit annoyed but four tabling may be why! Not having a mouse really slows me down still. At one stage had AK in a ladder game and Full tilt tables kep pinging up as I try to typr in a raise!!! I obv get timed out FFS!!! Anyway as I’m playing out my last ladders I think stuff these $2 STT’s, breach my new found bank roll management and fire up a $10 STT win it comfortably, think the ladders discipline has rubbed off on me so $45 to the good!! So, nice way to end the evening.

Anyway sat at work now looking forward to the weekend, watching the mighty reds get our own back on the throwin specialists Stoke. Taking non stop phone calls in the office at the mo so going!! Whilst I may add enjoying the cleavage of one staff who seems to have a new years resolution of being seriously hot round the office, I’ve always thought she was serious milfage 41 2.4 family, great bod, cute young way about her, always tanned and now has started flirting a lot with me and dressing in hmmmmmm figure hugging office attire . . . just having a good perv now won’t be able to stand up for a minute or two!! Because I’m already standing up ha!!!

Ends

ALL ROLLED UP BABY!

FULL TILT = $66.33 ($59 Profit since Sat 13/12/2008)
LADBROKES = $0.58!!!!?? (loss of $74)
Ladders points = 44 ($44 equivelant)

Home Game = minus $10.50 (2 buyin’s/2 Games)

LIVE (G CASINO TOURNEY’S) = £386 profit (2008)

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £125 profit (2008)
= £17 profit (2009)

Current league position 2nd = 410 points
6/9 played of 13 weeks (Week 8 xcelled so dble points on last week)

Who needs babies, who needs poker!

2009-01-09T03:09:00.001-08:00

Soooo . . . been busy helping out with the new addition to the family, she is so cute. A few months back I heard a few mutterings from my own personal moaning wench, about “if” we had kids what would we call them etc. I quickly change the subject when anything relating to this comes up. I SIMPLY DON’T WANT KIDS AND CAN’T IMAGINE I EVER WILL!! Why do I need kids when I have two nephews and a niece now, I can just take them out to do parenty things with them (That I enjoy to obv flix, bowling etc, playing Wii and Xbox when round at my bro’s.) then hand them back at the end of the day no stress no hassle. :o) I look like the perfect uncle and get to enjoy the fun things in life and put it down to me doing the right thing.

My girlie is a nursery nurse anyway so she has plenty of time with kids as it is, plus she’s a petite size 6/8 and I couldn’t imagine a baby coming out of her to be honest as I pointed out to her, it’d split her in half (As I try to do often meself ;o). This has now firmly put a doubt in her mind about having them, as well as me pushing my sis in law to explain just how painful it was and mention the detrimental affect it will have on her perfect bod! Nope no kids for us!!

So not been up to much, wet the babies head last Sat after we beat Preston NE down comfortably excellent to see Torres come on and Gerrard lay him on for a nice tap in watch us go now and how good was Reira’s strike!! Got in at a reasonable 3am to, which is unusual, just got far to pissed and this resulted in me not moving from bed all day Sunday!!

Poker hmmmmm not sure what’s going on Sunday played STT’s hung over usually don’t fancy it when feeling rough but just felt I was in the right frame of mind to do that as I watch random films all day. Havoc with Anne Hathaway in (So sexy in this film! She has so moved on from being in kid’s films, nice breasticles to!!!) Its class got it from the Zavvi closing down sale Saturday, when I was out buying new born gift for baby. Ended up spending £20 and got 8 class DVD’s!! I just have hundreds of DVD’s now it’s impossible for me not to buy any if I have a few quid and there is a decent one or two in a shop I just have to buy them! I’ll never watch a tenth of them again but what can I do! To lazy to EBay them!

So anyway ran and played well Sunday and took my Full Tilt account above $200 mark at last, this grinding your roll shit up is sooo easy, pokers easy, I will be a pro before you know it. So Monday night (Soap Night yawn.) I fire the lappy up she’s content watching 4 hours of mind numbing soaps, I get to play relatively uninterrupted on the other couch! Look into my Cashier as I log on at the spanky $200 plus roll, feeling smug fire a $5 up and a $10 STT, bust out the $10 quick running my set of 8’s into an over set of Q’s ho hum, scrape 3rd in $5 just went into serious shove mode with a big stack and got caught twice so my own fault. OH NO dropped just below $200 can’t have that I’m too good for this shit $20 STT is the way forward and a $10!! Bubble both oh dear!! BUUUUUTTT I’m playing well I convince myself bubbling just unlucky so fire a 45 seat $10 up and as this progresses play several normal STT’s (It’s all a blur) cowbag’s waffling inanely in the background! I’m thinking “shut up bitch do you not know the really important thing in my life is on the line here ffs!!” . . . FUUUUUCK down to $88 had the odd cash and one win a $5 for $22.50!! But $120 down in one sitting not good after several weeks grinding up, feel super frustrated and usually shut down but NO WAY I’m playing good just being bummed by lucky fuckers getting 3 outer’s etc . . . So obv way forward $20 and a $30 and win my losses back when I take these bastards down, as is fair after a string of bad luck, I’m owed this man I deserve this (Haven’t played a $30 in months since I decimated my roll earlier in the year). . . . . . .
. . . . . I’m awake til 3am trying to sleep what went wrong!! I just snuck 3rd in the $20 my account now stood at $56 the $30 I bubbled again but played like a wimp because the $30 really mattered. You can’t play your “A” game when the money really matters I don’t think!! (I kept sitting there thinking what the right plays are to do i.e. three betting this aggressive mo fo, pushing on this weak passive stealer and what was I doing FOLDING, WHAT A PUSSY!!) I mean it mattered relative to my bankroll not my life, but when your playing it’s all that matters at times!!

To conclude.

POKER SUCKS CUM FROM MENS BUMS, FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!

Ends

ALL ROLLED UP BABY!

FULL TILT = $56.33 ($49 Profit since Sat 13/12/2008)
LADBROKES = $0.58!!!!?? (loss of $74)

Home Game = minus $10.50 (2 buyin’s/2 Games)

LIVE (G CASINO TOURNEY’S) = £386 profit (2008

RED TOOTH PUB POKER LEAGUE = £125 profit (2008) current league position 2nd = 310 points
5/7 played of 13 weeks